How do 'young' couples support themselves financially?

DefyGravity

Mon, Apr 16 2007, 5:21 pm

shayna82 wrote:

I think that is something that is not the average in smaller towns. almost all the younger woman here in pittsburgh are home with their kids, while their husbands have jobs. 80 percent of them have houses with mortgages and a couple in school already. this mentality is not seen everywhere. most people get by here with one income, with money leftover.

Maybe they can do this while their kids are babies, but once you're paying tuition, most people won't have money left over if only one person in the family is working. Most people don't even have much money left over when the husband and wife is working.

My parents both have college degrees, good jobs, and live out of town. Their mortgage is minimal and they practically live paycheck to paycheck because they're paying for two kids schools.

amother

Mon, Apr 16 2007, 5:32 pm

speaking as a 'young couple'. it was hard in the begining. I was working dh was in school full time. as he had less hours in school he found part time jobs. dh's father assisted with what he could and my parents bought us meat for a couple of months after marriage. even now, we both work dh has 2 at times three different jobs. and it's still tough. but my parents say it was the same for them. building a life for yourselves is not easy. we got married at 21, after having dated for 5. so waiting till we were "set up" wasn't an option. sometimes I think it's better to do it the way we did. we have really learned about money and sharing the financial respoinsility. I have a friend who is much younger than her husband. he had a fair amount of savings. money situations seem much different with them because it's not always viewed as 'their money' but his money and her spending. although I am sure there are many ways to do things and many different types of couples.

klotzkashe

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 2:27 am

It all gets back to their schooling.

Now noone start bashing me here - but we promote a lifestyle that requires ALOT of money. Have as many kids as we can, We have to live in specific neighbourhoods, eat expensive food, send our kids to private schools, have barmitzvahs/opsherenishes/weddings (im not talking fancy just basic but still costs money, 4 course meals on shabbos/yom tov, Pesach (an expense in itself, Shabbos clothes/shoes, sheitlach, tfillin, mezuzos etc. the list will go on forever.

And who is goign to pay for all this???

Well, that's why we need to work - I'm not saying husbands or wives should or shouldn't work. I think that parents ned to give their children a means by which they can earn a parnassah. Either send them to college (ok lubavitchers pls dont' kill me), or send them to night school to learn graphic design etc, get them interested in teaching profession or in rabbanus or ANYTHING that they can get married and say - OK I know I can do X.

I see this disturbing trend of kids from both well-off and poor homes who get married and are with a pregnant wife and are like OH NO what am I gonna do now? kollel ends in x months and we need money. Parent's shouldn't and can't always support their kids.

When we got married 3.5 yrs ago we knew that my husband would start school (college). WE have had 2 kids since then and bh though my parents give us nothing, my inlaws have kept their promise to help us get through dh's schooling. Now he's almost finished his degree and he can get 60K jobs just starting out.

I could never respect a man who all of a sudden wakes up with a wife and a kid and says Ok I'll go and do hashgocho bc I can't do much else.
or ill go into teaching bc at least theyll give me a job and it's easy hours etc.

This is irresponsible of the person's parents and of himself.

(in addition to the fact that I abhor that my children need to be educated by pple who couldn't do anything else?!)

IN MY OPINION: A CHILD SHOULD NOT BE MARRIED OF UNTIL THEY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO MAKE A PARNASA . A parents who marries off a child who has no definite way ofa livelihood, or a parents who marries off their child to someone who has no parnasa - IS TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE.

(Shlichus is an entirely different idea that I am not referring to now bc it is our responsibility to support Shluchim and to ensure that pple who DO go on shlichus are savvy enough to fundraise properly for their cause.)

I'm not talking about alot of money - I have much smaller hasogos. I'm not referring to drinking soft drinks e/day and eating veal shnitzels every night.

I

mimivan

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 4:53 am

Their parents help them, I guess.

Which reminds me of a story... A father of a girl wanted to talk to the man who was going to marry his daughter. He asked him if he had a job. When he said no, the father asked "So, how are you going to make money." The son said "G-d will provide." And what will you do when the children come iy'h? "G-d will provide." and what about schools "G-d will provide."

When the daughter asked her father what he thought, the father said "He definitely has respect for his future in-laws. He thinks I"m G-d!" LOL

MommyEsty

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 7:46 am

I posted this on another thread but I will copy it here because it is relavant...

