when to deny? | Imamother

cdawnr

Mon, May 21 2007, 12:16 am

Ok, so my ds turned 3 at the end of April and neither my dh nor my ds' teachers felt (or feel) that he was ready for the potty. He sees other kids in his class going, and he will sit on the potty seat, but in general I would say that he doesn't have a clue what the sensations are that signal the need until he is already in the act. This is fine, we are totally ok with not pressuring him.

We recently have started asking him to at least try the potty once a day, just to get used to it. And he does, but he just sits there and nothing happens..except that he asks for a book.

We are putting off any real potty training because we are moving across the country in 2.5 weeks and didn't want to have regression due to transition.

Ok, so that is the summary. Here is my dilemma/question. My ds has always been a staller when it comes to bed time. During the course of hte last week, however, after he has been put to bed, sung Shema, given water etc...he now say, "But I have to go potty."

Neither of us believe that he does. Dh and I are both pretty sure this is a stall tactic--but is it bad that I don't then sit him on the potty?

Do I have to put him on the potty everytime he says he has to go, even though many of the times I know he doesn;t (for instance, if I say, ok mommy has to go potty I;ll be right back, he'll race for the door and say he also has to go potty --um, being pregnant, I kinda tell him that I have to go and then he forgets about the potty for himself.)

mimivan

Mon, May 21 2007, 1:00 am

Can you give him time limits on the potty. Okay, you can sit for 5 minutes?

Maybe give him a lot of water in the afternoon so he really will need to go to the potty at night and will get it out of his system.

I personally didn't find the slow easy approach to potty training effective. When you decide the time is right, it should be "we're not going to be wearing diapers anymore" and that's it.

I hear you that you want to give him practice though. So as long as it is just practice, you don't have to feel bad about "missing" it. Schedule in 3-5 minutes on the potty before bedtime. And then he can't ask again (that is, until you begin potty training in earnest)
And don't forget there can also be regression after the new baby (that's what happened to us--mine was 99% trained and then went all the way back when younger baby was born)
b'shaa tova!

cdawnr

Mon, May 21 2007, 1:11 am

And don't forget there can also be regression after the new baby (that's what happened to us--mine was 99% trained and then went all the way back when younger baby was born)
b'shaa tova![/quote]

I know, I am totally afraid on this issue too, which is why we are so low pressured on it for him. But our story is crazy. We are moving to Jersey in 2.5 weeks, then I am due Sept 1, and shortly thereafter, probably mid-OCt, we are moving to Montreal. (This moving pattern has good reasons...but I know it will be tough on the kids and on me) so there is really no time in the next 6 months when we aren't facing an immenent transition and I don't think it should be put off til after he is 3.5

Tefila

Mon, May 21 2007, 1:44 am

Quote:

and I don't think it should be put off til after he is 3.5

Though it wont b the end of the world and might be better for everyone this way no pressure.
I had that with one of mine the others are all trained at 2-2 1/2. But this one it took longer. He is now 17 yrs old b'h Smile

mimivan

Mon, May 21 2007, 1:51 am

cdawnr wrote:

And don't forget there can also be regression after the new baby (that's what happened to us--mine was 99% trained and then went all the way back when younger baby was born)
b'shaa tova!

I know, I am totally afraid on this issue too, which is why we are so low pressured on it for him. But our story is crazy. We are moving to Jersey in 2.5 weeks, then I am due Sept 1, and shortly thereafter, probably mid-OCt, we are moving to Montreal. (This moving pattern has good reasons...but I know it will be tough on the kids and on me) so there is really no time in the next 6 months when we aren't facing an immenent transition and I don't think it should be put off til after he is 3.5[/quote]

I guess, if you wanted to start him wearing tzitzit at 3, you could say the beracha with him on the tzitzit in the morning and then take them off throughout the day if he is still wearing diapers. That's what my rav told me to do about a son after the age of 3 who still wasn't trained. (b'h he finally trained at 3 and 3 months!)

Ima'la

Mon, May 21 2007, 2:35 am

Tefila wrote:

Quote:

and I don't think it should be put off til after he is 3.5

Did you mean to write, "He is now 17 yrs old and b"H TRAINED"?! Wink

shalhevet

Mon, May 21 2007, 4:05 am

I can only tell you my experience in the last two weeks. My 2.5 yr old didn't show any interest in the toilet (I don't use a potty, but a seat with a step), never used it, never said he was making.

Well, summer came, I took off his diaper and explained (the explaining I had been doing for a while before as in 'When you're big...' 'Soon..' etc) and promised him an adash (chocolate, covered with coloured candy) after each time he made. This was last week and we've hardly had any accidents...

I think the problem is, is that you're dreading it, and it's just easier to keep him in diapers. Of course the first week or weeks aren't much fun and you can expect extra work, having to wait to go out while he uses the bathroom, having to take him out of bed when he calls that he needs to make... etc etc. But - too bad! Wink

You have children, and one of the parts of being a mommy is toilet training. It's not fair to delay him because it's easier for you. All I can say is that in Israel no normal child is still in diapers (during the day) at three years old (okay some may be, especially if they are 3 at the start of the summer and the mother is waiting for the warm weather). But it's not because the children are different, just the mothers' expectations. Of course he can make the connection, he just needs help. And like mimivan said, if you don't take off the diaper you aren't going to make any process.

Hatzlocho!

greenfire

Mon, May 21 2007, 9:47 am

A 3 year old is too big to be in diapers ... it doesn't really take much to train ... just be prepared to clean-up ... just get rid of the diapers and constantly schedule toilet trips ... I personally am not in favor of treating with nosh but with praise ... and at minimum would wait the 2.5 weeks for the move and then GO FOR IT!!! good luck!!!

cdawnr

Mon, May 21 2007, 9:54 am

thanks all

I am definitely waiting til after the move.

As far as the running around naked issue. Here on the west coast we live in an apartment complex and the apartment is FULLY carpet (except the small kitchen and two bathrooms)...didn't think that was a good idea and the outside is public property. Unfortunately, our house in Jersey also has a lot of carpeting, but I will probably take a long weekend and try the accident meathod as I think he needs to see it in action.

Thanks everyone.