Can't afford expected gift

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:15 am

I have some much-younger siblings. My parents expect us to buy birthday gifts for these siblings. I find it's a strain on the budget. 2 months ago, I picked up something from the discount store for one of them. I put a lot of thought into it, I bought something that I knew this sibling is into at the moment. But yes, it was purchased at a discount store. The sibling seemed happy with the gift, but my mother was not- she says I should have put more "effort" into it, not look like I just picked it up off the clearance rack. I DID put effort, I made sure to get something they'd like. I just didn't spend so much $$, and I guess my mom could tell. Anyway, another birthday is coming up, and I am worried- I can't afford anything fancy, it would have to be dollar store again, and if I'm going to get heat for it, may as well buy nothing and get heat for that. We're a young couple with small kids early in our careers, money doesn't grow on trees for us, something my mom ought to figure given our stage in life.

curlgirl

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:33 am

Please do keep buying your siblings dollar store gifts, if it makes *them* happy and shows *them* you care. Ignore your mother's rude remarks. For the sake of your relationship with them long-term, don't let your mother interfere and ruin your relationship with them.

vintagebknyc

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:35 am

perhaps your mother would like to offer you some extra cash so you don't "embarrass" her in front of your family? Rolling Eyes

Rutabaga

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:35 am

Can you tell your mother that you can't afford it?

Can you make something instead of buying a gift? That would definitely show effort.

Can you talk to your siblings about dropping the yearly gifts in favor of buying more significant gifts for round number birthdays?

Tamiri

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 6:41 am

There is a difference between a gift and extortion. Perhaps you need to explain that to your mother. Don't allow her to ruin the lovely gesture of you giving your sibs a gift. It's not her business. Give besimcha. Good for you!

happyone

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 7:00 am

your mom needs to get a life. sorry.

Rubber Ducky

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 7:03 am

Keep giving the thoughtful but inexpensive gifts, it promotes closeness with your younger brothers and sisters. As for your mom, just be honest. Let her know that you're buying what you can afford and she's welcome to make a donation to your siblings'-birthday-gift fund.

curlgirl

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 7:26 am

Rubber Ducky wrote:

No no no, please don't enable her critical and rude interference!
She can give them an expensive gift herself if she chooses to.

Tablepoetry

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 7:28 am

I agree with Tamiri.
Don't let her craziness ruin your relationship with your siblings!! Continue giving what you can.

vintagebknyc

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 8:38 am

also, if your mom is acting this way toward you, then likely your siblings know exactly what's going on.

healthywoman

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 9:17 am

you arent obligated to get ur siblings gifts so your gesture from the dollar is nice enough and if they happy with it- then who cares!

if your mom has a problem with it then[b] tell her to either subsidize the rest for a nicer gift or she can buy the gift herself and say it was from you. its her problem not yours[/b]

greenfire

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 9:25 am

your mother shouldn't get between the relationship of you & your siblings ...

if you buy them presents & are thoughtful that's only your business - regardless if same comes from the dollar store - clearance shelf - or some high end department store

mummiedearest

Fri, Jul 19 2013, 11:08 am

keep getting well-thought out cheap gifts. when your mom criticizes, tell her that your sibs are obviously happy with what you bought, that you spent time thinking out these gifts, and that you do not have more money in your birthday gift budget. you will not accept donations towards that budget. if she objects, change your gifts to invitations for each sib to come spend the day with you. have a cheap but fun activity planned.

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