unfriendly to other frum women

Racheli

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 11:27 am

In the past week, I had the following experience twice: I was in a furniture store (once in Manhattan and once in New Jersey) and saw other clearly frum women (ie. sheitels, skirts, stocking) shopping there. I was dressed in a skirt, with a hat. In one case, I had three children with me, one of whom was a boy wearing a kipa. When I passed these women, I smiled at them. In both cases, no one acknowledged my smile at all. No smile, no nod of the head, nothing. I found this odd. Can anyone explain this?

gryp

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 11:35 am

yeah, this is NY. I learned that when you smile at someone and they don't know you, they will wonder why you are smiling at them. or they will figure that you must be mixing them up with someone else.
Smile

withhumor

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 12:07 pm

I live in Boro Park, I still don’t know my next door neighbors. It has its pros and cons but basically, the good thing is that if your neighbor is totally different from you, you can still be very close. It’s nothing to do with how you or they dress; it has to do with how friendly they are. Many women in Williamsburg etc. were raised to ‘stay away from bad influence’ which can also include anyone out of their immediate family! what’s’ insane is that when I got married and went to family weddings from my dh’s side, I first thought something was wrong with me, until I learned that something was wrong with their way of thinking…. You can greet me, I’ll chat with ya!

Racheli

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 12:12 pm

Hi, OP here. Thanks for the replies. I was confused about the unfriendly responses. I always think it's fun to be somewhere and recognize another Jew by her "uniform" and smile and say hello.

bashinda

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 12:32 pm

I try to smile also. I think it's attitude. I get people who smile back and I get people who look at me like I've just dropped in from another planet. Oops. My antennae are showing.

JMto2

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 12:42 pm

OP I must say you were right and everyone the people that do not smile back are wrong. What happened to walking on the steet on shabbos and saying goood shabbos to ladies and getting a response back I say good shabbos an get a blank look like I just cursed. We live in a sad society and this is just part of it

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 4:04 pm

I recently took upon myself again, not to speak L.H. so I can't comment. But I have definately experienced the above!
Hopefully you will bump into me! and I promise to give u a big hearty smile!! LOL

greenfire

Sun, Mar 18 2007, 4:12 pm

Hey - that is totally about that or those particular people ... I personally find it not only to be fun but a challenge to get people in NY to say anything ... I smile I laugh I talk ... and who cares ... this is who I am ... a former NYer and a friendly out-of-towner ... I have had many experiences both good and bad trying to say hi or feeling like you did ... you can only fix, control or change yourself ... but the friendlier you are to them the stupider they would probably feel ... or is it the stupider they think you are ... who cares ... stay happy ... and I will definately say HI you'd almost think you knew me!!!

ganizzy

Thu, Mar 22 2007, 2:50 pm

being an out of towner and friendly my sister once said good shabbos to some girls walking by. they asked her do we know you? so she answered - oh I thought you were jewish.

shayna82

Thu, Mar 22 2007, 2:53 pm

that will never happene here-- in pittsburgh. everyone for the most part is friendly and you wont get a cold shoulder. coming from la. I think laers' are more friendly then nyers are, but its still thta big city mentality that can make u feel weird in those types of situations

miriam

Thu, Mar 22 2007, 9:48 pm

amother wrote:

I recently took upon myself again, not to speak L.H. so I can't comment. But I have definately experienced the above!
Hopefully you will bump into me! and I promise to give u a big hearty smile!! LOL

Can't wait to meet you. Very Happy

ny21

Thu, Mar 22 2007, 10:12 pm

a while ago I was visiting florida
and a frum women with a pink tichel smiled at me!
I always wonder if she is on here.secondly,
while I was on vaction I said hello to a women with her hair covered and
e had a few things in common .(jewish geograpghy)
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Chani

Fri, Mar 23 2007, 5:35 am

You should try going to Memphis - When a frum stranger shows up in town, every other frum person within a 10 mile radius will come to say hello, invite you for dinner, play Jewish geography, etc. etc.. Very Happy

A funny story - a few years ago DH took our oldest son on a camping trip in the Black Hills in South Dakota. My husband is davening shacharis outside his tent mamash out in the middle of nowhere, when he looks up and there are two other guys, also in talleisim and tefillin! They were camped not so far away, (not in sight, but apparently within hearing!) and had heard my husband's davening so came to say hello!

mumoo

Fri, Mar 23 2007, 8:42 am

ganizzy wrote:

being an out of towner and friendly my sister once said good shabbos to some girls walking by. they asked her do we know you? so she answered - oh I thought you were jewish.

Chani wrote:

I think the smaller communities tend to be more open to strangers. In a very large group, people tend to make smaller, more comfortable groups, of course, based on hashkafic similarities (including dress, schools, etc). A small community needs all the members it gets, so groups are generally more mixed.
Where there are only 20 Jews in a town, they usually form a tight group no matter what their hashkafa.

chen

Fri, Mar 23 2007, 12:30 pm

mumoo wrote:

Where there are only 20 Jews in a town, they usually form a tight group no matter what their hashkafa.

But of course--they can't afford to do otherwise. Only in large communities do people have the luxury of being exclusive.

ny21--there used to be someone on here called pinktichel, IIRC. Maybe that was she!