2 yrs of gifts w/o a thank you. Keep giving or not?

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:33 pm

For the past 2 school years I have given my children's teachers what I consider to be exceptionally nice and generous gifts both at Chanukah and end of year. We're not wealthy people, but I felt I wanted to give gifts that really show my appreciation of excellent teachers who are always so underpaid and yet give my children 110% of themselves, so I have splurged each time.

But not once have I been thanked. Not with a note, a call, or a simple "thank you" in passing in the school halls when I drop off or pick up my kids. Not from any of them! For 2 years. That's 4x of giving gifts with zero acknowledgment.

So now I'm wondering this year if I should save my money and go the route I see other moms going - give a mug or a tiny plant. What would you do?

imasinger

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:42 pm

Give less financially, and more in your own thank you note that accompanies the gifts.

If you are up to it, you might want to tell the administration your experience, and suggest that they remind the teachers to say thank you.

notshanarishona

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:44 pm

Has it been the same teacher each time?
Has the teacher said anything to your child?
How many students are in each class?
Maybe the teacher doesnt remember who gives what but that doesnt mean she didnt appreciate it.
If you feel like the teacher deserves it I wouldnt stop b/c of a lack of a thank you.

Lady Godiva

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:46 pm

We don't give to get a thank-you.
Some years some teachers write or print thank-you cards, and other years no teachers do.
If you will feel resentful, don't give anything, or give only what you feel complete parting with.

BabsB

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:52 pm

While we don't give gifts to get a thank-you, it does feel crummy when a gift goes unacknowledged.

There may be many reasons for this. Maybe if you lower your expectations and tell yourself you probably won't get one? Give a gift you feel is appropriate to express you appreciation, and then move on.

greenfire

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 7:53 pm

isn't the gift a 'thank-you' gift ... so do we say thank you for the thank you for the thank you ... at what point does one stop

joy613

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:00 pm

greenfire wrote:

isn't the gift a 'thank-you' gift ... so do we say thank you for the thank you for the thank you ... at what point does one stop

One should always say thank you for a gift. Even if it is a 'Thank you' gift. It is very rude not to.

The gift is for a service done well, now all the recipient has to do is thank the gift giver (verbally or in writing). Not give another gift. So after this thank you that's it. No need to thank someone for just saying "thank you." Communication between giver and recipient can cease.

greenfire

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:02 pm

I think a teacher is over-whelmed with all the gifting & it's too much to know who gave what to thank whom for what ... it's like they have homework for getting gifts ... really

give graciously & while it may be nice to get a thank you - I cannot believe anybody gives anything for the 'thank you' you'll get in return

joy613

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:07 pm

It's also overwhelming for a newly married couple or a mother of a newborn getting all those gifts. But they send out thank you cards either way.
Not so hard to write a list of all the gifts she got and from whom. Each phone call or card shouldn't take more than a few minutes.

I get where OP is coming from. I've had a similar experience and it's really disheartening.

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:09 pm

imasinger wrote:

I wrote very heart-felt notes too.

As far as telling the administration, well, first off it would feel so strange to have to remind other adults of their manners, but also, this is a small school and the administration consists of the school administrator and her secretary, who were also given gifts. The administrator also never thanked me. The secretary is the only one who always makes a point of it.

Blue jay

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:11 pm

You know , years ago when I taught in a school I received gifts from students but never gave thank you note in return. Thinking back, it was wrong and I should have given thank you notes. But I did verbally thank the students when they handed me the gift. Usually the teachers thank the students, So you see your litttle ones shlepp the nachus with your help. Smile

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:11 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Small school, about a dozen kids per class, and mostly the same teachers each year.

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:20 pm

I don't need a card. A simple verbal thank you would do. I come into the building every morning and every afternoon to drop off and collect my kids. I see these teachers face to face every day.

No, we don't give to collect thank you notes. But it hurts when you give something (and more than that something that is really above and beyond what is expected) and you are left to wonder, "did they get it? Did they appreciate it?"

Blue jay

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:34 pm

Your gifts are heartfelt and Im sure your children were thanked when giving the gifts to their teachers The proof is in the pudding. If you are happy with the school and teachers then be happy to give and then receive all the tremendous gifts they give to you and your family.

You might want to reconsider the size of your gifts, teachers do like plants and mugs. I once received a bag fillled with socks one year and I actually really liked that gift alot. Keep it simple!

seeker

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 8:44 pm

I don't know what to tell you; the teachers I worked with always thanked parents who gave them a personal gift. Weird.

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 9:31 pm

I have given teachers money with te class plus an extra $100 cash just from my family. The teachers don't thank and it's a big problem. With all my kids teachers I have given sometimes $600 and no thank you so I just stopped giving. I have better things to use myomere for. These teachers ruined it for all my children's new teachers and future teachers.

seeker

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 9:37 pm

I have an idea! Send the money here. I'll thank you. We'll all be happy. LOL

Seriously, I put so much into the kids I teach and have rarely gotten a glimmer of appreciation beyond the occasional verbal thanks. ONCE I received a mishloach manos (bag of nosh that I would never touch but definitely appreciated being thought of) and ONCE I received a mass-issued gift certificate via the school's PTA (it was handed to me in a plain envelope marked only with my name by the school secretary. I said "thanks" when she gave it to me but other than that would have no idea where to address any appreciation)

amother

Sun, Nov 17 2013, 10:05 pm

Besides for giving cash I always write a really nice thank you card. I spend time on each card and try to personalize it to the teacher. Now I only give the teachers that I feel make a difference in my child's life and not to all teachers. Also I used to give 100 per teacher now I give 50 because I feel like 100 is too much and they don't know how to thank.
I also only give them one chance so if I give Chanukah and they don't thank then no Purim or end of year gift.