How much to give for a wedding?

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 8:00 am

My youngest brother is getting married soon. Their wedding will be in a nice fancy hall in NJ. Anyway, I've been mostly to weddings in Israel, but I know that over here it's more expensive and people give out bigger checks for wedding gifts. My husband is the only one working (I'm a stay at home mom) and we have two kids (and one more on the way). So I was thinking to write a check for $200. But is that too little? I don't want to be the one that gives the least, but we can't afford.

Raisin

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 8:04 am

I don't think people expect young struggling couples to give huge amounts. $200 sounds plenty to me, for sure enough to cover your plates I would think.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 8:16 am

My husband's two brothers, who work and have very well paying jobs and very affluent lifestyles, chipped in for an approx. $300 item for us.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 9:27 am

They knw ur a struggling young couple 200 is more then enough.
ALso what type of wedding is it? Does each seat cost them like 100$. ?(I've been to weddings where the seat was about 135$ and u basically had to pay for each seat u reserved for) if so as a sibling and of course if ur able to afford it, it's usally nice to cover the cost of ur seats and little extra.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 3:12 pm

OP here
I know each seat costs over $100 because they also chose glatt kosher russian style of serving so that cost more in NJ. But I still wasn't thinking of paying over $200 because we can't afford AND in a way, his bride never gave us a gift after she came to both of my son's brits (and she can afford).

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

I knw this sounds wierd but some dnt give anything when they are not married. Maybe they just dnt knw or dnt think they need to. Perhaps thats what happened when she came for the Brit.
Anyways I think just covering ur seats is good enough. Or 200$ and a little gift.. Does the money go to the couple or to parents?

JAWSCIENCE

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 4:50 pm

Do you have other siblings? Are they also giving money? I am not used to siblings giving cash to each other at weddings (yes to nephews at bar mitzvahs). We usually give a gift or something the couple wants or the parents prefer nobody gives as it is just another expense. I really do not think your brother/sister will judge you. I also would not judge them about the baby gift.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 4:56 pm

JAWSCIENCE wrote:

Not op
In some communities that's how it's done.. U give when. U go to their event and they give back when they come to urs.. It would look bad if they dnt give anything at all
Especially when the cost of a plate is more then 100$

b from nj

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 5:48 pm

I agree that siblings aren't expected to give cash gifts. My DD got married last year & her married SIL did not give her any wedding gift & her brother-in-law recently got married & I don't think my DD gave them a gift either. I don't think it should be expected for siblings especially young couples with young children.

It sounds like the $200 is MORE than enough IMHO!

JAWSCIENCE

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 5:52 pm

amother wrote:

That's why I asked if there are other siblings. There are weddings over $100 a plate in my community and the siblings still don't give cash unless there is a huge age difference between the siblings and the couple. The best way to know what will be appropriate is for the the siblings to communicate with each other. If she gives $200 and her sister gives $500 or $50 or a silver menorah, things will seem lopsided. If there are no other siblings, then she's on her own.

imasoftov

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 6:39 pm

amother wrote:

I'm curious
1) what is russian style of serving?
2) does everyone else in this thread know?

greenfire

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 6:48 pm

imasoftov wrote:

I'm curious
1) what is russian style of serving?
2) does everyone else in this thread know?

I knew the other day - but I forgot Scratching Head

[seriously]

greenfire

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 6:50 pm

as for a present - I think you do what your budget allows ... also imho a present from their registry is nicer than cash so they can remember what you gave them as close family ... but nobody should be checking who gave what and who gave the least

greenfire

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 7:16 pm

greenfire wrote:

I knew the other day - but I forgot Scratching Head

[seriously]

everything is piled in fancy tiered platters and side-served one at a time - in a banquet style - served with the most elegant fashion while you sit like aristocrats - all proper & dignified

amother

Thu, Mar 19 2015, 6:58 am

imasoftov wrote:

I'm curious
1) what is russian style of serving?
2) does everyone else in this thread know?

OP here

I'm actually not 100% what's a russian style of serving, my brother just told me that the servants are always with the food and you can always go get more food (almost like a buffet style, I guess where you can get more food all the time but it's on your table).

amother

Thu, Mar 19 2015, 7:00 am

JAWSCIENCE wrote:

Yes, I have another brother and sister. My sister said she'll give $200 as well (but she'll be without her husband who's in Israel right now, so it's really like she's paying for one seat).

The bride isn't frum so she had a bridal shower a few weeks ago and everyone bought stuff from her Bed Bath & Beyond registry. So basically, she and my brother already got some gifts before the wedding (and I also bought one). So the check would be for the wedding...I wouldn't buy another gift.

greenfire

Thu, Mar 19 2015, 1:10 pm

amother wrote:

Here's a pic frm a wedding recently and this is a little more on the modest side I think she means something like this

oh gosh - that provides for a nice array of tastes ... however, I would find that sort of clutter anything but elegant

amother

Thu, Mar 19 2015, 1:21 pm

I remember getting a check for $15 (yes, fifteen)for a wedding gift. I was so touched that they gave us money, they are a young couple with many small children yet they still wanted to give us a check. That was more meaningful than some $180 checks that we received.

I think $200 is a very nice amount. Perhaps you can get a gift instead of a check that way it looks bigger? Offer to buy them a set of glasses for $200.