to those who look more attractive in a shaitel then hair

newmammy

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 9:12 pm

A lot of posters keep mentioning that wearing a sheitel as kisui rosh is a heter.
I just want to point out that this is NOT the unanimous position amomgst poskim. In fact, Chabad holds that wearing a sheitel is the PREFERRED method of kisui rosh. The Lubavitcher Rebbe spoke and wrote to many, many women about the importance of covering specifically with a sheitel and pointed out many halachik problems with a tichel.

The topic of sheitels being very long, glamorous, etc. is a tznius issue. We hold that a sheitel should be cut in an appropriate style, just like a single woman's hair.

happysmile1

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 9:54 pm

The topic of tichels and sheitels is another heated discussion! (I wasn't going to even bring this one up!)

Actually most Poskim in the past two thousand years forbade wigs. if you study Rav Ovadia Yosef's six page teshuvah on the topic, he lists Gadol after Gadol, both sephardic and litvish, who forbade wigs. It was over 100 tremendous Rabbaim including The Chasam Sofer, the Vilna Goan, the Divrei Chaim etc...

There was one opinion in the Gemara who held that you could wear a wig in the "chatzer" - and he interpreted the word chatzer to mean outside the home. All the other poskim interpreted chatzer to be a private courtyard. (Rav Ovadia Yosef actually showed in a sefer how that opinion was not correct and there is no heter for a sheitel, that's why he screamed about wigs being assur.)

But the Ashkenaz world relied on that heter, especially during the 1800s when there were programs in Europe and Jewish women were told that they can't wear kerchiefs to cover their hair anymore. The Rabbaim at that time decided to allow the women to wear wigs as opposed to going around bare headed. But the wigs then were straw like and in no way provocative! The same with the state of head coverings in America in the 1950s. Most Jewish women weren't even covering their hair at all so Rabbaim decided to encourage wigs. And wigs looked very different then too- not at all like todays sheitels. Then the wigs got nicer and nicer until we've hit today's absolutely natural sheitels!

That's how our "mesorah" of wigs began!

I've seen a lot of ads recently about the topic and did research. It's true that most Gedolim said that a tichel is preferable.

Sorry for the whole history lesson- I just find it fascinating! Especially as it's info that no one really talks about

happysmile1

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 10:14 pm

That's great!

I guess I personally never learned any of this when I got married and started to cover my hair. I kind of just did it cuz that's what everyone does when they get married. I didn't have any understanding as to why I cover my hair. I just went and bought two gorgeous sheitels, one for Shabbos and one for weekday. I didn't even know that it was so connected to tznius.

A lot of my friends didn't have any of this info either. They've seen the ads recently about the topic of head coverings and have been doing research too.

I really apologize if I in any way offended anyone or came across as being preachy. I think that covering our hair is a very big nisayon, as is all of tznius.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 10:14 pm

newmammy wrote:

This.

I stood outside an outdoor chuppah in Crown Heights once, in a tichel, because I didn't know, and I got a look. I realize now that for Lubavitchers, a tichel is for chopping onions at home. Not outside. To that lady, I wasn't properly dressed for Crown Heights. If I wanted to hang around and watch the chuppah, dress with the program. So I learned. No harm done.

But the Lubavitcher Rebbe had no negative view of other communities' wearing tichels that were customary for them. It was only his OWN group that he wanted to see in sheitels.

greenfire

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 10:52 pm

happysmile1 wrote:

Whether we agree or disagree on what is most important, I think women will all agree that tznius is challenging.

Anything challenging racks up more points in shamayim.

The more we try to work on tznius the more merits we bring to the klal.

Whenever someone g-d forbid gets sick or needs some sort of salvation, one of the first things they will work on is modesty (if it's a woman).
And many women have seen miracles happen when they did take upon themselves an improvement in the area of modesty.

This is not to say other mitzvos are not important. But the more challenging the mitzvah the more reward.

so you're basically saying that if I walk around naked for a while & then I start dressing tznius - god will reward me with miracles ...

I think I'll go try it

ValleyMom

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:06 am

My sheitel is stunning.
Then I take it off to reveal my sweaty matted hair.
GROSS.

This is why I do NOT understand the sheitel is about hiding your beauty for your spouse.

You tell me... How HOT do I look in a wavy brown sheitel with voluptuous waves cascading down my back
versus
matted sweaty grimy brown strands plastered to my head.

Oh YEEEAAAH baaaaaaaby!

I mean... when they say we should look HOT for our husbands I don't think they had "sweaty gross matted hair HOT...

