Should I send my dd??

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:17 pm

So, dd is a nice almost 15 year old and her friends want to go to six flags on sun. They want to rent a small bus with a matron and spend the day. There is no adult going with them, it's only a group of 15 14/15 year old girls. Alone. I am the only mother saying 'absolutely not'.
Am I being too strict??
Are these parents being too lax??
I worry about the driver, who he is and who he has to answer to, I'm worried if someone gets lost or hurt...I'm just not feeling comfortable sending. She is my oldest, and lots of these girls are youngests, so maybe their parents are more easy going with them.
I throw it out to you-help me!!
(Oh, her friends did this once before, last spring and I didn't let her go then either, but now she's arguing that she's a grade older...)

greenfire

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:25 pm

what's a matron? and isn't that enough?

she's going to resent you not letting her go ... especially since she patiently waiting for a year to be older & more mature and ask again ...

June

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:28 pm

I think you're right to say no.

Six flags at this time of year is very Halloween oriented and attracts a certain kind of crowd. Also, why do 14/15 yo kids have to go to an amusement park on a random Sunday?

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:31 pm

OP here, a matron is a woman hired by the bus company to help seat the children and to walk them on/off the bus. Also she's there so kids aren't alone with just the driver. For our purposes, she will just be a person on the bus but will not be walking around the park with the girls. Her job is strictly ON the bus.

greenfire

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:33 pm

oh well than a matronly woman aka as a mother should be hired to go along with the girls ... maybe even a mature 20 year old would be a solution

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:34 pm

June-they want to celebrate one the girls' birthday. In my times, we took the bday girl out for dinner and paid her bill and treated her to dessert. Apparently, here they will all chip in for the bday girls admission and bus fee, plus pay for their own admissions and bus fee.
That's ANOTHER problem, where to get the $$ to pay for that...

shalhevet

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:37 pm

I would say no. My rule for mid-late teens is they can go somewhere in a small group of 2-4, or as a large group but within a framework. But not a large group on their own. IMHO when there's a large group there will always be one or two who want to do something stupid or dangerous or untznius or whatever and the others will feel silly not going along with them. And it will usually follow the lowest common denominator.

Simple1

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:39 pm

Where do you live - or how far away is it? It's a tough decision. I worry a lot, but like green said, she can resent you if you overprotect her. Does she have a cell phone, so you can keep in touch so you'll be calmer? Can you research the bus driver to make sure he's reliable? Someone I know would drop her kids and their friends there and she picked them up at the end of the day. This is in Lakewood and it's 20 minutes away.

Personally I think they shouldn't do it without a responsible chaperon.

Last edited by Simple1 on Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:44 pm

This Sunday is Fright Fest, I really would not let her go

Simple1

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:51 pm

amother wrote:

This Sunday is Fright Fest, I really would not let her go

That sounds scary. Also, now it's getting dark early- it's not like the summer, where you have more daylight hours.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:58 pm

I live in brooklyn, driving and picking up is not an option. Neither is making this a 'family trip'-I can't spend that much right now. I agree that someone's going to want to go off on thier own or with a couple of friends and they will probably split up, and I don't like that. I also said I would send if an older sister of one of the girls would chaperone but that's not happening. They want to be on their own. They also know it's fright fest, which is a big reason they want to go/ they want the zombies that walk around to 'scare them'.
These kids thought of everything!!

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 3:58 pm

Tablepoetry

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 4:11 pm

I don't know anything about Six Flags or the safety there.
I would (and have) sent my dd at that age with friends on the train to the amusement park in Tel Aviv. I trust her and her friends, and they always had a ball. That said, it's a different country.

greenfire

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 4:24 pm

when someone asked if they were going for halloween you said no earlier - that it was for a birthday ... yet now they are interested in the zombies ... hm

things certainly have a quick turnaround

Bruria

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 4:28 pm

I think that if she is a responsible 15 year old , I think it should be OK. I did something similar when I was 15 and as long as she is always with a friend or two while walking in the park it should be OK.

amother

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 4:30 pm

They are going on a trip to celebrate a birthday, yes. But they picked this place because it's fun to have zombies walk up to you and scare you and find them sitting on rides next to you. It's not that they are going FOR Halloween. Please don't be condescending like that.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 6:55 pm

Oh goodie, it's too expensive and it violates your values. But your daughter might resent you if you don't accommodate her.

I knew a father who said to his son once about an undesirable trip he wouldn't let his son go on:

"I would rather have you complain about me to your psychiatrist later than see your picture on a milk carton. Tough. You're not going".

Exact quote.

The kid lived with it, never made a huge deal about it, and their relationship today is very good.

She might be all right. Who knows.

If your toothsome unsupervised nubile maiden doesn't have quite the right kind of time, exactly what will you say to the cop?

What is this "almost fifteen" thing? The cop is going to ask her age. It is fourteen.

Sorry to be grouchy.

Barbara

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 7:13 pm

amother wrote:

Pretend it was a family trip, but that you allowed a friend to accompany your DD. Would you require the girls do be with you and your younger children all day, or would you allow them to wander off by themselves?

If the latter, think about how that differs from allowing her to go with friends. Answer -- not much. Except that they could call you if something happened, and you could be there faster than if she called you at home.

I honestly can't say what I would do. A mature and responsible high school student, going to an amusement park with a group of girls I knew and trusted? Probably OK. Especially if I trust her to follow rules like staying with a group. Less mature? Don't know the other kids? Good question. Probably not.

Barbara

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 7:15 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Toothsome nubile maiden? Does everything in the world boil down to relations for you?

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Oct 23 2013, 7:24 pm

Ha ha! If even only one person in ten there sees her that way, isn't that enough? It's a crowded place.

The rest are women, parents busy with children, or blind persons.

Any unaccompanied male is going to at least glance. One in thirty may be shopping. One in fifty may not be Nice.

It's going to be a party atmosphere. It's an amusement park.

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