how do you work full time and run a house? help please

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 1:22 am

I work full time from about 8:30 - 5:30/6:00. I am also pregnant, have a 1 year old, and I'm finishing my Masters. I try to keep my house clean.

I do not understand how people work all day and manage to have energy to make supper, clean their house, and watch their kids. Even if they do not do all of those things, how do they not collapse when they come home and need a nap? Pregnancy is exhausting and takes a lot of energy plus working all day and not sleeping so much. I want to have a functional house and spend time with my child - not lay on the couch or take a nap when I come home and be unable to move.

I know that some people hire more help - babysitters, cleaning ladies, etc. I only make $15/hour and can't afford any luxuries or extras since we barely meet basic expenses as it is. I have no cleaning help or babysitting since I can't pay for it.

I do not want my family to suffer - that is my priority. I want to give my child attention, provide relatively normal/healthy meals, and not live in a mess. However, I need to work since we really need the money. My husband works but has a very low-paying job and has not been able to find anything else.

For those of you who work full-time, can you offer any tips of how you manage to find time to stop and eat, take care of yourself, your house, your kids without extra help?

Thanks

Mrs Bissli

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 2:45 am

Good for you! I think you have amazing koach managing full time work, young child(ren) and a graduate degree.

I also work similar/longer hours, even when my children were younger. The key words are prioritising and delegation. You obviously can't do everything--what's more important for you and learn to make compromise in less strategic area (hey that's a nice way to say slack off a bit). On most weekdays I don't make fresh dinner, we heat up what's in the fridge from prev nights (or Shabbat). In terms of delegation, I have a cleaner once a week for 4hrs which makes real difference. Otherwise split the chores between you and DH, let him cook/clean/watch the child, esp if you're pregnant.

Beshaa tova

cinnamon

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 3:03 am

I cook only for shabbos.
We eat leftovers till tuesday and wednesday and thursday we eat sandwiches or eggs or tivol.

My house is dirty and messy a lot of the time but I make myself be happy when we can keep the toilets clean, counters and tables not sticky and fridge not to stinky.

I barely play with my kids during the week. We do basically home work supper bath and bed time. It's not ideal but thats life. keeping to a strict (and short) schedual - having the kids ready for bed at 7:00 is the one thing that helps me keep my sanity.

kalsee

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 3:37 am

Wow you really have a lot on your plate.
A few years back I was thinking of going back to school, but it got shot down so fast. There was no way it was happening.
I don't sleep much, but while pregnant, you really need your sleep.
Make simple meals. Have fresh fruits and vegetables around. Make a big soup once in a while and freeze in small containers. Eat eggs. Cook double/triple and freeze.

I'm guessing you're off on Sundays- cook a few meals for the rest of the week.
Maybe you can lay on the couch for 1/2 hour every day while your child plays on the floor next to you? or read books with her ?

It's really hard, I know. I don't have cleaning help but living in a small apartment helps. basic cleaning every day- clearing counters, washing dishes, sweeping floors.
I only wash my floors and clean bathrooms 1/week. cleaning windows? I did it for pesach.

ora_43

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 3:43 am

I don't. My house is generally pretty messy (ftr, I'm not in exactly your situation, and I think my situation is easier than yours in some ways - but I can relate).

To be honest, that's what it seems to me that most people do if they can't afford cleaning help. My mother tells me that when people used to tell her, "oh, I don't know how you manage to work and do your masters with young kids," she would say, "you should see my house" - as in, see the state of my living room, then tell me I'm doing it all... (and my mother's a very organized person).

I think just neglecting the house is actually a decent solution. The mess will still be there when you finish your degree. And your kids are way too young to form bad memories from it. Obviously you need to do the basic stuff like wash dishes and do the laundry, and it's a good idea to keep the floors and counters clean just for the sake of not feeling overwhelmed every time you open your eyes at home, but things like sorting kids' toys, or putting the winter clothes away, or going through the stuff you pick up off the floor instead of just shoving it in a drawer, whatever - no need. Do it next year.

The one "strategy" I have for dealing with mess is that if the clutter gets really bad, I go around throwing everything that isn't used at least weekly into a bag and throw it in a closet somewhere. Then at least there's less stuff to make clutter. And the bag of junk will wait till semester break.

Things that have helped me regarding food: planning out meals in advance, and making extra food and freezing some as leftovers for later. I don't do the latter so much anymore because we go through so much food in one meal, but when it was just me and dh and our oldest two, I found it really helpful to make, like, two batches of pancakes, two batches of soup, etc, and freeze half to be microwaved later.

Oh, and that reminds me: kitchen devices. Microwave, rice cooker, slow cooker, etc... wonderful things.