I got engaged at 18 married at 19 husband was 19.
he had been to a cooking school for a year so he had a skil and always loved cooking.
bh he is supporting us really well! he had a couple good jobs at the begining and now he is a partner and chef in a new resaraunt that is bh doing amazing , he gets a good wage and bh we are buying a house at age 21.

true we went to israel at the begginig hopeing it would work there but it didnt he worked really hard and got nothing so we mooved away.

age dosent matter amother. it matters if you have your priorities straight and if you know what you are doing. I guess we are lucky. we dont come from well off familys but were making it ourselfs and bh we are making a lovely little life:) haha in the face to all the people who said I was too young to get married etc...

p.s. as far as his education goes he disnt finish high school..went to a few yeshivs and teh cooking school and look at him now...
as for me I didnt finish highschool either.. im a terrible learner..speller etc.. but I have a job too... I help a kid in school who needs extra help.
so I dont really think education always has to do with things... ok yes it would help but you can get very far and be very happy with out a normal eduacation..depends on the person

amother

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 9:34 am

It basically comes down to the fact that you have to have skills . To me the whole system seems to be dependent on the woman. She has to work ,take care of the house and kids while her husband can learn. She has to earn money to take care of basic needs and then magically find the money to pay the extremely high tuition . To me this sounds so unrealistic. It basically means that the woman has to be a tzadeikes and never feel the need to have any time for her self. Kollel is wonderful but this is a whole lot of pressure to put on the woman! Not only that but the schools expect you to scrimp and fork over your last penny. See the latest Horizons. I think that after awhile the man must get a job that is a money making job to support his family, as stated in the kesuba. I don't know. This is just my opinion!

Mrs. Mommy

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 10:19 am

It is definitely a difficult situation. B'H both my husband and I have pretty good jobs and we are always able to pay the bills on the time. But there is really not that much left to put away. It seems almost impossible to save anything up, especially with the cost of a baby (and no we did not have him after 9 months). We do not have government help and neither of our parents can afford to support us. We live in Bkln bec. that's where we have our jobs. You cannot just pick yourself up and "move to the suburbs" because it is cheaper. We are always asking ourselves how other young couples seem to make it. Today you really need to have a double income to just barely get by. It's tough, but you gotta do what you gotta do...

amother

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 10:42 am

I got married at 17 1/2. I had a baby when I was 18 1/2.
b''h I had a bit of mazal and I had a friend in the community we lived in who worked in the school here and refered me. so I taught for our 1st year. I also play piano and the head of the day-care where I worked's husband owned a music school and I subbed there once and he liked what I did so I stayed.

it was realy hard coz my husband couldn't find a job, and for some stupid reason whenever he called the job agency the only jobs they could offer were for women!?

(eg. he calls up... and says that he needs a job. for some ODD reason they think he's calling for his wife... okkaay... but they dont tell hiim that thats what they assumed they gave him a list of numbers to call. he calls one person (for a secretary job) and they talk and the person is happy with all the specs (as in my dh tells them what he's good at and they are happy with it..) and then they say... 'so when is you're wife comeing in?'
my husband is like '???'
he tells them no, its for me!! and they say.... 'oh... sorry its a womans job..

what kind of stupid thing is that??? and this was repetative with every person he called!

why does a secretary have to be a woman? especialy if my dh fit all the criterias what is their problem? there seems to be a weird deficiency of jobs for men in this city..)

but b''h, its not expensive to live here.. and now almost 2 years married (and with a mother in law whose a tough cookie (b''h we get along but she toughend me up alright!!)) I learned how to negotiate etc... and we got a good deal on rent in a normal area.

it was tough going but b''h my dh attended a IT course and actualy now is working with the place that he learned by!! B''h!!!

Everyone has a hard time one way or another. If its not money, its shalom bayis, if not that its health, if not, something else. No one has a perfect life... everyone has to make do with what they can..

I disagree with the schooling thing... in a way it makes life harder but I think its the correct way of life. Just because society rules that you need to get a degree in order to get a normal job doesn't mean that you have to have a degree in order to live!! How many people have degree's and are unhappy, or don't have a job. its such a common thing nowerdays that its like going to pre-school!! also most teens go to university without truly knowing what they realy enjoy and then get stuck doing something they hate for the rest of their life or not doing it at all, then what a waste of time!

yeshivah bochorim have a hard time b/c (I'm talking about those kids who start yeshiva at 15!) they dont have any secular education. but where theres a will theres a way. I want my kids to know that Torah comes first but I would like them to take upon a side thing that will help them before they get married to have experience.

just a thought Surprised

southernbubby

Wed, Apr 18 2007, 11:02 am

I have seen a lot of articles recently about the high cost of college and the amount of debt that many people incur to spend 4 or more years there. Most people can only get partial financial aid and parents are expected to spend 5% or their income in addition to the student working while in school in order to get this aid. In secular society, the college years are a time of transition between childhood and adulthood but in the frum society, there is no transition period. Couples often get by with a combination of work, parental help and government help. I like Southernshalom's appproach. Homeschooling can save many families from the crushing financial strain of tuitions. Unfortunately, few Jewish families have the survival skills that hers does.