Things that make you go Hmmmm...

imaima

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:31 am

happysmile1 wrote:

I don't want to sound preachy or insult anyone but the reality is that we are supposed to be looking our most beautiful for our husbands in the house. We aren't supposed to be wearing sheitels that make us look so beautiful out of the house, where other men see us. Not that we should look ugly, but we have to be sensitive to what is alluring to men (obviously men have to guard their eyes too, it's a two way street). Hair is alluring, that's one of the reasons why women have to cover their hair when they get married. There have been many gedolim and rabbaim who have come out strongly against such natural looking sheitels. We are supposed to look married (it's not enough to just feel married) and the sheitel is supposed to look like a wig, not a glamorous hairdo. In your house you should wear whatever you and your husband like!
Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of info on this topic and many women have no idea why they are covering their hair. I always wore long beautiful wigs, then I started learning about the topic and I tried to make them more modest. It is really challenging because the majority of women do wear gorgeous sheitels and it's hard to walk in to a simcha and feel not up to par. But I guess this applies to all areas of tznius! It's a sacrifice for Hashem!

I give up.
We've had this topic plenty of times and still someone comes and tells this romantic nonsense.
So tell us why are you covering your hair, with the source?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:42 am

happysmile1 wrote:

No, that is not the reason why we cover our hair. We cover to show that we are married, nothing to do with the fact that hair is alluring. And trust me when I say, not every woman has alluring hair.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:44 am

happysmile1 wrote:

We are definitely not supposed to look unattractive, but we are supposed to downplay our beauty in public. There's a fine balance- we are not supposed to be provocative in any way.

I was really surprised to learn that a sheitel is just a heter, not a lechatchilah. And the heter was only given to wigs that are more wiggy, not natural looking ones. It's just become so much a part of our culture, sheitels are everywhere! Every magazine has tons of ads for gorgeous looking sheitels. I actually spoke to many Rabbaim about this whole topic and they told me that the sheitels have become a hypocrisy of what it means to cover our hair.

Where are you getting this from? This is just 100% not true. Why should we have to make ourselves look less pretty than we are? happysmile1, your facts are not factual at all. KNow things the correct way before you post them.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:50 am

happysmile1 wrote:

I don't know any Rabbaim that give a heter to a long beautiful wig, even if their daughters have long beautiful hair. One has nothing to do with the other.

The other day my wonderful Polish cleaning lady told me that her friend's husband likes to go shopping in the Kosher supermarket near me so he could see all the Jewish women in their beautiful hair- he asked my cleaning lady how come Jewish women all have gorgeous hair no matter their age. He was shocked to hear that we are all wearing wigs!

This is not what covering our hair is supposed to mean!

this says waaaaay more about your cleaning lady's husband than about long wigs. Rolling Eyes

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 1:52 am

happysmile1 wrote:

No, not all women thiink that tzniut is challenging. I being one of those women. I dress how I dress and I know that I dress how I learned it is ok. It does not matter if others dont think it is fine, I know that it is fine according to my shita in life.
And I find it completely wrong that when people get sick or need any sort of salvation the first thing is tzniut that they want people to work on, very wrong.

happysmile1

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 8:33 am

I think it's pretty telling that everyones responses to the posts I put up have no sources or names of Gedolim! Again I'm just stating info that I've read and learned from reliable sources and books. None of this is my own opinion.

I highly recommend reading "The Unique Princess" by Rebbetzin Tehilla Abramov, for anyone who is interested in actually learning the emes about why we cover our hair. (I just saw that it's actually on sale now- if you buy it you receive a Secret of Jewish Femininity for free!) It's one of the only books out there that that really explains the mitzvah of kisui rosh and it has tons of endorsements from big Rabbaim including Rav Elyashiv.

Here's a quote from the book, "The obligation to cover one's hair appears in the Torah portion of Naso. this portion deals with matters pertaining to the ishah sotah....In order to ascertain whether the woman was unfaithful to her husband, she is given water in which the Name of G-d was erased. In order to avoid erasing the Name, various actions are taken to first to try and break the woman's haughty, brazen spirit. As a last resort, the Kohein takes her in front of the Sanctuary, removes her head covering and makes her hair wild. From this, we learn that up until that moment, her hair was covered (Ibn Ezra, Bamidbar 5:18) and that exposed hair is considered a humiliation for a married woman (Rashi, Kesubas 2). Exposing her hair places the woman in a state of unparalleled humiliation and shame."

Then in another chapter it states, "The halachic authorities who permit wearing a wig do so on condition that the look of the wig testifies to the fact that its wearer is covering her hair and not walking around bare-headed, like a single girl. In addition the wig must adhere to defined guidelines of modesty."

We are supposed to look like we are wearing a wig. the wig is supposed to look a head covering, not a gorgeous hairstyle otherwise it completely defeats the purpose of covering our hair.

Here's one more quote from Rabbi Forcheimer's book on tznius- the well known Peninim book, "Chazal have given the hair of the married woman the status of ervah. This means that the hair, as is the case of any other part of the female body that is labeled ervah, can cause a man who sees it to feel attracted to her."

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 24 2014, 8:40 am

happysmile1 wrote:

here we go again. happymile1, not everyone holds of those rabbanim. I personally am not charedi and r. elyashiv or the like were never my rabbanim. So really whatever they hold by holds nothing for me as they are not my rabbanim. This is how YOU hold, but not everyone does.
Gosh, I dont even own a wig. I cover with barettes and mitpachot. But there are other ways to cover, not jus tthe way you are holding of.