Looking for info-Non-verbal Learning Disorder

yonah

Wed, Oct 09 2013, 7:15 pm

I live with this disorder. Unfortunately, I wasn't diagnosed until high school and the damage was already done. Good for you for being on the ball!

(Apologies for the megillah to come.)

A large part of the way NVLD works is that your child's verbal scores will be typically waayyy higher than math scores. I had major issues with math as a kid (still do, in fact... don't ask me to understand anything higher than division) and my parents thought that I was just being stubborn. I don't know if this is part of the disorder or not, but I also could never ever do a word problem. Even when I knew exactly how I needed to solve the question, for some reason my brain just couldn't plug in the variables given in a word format.

Another aspect to this (that I definitely have big time) is lack of a spatial sense. In some children, this affects motor development and can make a child seem clumsy. In me, I wasn't particularly clumsy, but it translated into not being able to transition from riding a bike with a training wheel, to a two wheeler. I just couldn't get my center of balance. Another way that this affects me is that I have no sense of direction whatsoever. I can only get places with very clear step by step directions unless I've already been there. And you can't just tell me go north or go south, because they don't make sense to me. When trying to explain it to my mother and husband, the only way I can describe it as is that that part of my brain is simply not there. Does not exist.

I don't know if this is part of the disorder or not, but I also experience anxiety at being given large amounts of work to do. My mother insists that this is because I don't know how to get organized. That's not true. I understand what should be done first, and so on. The problem is that I can't break things down into little portions to make it less scary. So I push it off. Obviously to my detriment. If your child does this, make sure you help them learn how to do that.

One of the ways people don't realize NVLD exists, is because we typically tend to have excellent memories. So you think we're smart purely because we're able to spit things back at you because we memorized it. Which works in elementary school. Mostly.

The one part of this disorder that I don't have is the social aspect. Kids with NVLD can often have social difficulties that resemble autism, and in fact, NVLD is on the autism spectrum. Funny story. When I was getting tested, the guy who tested me told me that I was the friendliest kid he ever met.

I hope your child gets the help they need. Just because it isn't a physical impediment, doesn't mean that NVLD isn't a valid disorder that needs to be taken care of. I lived with it for years, unaware that anything was wrong at all and suffering from anxiety and lack of confidence because I didn't think I was smart and couldn't do things intellectually the way other kids do and that I was simply just lazy. I now know that my brain is just wired differently and have finally made my peace.

And please make sure you support your child every step of the way. That can mean the world between a happy, well adjusted child and one who has no self confidence because their parents don't think that anything is wrong, and their kid just isn't trying enough.

The internet has a wealth of resources for reading up on NVLD. I highly suggest it.

amother

Thu, Oct 10 2013, 9:00 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

My daughter has this, and so do I.

Please, DON'T be afraid of a label! Your kid is the same person today as he was yesterday, and he'll be the same kid tomorrow. A label is just a tool to help you fine tune your parenting, nothing more. Use it as a guide to help you have realistic expectations, and to know what needs to be worked on.

I just sent this link to my daughter's teacher, aids and principal.
http://www.nldontheweb.org/nld......html

Thanks for this. The link was quite helpful. I still feel like such a failure as a parent though, because I am at a loss for how to tap into his world and help him navigate the things he finds so challenging. He is often draining to me and although the label fits, it still is difficult to accept that he has these issues and they are real and not something he will "outgrow" in time as he becomes more mature.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 10 2013, 9:09 pm

OP, I understand.

In a way, you have to grieve for that perfect image of your child, and then let it go. You have the child that Hashem wanted you to have, and you are exactly the right parent for this child.

It always hurts to watch your child struggle, and know that you can't always fix it. Every parent wishes they could wave a magic wand and take away the unhappiness that a child feels. What helps me is to remember that through our struggles, we grow and become better, more compassionate people.

My DD is so sweet and patient with anyone who has Autism, CP, Down's or any other limitation. I see neurotypical kids who just couldn't be bothered to care about anyone who was "different".

Reading parenting blogs where the kids have challenges has given me a lot of comfort. Mama Bear's blog ( http://www.autism-parenting.com) is especially beautiful. You'll see the parent go from denial, anger, bargaining, and all the other phases up to acceptance, and you'll know that you're not alone. Watching the progress of the other kids will have you cheering from the sidelines, and you can gain valuable information on how to navigate the school system, learning aids, and how to keep your marriage together (as well as your sanity).

OK, the "sanity" part is questionable. Silly

(joke)

Hang in there, we've been through it, and are still going through it. We'll hold your hand.
Hug

amother

Thu, Oct 10 2013, 9:26 pm

OP here. Thank you for giving me chizzuk. My son is in a regular school and has really gotten by admirably until last year. He is now in 5th grade and is struggling alot. The Hanhala of his school keeps telling me it's a maturity issue, but I know in my mother heart that it is not so. I struggle with him at home and even though he is charming, cute, and very loving, he has real issues with social interactions and his understand of spatial boundaries. He tries doing things to get kids to like him and it just isolates him further. He is fully functional in a classroom setting though I would say that he is quite fidgety. He does well in school and is an A student academically. I am so down....