Does a girl need a sister more than a boy needs a bro?

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:13 pm

I'm intrigued by families. How different sizes, genders, and patterns affect the makeup. Who do you think is affected more, an only son with sisters or an only daughter with brother?

Rutabaga

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:18 pm

I'm an only girl from a family of boys. I think all sibling bonds can be deep, stemming from a shared childhood. I always missed having a sister. I've observed plenty of sisterly relationships among my friends and I think the sisterly bond can be especially deep (as long as the sisters get along). A brother is often a good person to do an activity with, but so is a friend. A sister seems to be a person to whom you can pour your heart out and who loves you and understands you and believes in you no matter what. It's hard to find a friend quite like that.

MMCH

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 2:30 pm

such an interesting thought!
I dont have an answer, though I will tell you my mother is 65 years old and still cries she doesnt have a sister lol!! she thinks with a sister, you dont need friends.
idk im close with my sister, but im also very close with my friends.

I think bonds btwn sisters is usually stronger than the bond btwn brothers, bc I dnt think the average guy needs such strong bonds
my dh has a brother 13 months younger than him, and there not that close.

DefyGravity

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 3:20 pm

I have brothers and never wished for a sister. In fact, I get jealous very easily, and was always happy that I never had a sister to compare myself to.

Everyone is different and will have different needs. Oftentimes, you don't miss what you never had.

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 4:05 pm

I have 3 sisters and unfortunately none of us are close with each other. My theory is that all these years, my mother who is an only child, "forced" us to be close with each other, somehow in an effort to fulfill what she never had. She demanded that I sufficiently "kvell" over my younger sister's baby's antics, she insisted that my other sister make shabbos for me after birth even though I had more than enough help, and she was angry when sister #1 didn't invite over sister #3 for a long, later-night chat. As a result we are all nauseated from this forced over-closeness.

Tova

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 4:46 pm

I am sandwiched between 2 brothers and then have kn"h several sisters after that. I always missed having a sister my age (preferably an older sister who went through school/seminary/etc before me to "grease the wheels"). I wasn't close to my sisters growing up as they were too far apart from me in age; next one down was 6 years younger. [One upshot to that was that we never fought either; we weren't in competition for anything as I was in a different stage in life.] Now, though, who woulda thunk? I am quite close to my married sisters, especially the one in which we have similar aged kids. Sisters are amazing, nothing quite takes the place of it.

amother

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 5:10 pm

I Have three brothers and a sister who is 14 years younger then I am. I am closer to. my brothers. we have a shared childhood. My sister, who I love and doted on, is still too young to be my "freind", I can almost be her mother. while I do like to shop with her, and its easier for my mom when I do, because she listens to my opinion over my mothers., Its no. that close of a relationship. Also my sister has a very different personality then I do. If we were not related, I probably would have nothing to do with her. Just because you have a sister, doesn't mean you will be close. Even if they are close in age.

As a kid I defineately wished for a sister closer to my age. I felt outnumbered, and it was often 3 against one. But as an adult, I have 3 brothers who literally drop everything and come runni. if I need them. I don't feel I missed out on a sister at this point. And I doubt I will ever be as close to my sister as I am with my brothers.

wifey

Mon, Aug 26 2013, 8:08 pm

I have 2 brothers and though I am close with them they have a bond I will never have.

As a kid I was happy to be the only girl and not have the share the "princessness" with, but now I really wish I had a sister.

buzz

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 6:38 am

I have two sisters very close in age to me, and we are so close, they are my best friends, understand everything and I can tell them everything too. I have two older sisters who are quite an amount older and the 5 of us together are incredibly close, I can't imagine not having a sister. I talk to each of them every day, and the 2 close in age, we talk up to 5 times a day!!

I have one dd so far, and I am desperate to have more girls so she will have a sister/sisters.

sunny90

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 8:33 am

I have three sisters and two brothers. Two sisters are closer in age to me, the oldest (one's almost 2 yrs and then almost 4 yrs younger than me respectively) and the third is 10 years younger than me. Me and the sister right below me have always been close, I think because we have such opposite personalities! The next one is very similar in personality to me which is why I think we clashed a bit throughout our childhood but now we get along much better and we're all really close. My third sister--like a previous poster said I'm a bit of a mom figure, albeit a "cool mom" so she's more likely to speak to me about things than to my mother. When we all get together it's the best, I love being with my family! I have friends also but I think when it comes down to it I prefer to be with my family for Shabbasos, YTs etc.
I have two boys so far and am really dying to have a few girls. I really hope to have that dynamic in my family.

amother

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 9:08 am

My daughter is an only girl with five brothers and I wish for her to have a loving sister.

She dreams of having a sister too but since she is already turning ten years old she is not all that interested anymore. I'm anxious about how her life will turn out for her at times but at other times I console myself that I am closer to her due to the fact that she is an only one and she gets many things and privileges too.

Most only girls I know IRL miss having a sister and I totally understand it even though with six sisters myself I can say sisters are a gift but can also be a major nuisance!

Absolutely the make up of the family differs when there is an only one. One of my sisters has an only boy and the challenges are different but they are there. A boy growing up doesn't know that he is missing a brother as much as a girl growing up feels she is missing a sister.

I'll continue strengthening my belief that at the end of the day the One Above knows best how to figure things out for me and my daughter.

rachelbg

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 3:51 pm

Mrs. Sunshine wrote:

Interesting, it seems like an only girl will always long for a sister.

Well you won't find any men out here saying that they wish they had brothers... Smile

amother

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 4:54 pm

this is all actually very comforting to hear. I have girls and only one boy and I know my son will probably never have a brother. (I have to do ivf with pgd and only got healthy girl embryos after my son) it bothered me a bit knowing that he wont have a brother to go to school with and things like that but reading that boys dont really need brothers as much as a girl needs a sister makes me feel better so thanks everyone!

Fox

Tue, Aug 27 2013, 5:30 pm

I'm an only child, and I don't think girls "need" sisters or boys "need" brothers.

Not to be flippant, but Hashem gives you whatever you "need."

I realize this is near-heresy; my kids feel sorry for me that I don't have siblings. Nevertheless, I never longed for siblings when I was a child (in fact, after witnessing all the fighting that my friends did with their siblings, I was relieved not to have any!).

Even as an adult dealing with aging parents, I don't wish I'd had siblings.

Of course, it's wonderful when sisters are close. But for every close relationship, I've seen two that were difficult. So I don't think there's any particular formula or birth order for ensuring that siblings both love and like one another.

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 12:17 pm

Want? Yes, maybe a girl wants a sis more than a boy a boy.

Need? I don't believe a sibling is a need.

Not everything is a drama, not every situation need to be "mourned over" or "coped with".

If we have a pattern of family we ""need"" to have, we better know that man tracht un G-t lacht.

stem

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 3:02 pm

I think boys need brothers much more than girls need sisters. The emotional aspect of a close sisterly bond can be replicated with girls among their friends. Boys tend to be very physical and pragmatic in their friendships, so that emotional bond could be missing without a brother in which he feels safe to be himself.

I'm an only girl and my daughter got her first sister when she was 10. I felt a little bad for her but I see that she's managing fine with her friendships. My sons have a very special bond that I love watching. They both love being with each other and don't really mind when they are without friends.