I have Multiple Personality Disorder, Ask me anything!

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 1:09 pm

milkshake wrote:

Would hypnosis be helpful in reliving past trauma and thus being able to deal with it?

maybe but I think if I'm supposed to remember I will hypnosis is more likely to lead to false memories which I'm afraid of. With people who are dissociative you are already so dissociated I don't know if hypnosis would help I have tried it actually many years ago before being diagnosed but I didn't see any results with it. I haven't been looking into treatment in the past five years because ice been managing so well Baruch Hashem! I

marina

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 1:57 pm

Have you ever been dangerous while in another state?

harriet

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 2:02 pm

does it impact your caring for your children? are they aware of it?

Scrabble123

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 2:03 pm

Why are there anonymous posters here besides for the OP? I think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone such delicate, personal questions anonymously and its a sign that you possibly should not be asking what you are.

Hello, OP: Please feel free to ignore the questions you do not wish to answer. If some of them do not make sense, I'll try and clarify.

1. Do you know how to label your different personalities (Not for us - just in your head). Does each have specific, unique characteristics?

2. Do you know what triggers you into one personality over another?

3. Do you have a protector personality?

4. Do you feel that this experience has helped you better value your true inner self and qualities because that is what your immediate acquaintances hold onto and bond with. They love you (the entire you), and are able to focus on the true inner you and not outside peels or personalities?

5. Do you have irrational or rational based anxieties about things that a personality may say or do? I'm not talking "Sybil" style - just if one acts very immature do you have irrational fears of how that may impact how others perceive you (although you obviously have a very supportive system around you which you deserve).

6. Do you feel that your true, non-dis-associative personality has some control over the others? Like can you talk to yourself in a dis-associative state and say, "True Self, let this impostor just slowly pass and get out it will be over soon..." Was that a feeling that you had a develop and does that help you work through times when you dis-associate?

nywife

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 2:30 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

Hello, OP: Please feel free to ignore the questions you do not wish to answer.

Well, she can choose not to answer but then it wouldn't be much of an "ask me anything" thread..

OP- thank you for sharing your struggle. Are your children old enough to be aware of what's going on? If so, how do you address it with them?

Scrabble123

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 2:47 pm

nywife wrote:

Well, I don't think that ask me anything demands that the individual answer everything. I'm allowed to remind OP of that freedom while I'm posting so that my questions and post do not come off as harsh or direct.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 2:49 pm

marina wrote:

Have you ever been dangerous while in another state?

Dangerous like to hurt others no to hurt myself yes but Baruch Hashem today I am in a very healthy place which leads to the next question.

harriet wrote:

does it impact your caring for your children? are they aware of it?

No not at all! If I wasn't able to fully be a wife I would not have gone out its why I waited till my 30's to get married I only went out 5 times! No my kids don't know but my older is just a toddler. If I switched they would just think I'm acting silly. Which isn't really an issue. I've had full time jobs without any issues occasionally I'd have a hard day but everyone can have off days my bosses never noticed. My friends do not know about this my best friend from my childhood knew something when I was diagnosed but not sure if I told her exactly what was going on. So for the most part at this point it's something that goes on behind closed doors when no one knows.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 3:31 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

First of all Scrabble thank you for your understanding how painful some of the questions can be to address in general and for standing up for me. I really do appreciate your caring reading your introduction brought tears to my eyes so many times in my past I was hurt and I did not know how to stand up for myself and no one was there to stand up for me. Now I am an adult and I chose to start this thread but it is still refreshing to feel so much less alone by the words you wrote.

nywife wrote:

Well, she can choose not to answer but then it wouldn't be much of an "ask me anything" thread..

As far as the next poster who wrote that I wrote ask me anything I wrote ask me anything I still can do as Scrabble suggests and ignore any questions I wish not answer because the title says ask me anything it does not say I will answer EVERYTHING although I will do my best to answer.

Scrabble123 wrote:

Hello, OP: Please feel free to ignore the questions you do not wish to answer. If some of them do not make sense, I'll try and clarify.

1. Do you know how to label your different personalities (Not for us - just in your head). Does each have specific, unique characteristics?

At the time I was in therapy roughly 4 years once I was diagnosed for about 15 years before that. I did try to identify parts. For myself. As in little "sara" (not my real name) happy, sad, worker (the one who got all the work done etc. It didnt' really help me though per se I guess for some people it helps them to "communicate between parts maybe to make rules etc." when doing this I came up with about 15-20 names but No idea if some are the same part just having different emotions feelings or ages... There aren't any real rules so I no longer focus on that.

Scrabble123 wrote:

2. Do you know what triggers you into one personality over another?

not really only of course when I get triggered by specific memories if my husband touches me in a way that reminds me of one of my abusers. I really feel bad for him but he is sooooo respectful and kind I am truly blessed.