Planning meals in advance I like because it takes out the panic of "oh no what's for dinner," and if I know I won't have time to much make dinner before the kids are hungry, I can make sure to get the ingredients for something very quick.

nyer1

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 7:38 am

while I do have help, she doesn't do EVERYTHING, and there are certain things I prefer to do myself, so I understand where you are coming from.
I try to do a lot on sundays. I cook things in bulk and freeze in smaller portions, I do a big clean, etc. then, during the week, my cleaning is much more manageable ... I only have to do a basic sweep, wipe down the counters, clear the table , etc.

and while I would of course prefer that my husband learn for a few hours or something at night, he knows that I need the help, so he helps with dishes and putting things away. please know that husbands indeed ARE capable of doing PLENTY around the house, if you train them to Smile

oatmealcookies

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 8:12 am

I can relate, I work 9-5 also, I make quick easy supers or crockpot meals or sometimes I put chicken in oven on 300 or 325 at my lunch break (I live close so sometimes I go home). I wait till my baby is sleeping to get anything done. I make a schedule for myself, Monday clean livingroom, Tuesday clean bedrooms, Wednesday go shopping, thursday cook for shabbos, friday clean kitchen and finish and put away laundry, shabbos relax and enjoy my family Smile

freidasima

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 9:19 am

Sounds like what we had years ago.
Shop on the way home even if it means that your childminder stays a bit later, saves you time in the shops.
Cook once a week, freeze and defrost even if it means you eat leftovers all week
Always follow up to the end. If you take laundry off the line fold and put away immediately, dishes get washed, dried and put away, don't let things pile up that way.
Kids - when you have to do something put your toddler in a playpen near you so he is safe and you are nearby to talk and sing to him.
Time for yourself? You must be kidding, doesn't exist.
Time as a couple? Only if you have vacation from work and your or his parents are willing to watch your child at their place so you and have time alone together at home.

wife2

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:48 am

freidasima wrote:

Time for yourself? You must be kidding, doesn't exist.
Time as a couple? Only if you have vacation from work and your or his parents are willing to watch your child at their place so you and have time alone together at home.

Working full time does leave no time for breaks for yourself and is stressful on a marriage. Both parents are tired from a long day at work and have no time to spend together. When I have a few minutes to talk to dh, it is about technical things that have to get done for the kids or the house - there is no time for relaxing or intellectual conversation and we have no time to go out alone together. Shabbos is the only time we really get to spend enjoying each other's company (when we are not taking naps). It is hard for a marriage and puts a strain on you when you are tired and have no energy since you can be less patient and more irritable.

Share

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 12:19 pm

From personal experience I find that it is NOT possible to work full time, be pregnant and run a house perfectly. Unless you are one of those super energetic woman who can't sit still and are always running around doing one thing or the other.

I've worked full time and I still work part time (with a large large family) and I find that even if I'm considered pretty geshikt the dynamics change once you start having children. It's not just YOU anymore, there are children to consider. If I was just a full time worker and a housewife it could be done, but not if you are a WIFE and a MOTHER. You can't let a baby scream and be in a dirty pamper just because you need to finish cleaning the kitchen or just because you need to do laundry.

I got loads of help from my dh which really made it possible. Now my children help pitch in and my dh also.

Even if it looks like someone is managing perfectly on the outside, I DON"T BUY IT. You don't know what goes on at home in regard to relationships, depression issues, raging tempers, on the verge of nervous breakdown things and so on.

Advice I can give, is don't expect too much of yourself. Try cooking in advance on Sundays and make sure you have things in your house to use in case of emergency like instant soups, oatmeal, fruit, yogurt and so on.

Good Luck! And don't push yourself too hard and feel guilty about managing like other people do, because THEY DON"T. Tongue Out

It will not be worth it, Masters and all.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 12:45 pm

Share wrote:

From personal experience I find that it is NOT possible to work full time, be pregnant and run a house perfectly. Unless you are one of those super energetic woman who can't sit still and are always running around doing one thing or the other.

Even if it looks like someone is managing perfectly on the outside, I DON"T BUY IT. You don't know what goes on at home in regard to relationships, depression issues, raging tempers, on the verge of nervous breakdown things and so on.

Good Luck! And don't push yourself too hard and feel guilty about managing like other people do, because THEY DON"T. Tongue Out

It will not be worth it, Masters and all.

BEH, I do. You're more than welcome to inspect my house and my children. It's just a matter of how much support system you get (which I do, otherwise I admit it's very difficult). Of course you may have a different idea of running a house "perfectly".

gold21

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 1:36 pm

Wow. You have a lot on your plate.

Your husband should be doing a large share of the housework. This cannot be entirely your responsibility. He needs to wash dishes, do laundry, etc.

You can make macaroni and cheese for supper most nights, with some sliced up kirbies or peppers. Perfectly fine supper. I'm sure your child would be happy eating that frequently.

Rest on the couch with your child after work. Color with him while relaxing in the couch, read books with him, snuggle with him- just unwind together with him.

Good luck.

amother

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 9:39 pm

I find that going to sleep as early as possible and waking up early works for me. I try to go to sleep before 10 and wake at 6, that gives me at least 2 hours to do housework before leaving for the day. I have more energy in the morning to clean up and prepare the day's supper; the same chores take me twice as long after a tiring day at work.
My kids schedule is modeled after mine, they are all asleep at 7 and up around 6. Then they have time to play and get ready for school without rushing.
Also prioritize what housework is most important to you (and your husband) and do that. Everything else ignore. Very Happy

Good Luck!!

momofqts

Thu, Oct 03 2013, 10:19 pm

oh boy can I relate! that is my life! except I am not in school but I have older kids who need chauffeuring to afterschool activities. few things that help me:
1) suppers in freezer, either made by you or quick easy ones to throw into oven
2) cleaning lady while preg and working I think is a must. even two hours a week to do some scrubbing.
3) get high school girl for chessed or minimal pay to come over when you are home to play with child while you nap half hour, put up dinner or whatever.
4) do not go to sleep late.

hatzlocha! it's not easy!