Seraph

Wed, Apr 25 2007, 3:28 am

amother wrote:

A job one gets with just a high school education cannot support a couple, never mind a family. It is extremely expensive to live in Jewish neighborhoods, keep kosher, send your kids to yeshiva. Just paying for rent and utilities alone is impossible. Most single college educated and emplyed well individuals find it necessary to share rent with multiple roomates.
There is not way a young couple can afford to support themselves.

Uhm yea.
I live in a jewish neighborhood, keep kosher, etc, and my husband and I support ourselves. On one salary, for the most part. And we're a very young couple. 19 and 21. You just have to realize that you can't expect to live in the lap of luxury. We spend wisely, live in the cheapest neighborhood we could find, and live cheaply- we furnished our apt second hand or free, don't often buy things that aren't neccesary. And we're not living on bread and butter- we have money for what we need...
So don't be so quick to say there's no way.
There's no way to support yourself enough to live a rich lifestyle if you have no good paying job. But if you're realistic, anything is possible.

Seraph

Wed, Apr 25 2007, 3:50 am

And after reading this whole thread, I had something else to add, how we manage.

For the first few months of marriage, I was working and my husband learning. Once I couldn't work anymore, my husband got a job and I've been more of a housewife.

How do we manage?
We live in Israel. I know you're gonna say that's nuts, that living in Israel is more expensive, but its not true.
My husband and I have a nice apt with two bedrooms and a big backyard that we pay 350 dollars a month for. Not bad at all. And if you don't have money for that, you can always live in a caravan. I heard a two bedroom caravan can be as little as 200 dollars a month (or maybe less), and they even have half caravans with one bedroom, and I can't tell you the exact price.
A lot cheaper than living in the states. Oh, and for making aliya you get money from the government (a nice amount) and possibly from Nefesh BNefesh as well. Kosher food isn't so expensive here- in fact, most food is cheaper than it is in the US. And most schools are either paid for or subsidized by the israeli government (even yeshivas) so schooling is a ton cheaper. Not to mention that traveling is even cheaper because as an oleh, you can get a monthly bus pass for 145 shekel to go anywhere in the country- think about how much money you're saving either on busses compared to brooklyn prices or on gas.

Oh, and other ways I save money:
Go away for shabbos often, or at least don't have a million guests over. The more guests you have, the more expensive buying all the food for them is. And if you make shabbos, you don't need beef. Or gefilte fish. You can use chicken and tuna fish and you got your bussar vidagim.

You don't need brand new clothes all the time. At the moment, I'm living out of three skirts and about 10 shirts. Theres a 30 shekel store here where all clothes there are just 30 shekel. (Less than 10 dollars apeice) Even if you buy new clothes, they don't have to be expensive...

Oh, and I don't wear a sheitel. Even my 20 different tichels is a lot cheaper than just one sheitel. And I don't have to pay to get my sheitel "done" once a month.

I'm sure I'll come up with ideas.
Oh, and not to mention the fact that I've heard repeatedly here. In israel, you see so much more hashgacha pratis with money. Hashem sends you money exactly when you need it, even if you think "How am I possibly gonna pay my rent this month" Hashem finds a way to get it to you.
And in those few instances that I actually am a little tight of cash, my parents are willing to lend me money in a pinch. (Notice, I didn't say give- I said lend. I'm of the school that beleives that once you're married you have a responsibility to pay back your parents for the money they give you...)

Marion

Wed, Apr 25 2007, 8:25 am

breslov wrote:

Not to mention that traveling is even cheaper because as an oleh, you can get a monthly bus pass for 145 shekel to go anywhere in the country

Oh, and other ways I save money:

Oh, and I don't wear a sheitel. Even my 20 different tichels is a lot cheaper than just one sheitel. And I don't have to pay to get my sheitel "done" once a month.

1. Really? I've been here 4 years...and I didn't know about this bus pass. Where do you live? Where I live (first Jerusalem, now Ma'ale Adumim) Egged says that the price is the price, unless you're a child, a senior, or a soldier/bat sherut.

2. You have to get a sheitl done once a month? News to me. I've had one since November (for work only, at their request), and I haven't taken it in yet. I've washed it a couple of times by myself, and it looks just fine to me. I was thinking I might get it done after my maternity leave (I'll come back to work around February, I think), just because it will have sat around for 3 months unused.