Does such a place exist in EY?

mrs.morah

Mon, Dec 23 2013, 8:25 am

Hi- Im looking into places of where my family would fit in Israel. Im looking into a pilot trip but not really sure where to start You ladies were so helpful to me before-I'm hoping I can get some info....

Im BT who became frum in her teens. My husband is FFB who went off but came back Smile

yay!

Were not very yeshivish at all but we are very frum in our hashkafah. I only wear tichels, my husband wears only black and white but no hat. We focus on not dwelling on the gashmyus and have put an emphasis on my husbands learning. I MYSELF dress a little more on the trendy side like nothing crazy but just not very plain...

Were sephardi. We wont gasp if someone will talk to us about a movie or tv show. My kids usually dont watch videos but I have let them watch like curious George on my phone. I will wear nail polish but only a light color or french.

We dont necessarily need like a sephardi community just a place where my husband can catch a minyan etc. Im more of like an Ashkenazi Sephardic Wink

Were looking for a very frum place, we dont mind if its charedi bc we do want to and will try to blend in more. I was wondering if there IS like a a community with Anglos( but we dont want full blown anglos only) and Israelis. With good schools (especially for boys) with a litttttttlle bit more of an open minded mentality. Not like watching TV but more like not fainting if I dress more with a trend or if I wearing nail polish ad I felt when I went to certain places in Israel.

Hoping it will be a warm.community and just more accepting of all types of ppl. I live in such a place now, here in NY and ai love that our community is so warm and accepting. Everyone cares about everyone and no one is looking to judge.

Does anyone have ideas?? Suggestions?
Also- I dont want this to be a battle of hashkafic views etc....if you can help than you so much!

SJcookie

Mon, Dec 23 2013, 8:47 am

Hey OP, dh and I are also Sefardi. We live in Ramat Beit Shemesh, and I think it's a great place for many new olim.

It is almost 100% religious, but the hashkafah is mixed - DL, Charedi-Israelis, and Charedi-Anglos. Sefardim & Ashkenazim. I'd say the majority is Charedi/Yeshivish, but there're also out-of-the-box Charedim amongst those.
It's a nice community overall, and each street has its own individual community (shul) & "type" of people. So, you'll have 1 street that is mostly kollel couples, the yeshivish Americans on another street, the charedi Israelis on another, mixed Charedi (Israeli & American) on another street, DL (Israeli & American) on another street, and then there're the streets that have a bit of every type.

I live here and am fairly familiar with the different communities here, so feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

mrs.morah

Mon, Dec 23 2013, 9:15 am

DrMom wrote:

Not sure where to suggest, but first some questions:

Are you looking for a place with lots of people similar to you in hashkafa, or a place where a family like yours will be accepted among a wide range of other acceptable hashkafot?

Would it bother you if some others in your community watched TV/wore trendy nail polish/wore wigs?

Im 24. I would like it if there's ppl like me. I have friends here who are very frum but we talk about things in a very open minded way. For example I have a friend who watches videos on hulu and frankly I do see how its not the best thing for ur neshemah but I think its a personal thing for her and not a big deal. Another friend is very into literature and culinary arts and shes prob the most frummest. I guess were like OOT ish here. Ppl are just more open minded.

I would not mind if people are different than I am but I dont want to live in a community where ppl who live diffetently or are less charedi are seen in a bad light (even if its not me) I just want ppl to be comfortable with other types of ppl but in general I want ppl who are frum but just chilled out if that makes sense. The very closed minded, charedi extreme, run away from anyone whos not the same as you is a little hard for me.

It would not bother me if ppl watched TV but Id prefer if most ppl didnt..or at least didnt flaunt it and let their kuds watch etc etc..my main issue is just with my kids. I dont want to.keep them.in a bubble but I dont plan on exposing them to things they dont need to be exposed to. Kids can be very curious and I just want most ppl to be like us...

