Maaser Vent - Chizuk?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 3:53 pm

We need a bigger apartment, but rent is very high where we live. My husband and I both work and are giving 10% of our net income to maaser every month. We have therapy costs right now which is probably another 5% of our income and will probably only be for another year. As of now, we have no tuition to pay.

~~My point is~~ Actually I don't know what my point is. Sad

I feel guilty because I feel angry about this. We do not go out to eat, buy expensive clothes, have a fancy car, etc. What I'm trying to say is I guess I'm frustrated. I know the family that we give maaser to needs the money too, but do we live in not such nice conditions because someone else is also suffering? Why can't we give 5% of our income until we are done with therapy? I don’t God forbid want another family to suffer, but it bothers me anyway! We’re not rich or even comfortable. We just get by every month. We’re lucky if there’s extra money. BH we have a savings account that we take from when needed to get us by. Should we be taking out of our savings account to pay someone else’s bills? (We already gave maaser from the savings account money.) I’m not saying that we don’t do anything extra. I have some nice clothing and will buy a nice pair of shoes if I find them on sale. What I’m trying to say is: Do I never get to be comfortable because I’m always going to be paying for someone else?

I know it’s a lot of rambling. I guess what I’m looking for is chizuk?

luvinlife

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 4:14 pm

why do you keep on thinking about the other family you are giving money to? It's a mitzva to give maaser so that is what you are doing it. If you are not able to make it through the month then speak to your rav and maybe he will give you a heter?

busydev

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 4:24 pm

speak to a rav about your financial situation and see what he thinks.

I know of people that "swap" maaser money. It feels a little wrong to me tho technically its fine. (family a gives their maaser to family b. family b gives their maaser to family a)

dont think about the other family. maaser does good for you. I always think of the story of the man who decided that 10% of his wheat was to much to give, so he only gave 9% one year. the next year instead of his usual 1000 bushels of wheat, only 900 grew. so he gave 8% to maaser since he had less to start with. The next year he had only 800 bushels. etc etc etc till he gave 1% of his 200 bushels and the next year he only had 100 bushels grow total. the leviem came dancing to him to welcome him to their circles- since the maaser would go to the leviem who didnt have a plot to grow food on. and now this mans total amount that he had was 10% of what his fields should be producing. He gave 10% of his wheat to maaser and the next year he had 1000 bushels again.

I heard this story and read it a few times over the years. but dont have a source.

shalhevet

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 4:25 pm

luvinlife wrote:

This exactly.

If you can't afford to give to maaser, speak to your rav. But it sounds like you can - you don't mention if you have children or unusual expenses. Also - you have savings, that is a bracha which not everyone does.

That is nothing to do with the other family. You would need to give maaser (assuming you do need to) in any event. It says that is one of the reasons Hashem made some Jews poor, so that there would be a mitzva of tzedaka. Just be thankful that by Hashem's grace you are in the position to give and not receive.

Also, by giving maaser we are promised to get it back - how do you know in what zechus you have the parnassa you do and/or don't have to send the maaser on medical expenses etc.?

theoneandonly

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 4:26 pm

I know someone who received a psak that mental health costs can be paid with maaser money so AYLOR if you can stop giving your maaser to the other family and use it to pay for your therapy instead. Two birds, one stone...

saw50st8

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 6:37 pm

There are many ways to calculate maaser - a straight 10% is not the only one. Speak to your Rav if you feel you need to.

I understand though. Maaser is a very hard mitzvah for me. We alleviate this by having a seperate account for maaser money. It goes directly out of our paychecks and I never see the money.

Talya

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 9:34 pm

Maaser is a minhag, not halacha. And if you are struggling I'm sure your rabbi would tell you to calculate a different way. I've heard of people being told not to pay so long as they are in debt (not long term payments like mortgage but other accrued debt for lack of funds to pay it off).

amother

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 10:30 pm

Talya wrote:

I recently had a talk with our rav and was basically told that we have no business giving maser at this point in our lives as we cannot afford full tuition. He said paying full tuition comes before giving maser. Basically, discuss with a rav, as talya said, it's not so clear cut.
anon bec I don't need e/o knowing my financial info.

mommyla

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 10:53 pm

You can also ask your rav if you can use maaser for mandatory school payments (tuition, building funds, etc.). I know some people who do that.

amother

Tue, Aug 06 2013, 11:55 pm

Its a bit complicated, because when you regularly give maaser, its like a neder.
Before ever giving maaser, it should be discussed with a rav, and done without a neder.
In your case, it doesn't seem like you need to give anywhere near maaser, you can and should give tzedaka as much as you can, but charity begins at home. First take care of your therapy, your debts, etc.
When you own your own home, and live well, and don't struggle, then you can discuss with a Rav how much and when to give, and when to call it maaser.
Its complicated, and doesn't have to be cause for a vent, it can be quite easily solved according to das torah.

Pandabeer

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 2:42 am

Talya wrote:

Maaser is a mitva from Torah, not a minhag

imasoftov

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 4:14 am

Pandabeer wrote:

Talya wrote:

Maaser is a mitva from Torah, not a minhag

The mitzvah in the Torah is on produce (only certain crops, others are only rabbinically obligated in maaser) raised in Israel and kosher animals born there. Maaser on income - depends who you ask.

LisaS

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 1:49 pm

Part of the challenge seems to be giving to a particular family.

Would it be easier for you to give to an organization that feeds hungry children?

ora_43

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 2:28 pm

imasoftov wrote:

Pandabeer wrote:

Talya wrote:

Maaser is a mitva from Torah, not a minhag

The mitzvah in the Torah is on produce (only certain crops, others are only rabbinically obligated in maaser) raised in Israel and kosher animals born there. Maaser on income - depends who you ask.

Maaser on income isn't just from the mitzva of maaser on crops, it's from the explicit Torah mitzva to help the poor.

There are those who say that 10% is the standard way to fulfill that mitzva; anything less, and someone who can afford to give more wouldn't be fully fulfilling their mitzva to help the poor.

I realize that there are other opinions. But it's complicated. I don't think it's a good idea to go around saying things like "maaser is a minhag" as if it's definite, 100% agreed fact, when in fact that's a very controversial statement. There are rabbis who say that maaser on income is the fulfillment of a mitzva d'oraita.

OP - I think that first of all, you need to redefine "comfortable." What you're describing isn't deprivation, it's standard for most of the middle class. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I'm not saying life is a constant struggle, just, having enough for your bills, some savings, high rent, and the occasional purchase of "nice" clothes is already pretty good.

Of course someone in your financial situation has plenty of people to look to who have more than you. But in my experience, it shouldn't be hard to find plenty of people who have a lot less. Maybe the problem is just the specific cause. I'm sure you can find some person or group whose plight moves you enough that you don't feel resentment over helping them.

happyone

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 2:28 pm

I automatically take maaser off and don't even consider it income. Rather than giving to one specific family have a maaser account and give tzedaka as you wish.

tovasara

Wed, Aug 07 2013, 2:43 pm

Pandabeer wrote:

Talya wrote:

Maaser is a mitva from Torah, not a minhag

From last week's parsha, right?

But I agree - talk to a Rav and get guidance for your situation.

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