Do you lie to your children about the facts of life?

blueberries

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 10:14 am

A few times my eldest child approached my husband and asked him manly questions that he heard his friends talking about. My husband answered him honestly but in his level. My husband was actually completely shocked with the questions but felt that he should hear the truth. We try to have open communication with our children. How do you deal with these issues?

chavs

Fri, Oct 04 2013, 10:28 am

When my kids asked I told them the truth at what was appropriate for their age at the time. They've asked at different ages which meant I've told them more and more details as it was appropriate, now they both know exactly what happens and because we have honest, matter of fact, conversations about it, it isnt a big deal.
Dd likes talking about when I was pregnant with her and how I felt as she was born (how happy I was, what I sang to her, how I cuddled her etc.) besides that they dont really talk about it much now.

Kugglegirl

Sun, Oct 06 2013, 2:20 am

Think about the kind of information your kid will get from his peers- incomplete or wrong, mostly. Or poorly explained.

It is a real privileged to teach our own kids about these things- and as a team (mom & dad) too, when possible.

When my oldest DD got the details out of me, she went right to her father to confirm that what I said was true. & he was so great! What had I forgotten? DD was like "That's so gross! Why would people do that?" & DH very simply told her "Because it feels good."

So glad he told her that, & then also we discussed that WE are the only people she should be discussing this with now, not other kids at school & not the younger siblings.

Some things DD wanted to know about -- if any kind of odd things were "possible" & to some extent, I told her that what ever you can imagine, people could do. & when she asked if DH & I would do those, I told her that question is too private.

Mostly when they are young tweens or teens, it just all sounds gross to them & they don't want to really think about it too much.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Oct 06 2013, 2:33 am

I second all the above. DD heard some really bizarre, wrong info from some girls, and was really freaked out. She came to me, told me what she heard, and then asked me to confirm if it was so. (after I managed to not laugh hysterically) I got her straightened out on the facts. Poor kid was so traumatized by all the wrong information!

Honestly, I'd have preferred to not have that talk quite so soon or in so much detail, but at that point I was doing damage control. I am thrilled and proud that she came straight to me as soon as she could find a quiet time to pull me aside (and I told her so).

I also told her that what the other girls did was wrong, but talking about it to another kid. I told her that personal talks should be between the parents and the kids, and that you should keep the info to yourself and not take it upon yourself to educate other people's kids. I told her it was "stealing" the mitzvah away from the parents.

I always end our talks on a positive note, and make sure she knows that I will answer any more questions she has, as they come up for her. Right now she's 10, so she knows about periods, and that a baby grows in a uterus. How that baby gets in there is still a mystery, and she does NOT want that sort of TMI at this stage in her life. She's so funny, she cuts me off when she feels like it's getting into "that icky, mushy stuff. I mean, EEEEEEW!"

Shana_H

Sun, Oct 06 2013, 6:50 am

Never lie about The Birds & The Bees, I always tell age appropriate truth, kids hear enough rubbish from their school friends, its the children who were lied to as children who grow up, get married only to find that 6 months after the wedding their Kallah is still a full blown Virgin, they'd been "doing it" all wrong, lol