DrMom

Mon, Dec 23 2013, 9:52 am

I think if you want someplace open-minded, you'll need to expect that some people will watch TV or see films, and their kids might too. It would be very tricky to find a place where people tolerate your "vices" (nail polish or iphones or whatever) but do not have any of their own...

But maybe I'm wrong; maybe there is a consensus that TV/films are very much a "red line" that many will not cross.

Anyhow, keep an open mind when you come to scout out these "open-minded" communities. Confused

Remember that you may not find a place which is a 100% perfect fit, so you will need to prioritize.

(I'm DL and Ashkenazi, but I can relate to the whole no-TV thing. Most of my kids' peers are way more into pop culture than they are. My kids are very naïve about such things, and are amazed at what a hold it has on many of their peers.)

champion

Tue, Dec 24 2013, 7:02 am

Beit shemesh!!! Beit shemesh!!! Beit shemesh!!!
here is why I suggest beit shemesh over har nof

1) har nof is much much more israely- the culture shock will be bigger there. and naturally people will be more judgmental.
2) girls schooling options will be much better in beit shemesh. in har nof they will bacially have to go to the classic israeli system- big big no no for americans
3) community life in rbs is much stronger
4) and like someone above said every block is a bit of a different type so you will be able to find your socail circle

finallyamommy

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 11:29 am

mrs.morah wrote:

DrMom wrote:

My neighborhood might be too frum for you, but we sound like we could be friends ;-)

mrs.morah

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 12:46 pm

champion wrote:

I dont think I mind Israeli persay....
Why is the classic Israeli system a big no no for Americans?

I like #3. I feel like I need some sense of community

I dont mind going into the charedi system but maybe I cant win. The charedim will be judgemental everywhere?

I think a lot of kids go off in Israel bc ppl live in Israel with American values instead of really integrating into Israeli culture. I dont mind being charedi but is there such a thing as open minded charedim? Will ppl seriously stare me down?!!

I guess Im trying to make my cake and eat it too Smile

mrs.morah

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 12:47 pm

esheschayil wrote:

mrs.morah wrote:

DrMom wrote:

My neighborhood might be too frum for you, but we sound like we could be friends ;-)

Really!! Where do you live? I dont care if I have to be really frum as long as I have friends!! Wink

PM me!!

dr. pepper

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 1:38 pm

My husband and I left after a few years in kollel with a few children. When people ask us why, I usually answer for parnassah. But truthfully, even if I had an unlimited credit card, I don't know how fast we'd stay.
We both have lots of family there, both immediate and otherwise, and they cover the spectrum in Israel.

But I think you've hit the nail on the head with regard to one major stumbling block for olim "living in Israel with American values/mentality"
I think it boils down to deciding whether the pro's out way the cons. It's not about finding the perfect community and perfect schools. It's about what you find most important in which community and what you are willing to sacrifice to benefit from those maalos.
Hatzlocha.

southernima

Wed, Dec 25 2013, 2:17 pm

mrs.morah wrote:

DrMom wrote:

I mentioned it before, but definitely ramat beit shemesh! Each little area has its own flavor so you can see which area you like. Its a young area, lots and lots of people in their 20s and 30s. LOTS of kids. LOTS of schools, new ones seem to be opening frequently. Big mix of hashgafa but completely torah minded. Feels very very american, but supposedly it is 50% israeli. I see plenty of sefardim. I myself am sefardi, but I married an ashkenaz boy (much to my father's dismay Wink

)

I would guess most people in RBS don't have a TV but I am sure some do, they just don't talk about it. Most of the schools there have you sign saying you don't. I know of 2 schools that don't have you sign saying you don't but it is implied that you will use discretion.

You have a mix there of more modern yeshivish to very very yeshivish in Aleph (and of course mamish charedi in Bet)...so it shouldn't be too hard to find your niche.

FYI I don't live in RBS so I am not "selling" my town Smile

But this has been my experience through friends and visits and we do plan to move their eventually. I was also pretty surprised how friendly everyone was.