Do I pull child out of school principal found protecting mol

amother

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:13 pm

If your daughters principal is in a lawsuit for trying to cover up s-xual abuse in another school do u pull your child out of school or do u think that it won't happen in your child's school. As far as I know there was no abuse in the principals school. Or do u pull out on the basis that if she is covering it up for another school if chv it were to happen in her school she would cover it up too?

gittelchana

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

1) It can happen in ANY school.

2) Innocent until proven guilty.

A law suit means that she's being taken to court and being charged of covering up. It doesn't mean she actually did cover up the abuse. Doesn't mean any abuse actually happened.

If I knew that someone with authority in my child's school covered up such a thing I would get together with other parents and take action.

amother

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:11 pm

I would only stay away from the school b/c I think the fact that she was involved in some kind of cover up in the past (be it for her brother or non relative) speaks about her character. Whether there will be any abuse cases in her present school I think is irrelevant. Well, not irrelevant, but like I said, her moral character is flawed regarding her past position of authority.

I don't know anything about this scandal. sounds horrible and I feel terrible for the victims involved. There's probably a lot the public does not know about. I would pull my child out. I am not just saying this. I have pulled my child out for something similar, and believe it or not, the following year, the principal was let go.

miami85

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:15 pm

I think there are a lot of variables here that would impact my decision.
While you have to be CAREFUL when it comes to child molestation, you also can't just accept everything what you hear as fact.

Do your research but be careful of shmiras halashon to MAKE SURE all of your questions are l'toeles and not "hearsay"

While unfortunately there are incidents of molestation in the community, there are just as many people falsely accused. Perhaps the "coverup" was someone either falsely accused or the principal had been lead to believe as such. Perhaps there was a "misunderstanding" of an innocent touch or a mistaken touch that snowballed into a molestation accusation.

I'm not trying to belittle this, I'm trying to bring to light that these court cases are often "inquisitions" and there's no way to win. Thus a principal may try to "cover up" because the person really is a good person or a good teacher and is trying to help squelch the fire before it gets out of hand b/c rumors and allegations can ruin a person's and family's life. They may not in anyway shape or form condone the act.

Molestation is a horrible crime, but it has MANY levels and people are HUMAN and succumb to temptation. Think about how you would want your family member treated in a similar situation. (The accused, not the victim).

We just learned on Tisha B'av in the CCHF videos that it's important to be dan l'chaf zechus--even when it is difficult. Be careful and don't jump to hasty conclusions.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:34 pm

miami85 wrote:

Really? There are just as many people falsely accused? Court cases are often inquisitions? What do you base that on? Do you know of any case where someone took reasonable action to "squelch the fire"? If it were your child being molested chvs would you be understanding of a family member taking the time to "squelch the fire" instead of making sure the offender had access to your child removed?

Barbara

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:46 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP if you even have to ask , I'm worried for you

No. I get her. This is someone she has known and trusted. The allegations, the thought of all of this, is shocking. Hard to absorb. So she thinks. Rationalizes. Justifies. Why? Maybe it's because it's her brother. Maybe she's otherwise reliable. Could you turn in your own brother?

OP, no. I wouldn't trust her. Yes, I would remove my child. But I do understand your doubts, and wish you the best.

ElTam

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:53 pm

I think this case is very different, because the Chicago Beis Din has ruled that these schools are not safe. They have heard evidence from Meisels and the victims. (I believe also from the staff.)

So the lawsuit isn't the central issue, it's what a legitimate beis din has found: that these schools are not safe for girls to be in.

I don't think you have to be mekabel that the sister was actively protecting him to pull your daughter out. If you believe that she was in a position where she should have known he was a danger to girls, and failed to act on that, then to me, that would be a person I would not entrust my children to. Because what if chas v'shalom another danger arose? If a person was aware that someone was not holding by hilchos yichud or hilchos negia, and overlooked that, then that would be reason for me to pull my child out, even if I wasn't mekabel that she was actively protecting him.

As has been noted in other threads, the dayanim of the Chicago Beis Din are available and willing to talk to parents who have questions. Rather than relying on blogs and imamother threads, I think the thing to do is to pick up the phone and tell one of the three rabbis from the Chicago Beis Din what your situation is and ask how they advise you to proceed.

Last edited by ElTam on Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

debsey

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:58 pm

amother wrote:

I really want to stay on topic. U can open another thread about that

My question is if his sister is the English principal of a school is there a legitimate concern that if chv there was s-xual abuse in her school is she not trustworthy?

Disclaimer: I know this English principal, having worked with her professionally, and found her a warm, caring, committed principal who runs a very tight ship in terms of supervision of her teachers.
I COMPLETELY don't understand your question. What does one have to do with the other? How did this English principal, living a continent away from her brother, and more than a decade older than him, have anything to do with his actions? How could she possibly know what he was up to?
I have siblings on other continents, and I happen not to be close at all with one of them - he is twenty years older than me, and as he says, we're not of the same generation. I have NO idea what he is up to on a daily basis. If I see him once a year at a simcha, that's a lot, and I speak with him once in a blue moon. I know his KIDS who live in Lakewood, but his kids that don't live in this country, I probably would barely recognize. Would you hold me responsible if one day he engaged in some sort of misdeed? This whole thing is sounding very much like a witch hunt. Just because her maiden name is Meisels, doesn't mean she advocates for child abuse! Sheesh..........

amother

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:05 pm

If u read the claim it says that she is being sued because once the Chicago bd came out with their psak she actively tried to cover it up she made phone calls to parents, lied to parents, and sent out emails to parents claiming the seminaries are safe to go to and the claim is that she actively tried to cover up her brothers abuse.

She is listed as a staff member of the school she runs the whole American office. She is listed on their stationary.

On rabbi Kahane's letter her name was signed on the bottom.

Does this change the situation if she is actively involved in her brothers school?

debsey

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

She runs the office. Of course her name is going to be on the letterhead. I doubt she has any idea of what goes on over there. She's the business office. I dk if you know this, but the business office of seminaries is in the US. The business office collects tuition and organizes things like group flights. I went to an Israeli seminary. I doubt the business office people had any clue what I looked like, who I was, or what I did in seminary. All they knew were that my parent's checks were or were not cashed on time!

debsey

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Meisels is an American and is in lakewood all the time. He even owns a house in Lakewood.

and this proves what? He is alleged to have offended against his seminary students. She didn't see him in that context.
Look, I have no idea what she did or did not know. I just think this whole aspect of the situation is sounding like a witch hunt.