Please help me fire my babysitter

amother

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 6:58 pm

I am new to town and, in my haste, signed on with a babysitter without my usual "let's give it a 2 week trial" stipulation. She financially depends on the $$ and I feel horrible taking it away.

But I want to switch because

a) It seems to me that she doesn't care about attending to the needs of crying babies. I expect to hear babies crying at times, but I would also expect her to attend to their needs, or even simply hold them. (Is that too much to expect? I am a mom of 4 if that helps. I believe a babysitter should not just let kids cry - unless under express order from mom for whatever reason). Instead, she will engage in a 5-minute conversation with me as I'm edging out the door, all the while there is a hysterically screaming baby in the back on the floor of the playroom. Very disturbing to me.

b) I don't trust her. The starting and ending nap times just never make sense, so she's either outright lying, doesn't care, or is too flaky to understand that I need exact information.

Sad

What do you all say?

Even if I'm not convincing, I have so many niggling doubts that I just want to go with my gut, which says to switch. Does this make sense?

And if so, how do I do that? I can't think of a single line to say. I can't make up some excuse because she is the most convenient in terms of hours, price, proximity to my house and group size, so I can't say that I got a better deal with respect to those issues somewhere else.

esmommy

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 7:48 pm

SplitPea wrote:

How about just saying its really not a good shidduch? Give her two weeks notice and leave.

Personally I would not leave my child there for 2 more weeks if I suspected they weren't being treated with the utmost care. Tell her it's not working out, pay her extra if you can and never leave your precious baby with her again

mochacoffee

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 8:18 pm

I agree, go with your gut. A mother always knows. If you don't trust her, please fire her immediately. She should not be alone with your child.

I always phrased it "thank you so much, but we are no longer in need of your services."

I also give them some extra pay.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 8:31 pm

Always, always go with your gut when dealing with babysitters. I'm always so happy to hear a mom saying what you said, because it means she's tuning in and wants to do what's best for her kids.

As for letting her go, I would just pay her a couple of days extra and say, "thank you so much for your help the past week. Our needs have changed and we won't be needing you to continue. Thanks again for all you've done."

mommydiaries

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 8:41 pm

amother wrote:

SplitPea wrote:

How about just saying its really not a good shidduch? Give her two weeks notice and leave.

Personally I'd prob give her extra pay but not have her come back especially if u don't really trust her with your kids...

Agree! Don't let her come back knowing she is going to leave. She will have nothing to lose.

Also tell her that you will try to look for another position for her. This way she leaves at least a little happy and nicely, because she doesn't want to jeopardize you finding her something. And you can send her to someone who just needs cleaning and not babysitting. (I'm assuming she does both)

amother

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 9:11 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

I don't know if this will work, since it's a small-ish town and she'll see me going and coming to her competition. I keep trying to come up with excuses to take the sting out (in other words, "it's not you, it's us") but nothing works. Sad

As to the comment about cleaning/babysitting, no, she runs a small group in her house. I drop my baby off to her, so I really wouldn't be in the position to try to send someone there in my stead. Sad

cip

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 9:21 pm

can you blame it on your child's personality? "his/her personality doesn't go well with the situation and the way things are run in your place. he/she is used to a very different environment/structure. it's not you, it's him/her that have such picky needs......" blah blah....

mommydiaries

Tue, Sep 10 2013, 11:42 pm

cip wrote:

That sounds good

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 7:57 am

Not really Sad

since she's so easy-going and happy with any situation, it's going to be an obvious lie. She doesn't cry when I leave (and never did), loves strangers, smiles all day, etc. I can't blame this one on the baby Sad

I"m just so stressed about this. Sad

Thank you all for your responses.

abound

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 8:33 am

Why dont you be upfront. Hey I hear a baby crying, is everything okay? And if she says yes, she is fine, I will get to her in a minute, ask her if she always lets babies cio, then tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. Be honest and open while you have the biggest smile and the nicest tone in your voice.
Tell her why you are leaving..........

myself

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 8:44 am

I would say - Due to a change in circumstances I will no longer be requiring your services at the moment. Perhaps I will use you again at another time if the opportunity arises.

End of story.

Of course thank her profusely so she doesn't feel bad and give her a tip if possible.
She doesn't need to know that you will be sending your child elsewhere.

chatouli

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 9:16 am

I've let a couple babysitters go but only one because I had a gut feeling things were not right. I found out later through the babysitter grapevine that my suspicions had been correct - and then some! You must listen to your instincts.

I don't think you really owe much explanation. Thank you so much, our needs have changed, here is some pay for extra days, etc. It's not your job to worry so much about her feelings in a business transaction. It is your job to make sure your baby is safe and well cared for. However, be sure to leave it nicely in case the other sitter isn't better!

I know that's easier said than done. Smile

but she will find other babies to watch in the future and if you feel something is wrong it probably is. Your baby is the most important thing here. Good luck!

chocolate chips

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 9:16 am

First of all I wouldn't say you are firing her.
Firing is what you do to an employee. You are using her services to which you are entitled to stop using at any time you decide to do so.
That is not firing that is just discontinuing usage.

As for how to tell her you will not be leaving dc there anymore. I have done this before and I hate saying no and usually just get myself deeper and deeper into a stupid situation.
I have learnt to be quick and precise:
At the end of the day on pick-up say
"So like I said at the beginning, this was a 2 week trial and due to my own personal preferences I don't think this will work out for us. I am so sorry but this friday will be childs last day. Thank you so much for everything though."
And leave. And keep dc there till the end of the week and good bye. (Its nice to give a couple days notice). Nothing to feel bad about.

If she asks you why make up something like "I realized the walk from here to work takes me too long" or "Im still getting used to sending dc out to a babysitter and trying to find the right one for both of us is hard."
You can also tell her its nothing against her its just you don't feel its a good match for both you and your child.

You are perfectly entitled and if she gets upset or insulted, that is on her. You have to do what is best for you and your child.

marina

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 11:15 am

I've removed my kids from daycare b/c I was shocked at the incompetence. This is how it works:

"I wanted to let you know Rachel won't be coming anymore. I won't be needing your services." They don't usually ask why. If they do, let them know. Because I'm worried about your standard of care. Because my child is not doing well here. Because your set up doesn't work for me.

Firing an in-home babysitter is harder. I would say my schedule unexpectedly changed and I don't need your services anymore. Unless it is something horrible or unusual (I fired one person b/c she was mentally ill and it started affecting her work)- then tell her.

causemommysaid

Wed, Sep 11 2013, 11:59 am

As long as you are willing to leave the daycare for good just say it how it is.

"I am sure you have your way of doing things but it does not work for me. Here is a final check. I appreciate what you have done. We wont be returning"

I send to a daycare I dont love but that is only on the administrative end of things. I take alot of garbage from the admin because I am happy with the morahs and how my children are cared for. The minute I would be unhappy with the child care I would leave.