Scrabble123 wrote:

3. Do you have a protector personality?

No, not that I know of. Although the adult self really protects everyone just like any adult would. Then again at diagnosis when my whole life was turned upside down my adult known self the one known as "SARA" just disappeared It was pretty much kids 24/7 the adult was a teenager but the strong backbone of us was gone and couldn't take care of my basic needs. Maybe a break down of sorts not sure what to call it. I wasn't eating I couldn't even drive or go to work left my job cold turkey I worked in the mental health field but don't think that's what triggered it. But now I"m back HI! Smile

Scrabble123 wrote:

4. Do you feel that this experience has helped you better value your true inner self and qualities because that is what your immediate acquaintances hold onto and bond with. They love you (the entire you), and are able to focus on the true inner you and not outside peels or personalities?

I don't understand what you mean. I think this experience is something I value because it helped me survive. Children are resilient but we need ways to cope and this was the way my mind coped so I am grateful. Sorry that I have not answered your question properly but I don't know what you mean. I think I'm just like anyone else not that people value anything about me more or less than the other person because most people don't know about my disorder. I think the opposite if anyone knew how I really was on the inside they'd run and I don't just say this as an "irrational fear" I did try to tell people at different points and most people couldn't handle it. So I just don't tell anyone. I haven't told anyone in many years. I was diagnosed about 13 years ago.

Scrabble123 wrote:

5. Do you have irrational or rational based anxieties about things that a personality may say or do? I'm not talking "Sybil" style - just if one acts very immature do you have irrational fears of how that may impact how others perceive you (although you obviously have a very supportive system around you which you deserve).

my husband gets upset if I act too silly in public. Sometimes I mistakenly show my childish side when being playful with nieces or my kids in public that bothers my husband he wants me to act like a mature adult all the time and he is right I don't blame him but sometime I think I let myself slip in public do things I shouldn't it's not irrational it's what I do and I probably should be more careful. Because I don't want to embarrass my husband. That's not fair to him. I love toys and when I got married I had to give most of them away but over the years I have more playful things and now I have kids so they have toys I don't need any Smile

I enjoy playing lego with my kids. but I don't switch to do it. I probably should let me inside parts know that I am doing it for them so they can heal but I don't. I pretty much pretend I don't have DID for the past 5 years of marriage. I pushed it away until it gets hard which prompted me to start this thread. I couldn't keep it in anymore and there is no one in the work other than going back to therapy I know of that I can talk to.

Scrabble123 wrote:

6. Do you feel that your true, non-dis-associative personality has some control over the others? Like can you talk to yourself in a dis-associative state and say, "True Self, let this impostor just slowly pass and get out it will be over soon..." Was that a feeling that you had a develop and does that help you work through times when you dis-associate?

My true self is writing this post and yes I do have some control but I don't physically talk to myself although I try more unconsciously to control things and keep order. I do try to push away the parts of me that aren't me like anyone would try and push away a bad mood but it isn't so simply and it takes over my body and soul completely not like what the typical individual would experience when feeling scared or remembering something that happened to them.

Again Scrabble thank you for the respectful post and your questions helped me I hope they clarified somethings for you as well. For me it's cathartic to express what I have lived with/live with so thank you Smile

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 3:42 pm

mille wrote:

Many Psychologists do not believe that DID is a real disorder, and that pretty much all patients are either malingering or are aware of other personalities, making it more of a coping mechanism than what the disorder is actually supposed to be. There was a spike of cases of DID right after Sybil came out, for instance... Which would not be consistent with an actual disorder. Furthermore, there is very weak neurological evidence that anything different is going on in the brain in patients diagnosed with DID.

What do you have to say to the strong criticism that the disorder is possibly not real?

(As a note, this is not necessarily my opinion, I'm asking how OP responds to this criticism, which certainly does exist in the psych community)

I am a different Amother, and I haven't read this whole thread but I feel I have to post. I was diagnosed with DID about ten years ago. At that time, I was in an abusive marriage. I used to also get "lost," talk in other voices, etc. When I got out of the abusive marriage, I stopped needing to do that. (It had been my only means of "escape.")

I would agree that it is not a real diagnosis, at least not in my experience. It certainly was not a helpful diagnosis for me. Most helpful was getting the space to see I was being abused (raped), and to get myself out of the current situation.

BH now happily married to non-abusive man, and no problems at all. Well, I mean the ordinary kind. But nothing that would scream "Mental health emergency!"

studying_torah

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 4:29 pm

Dearest op, I want to sent hugs and strength to you! It sounds like you do an amazing job being a wife and mother so kol hakavod!

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 4:33 pm

studying_torah wrote:

Dearest op, I want to sent hugs and strength to you! It sounds like you do an amazing job being a wife and mother so kol hakavod!

you are so sweet Smile

It helps!! It really helps to hear that! Thank you!

amother

Red

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 4:48 pm

Mille said "Many Psychologists do not believe that DID is a real disorder"
Newsflash-all "disorders" are just names for symptoms put together to categorize the patient. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but they do not explain what is going on internally, or what caused these symptoms in the first place.
I hope you are able to get the help you need and are able to break away from this label, b/c you are unique, you obviously have/had some issues which cause these symptoms to occur, but you are not a label. Also, you do not "have" a disease which can be found by taking a throat culture for example. Again, labels are ok to use for practical purposes, but try not to let it define you, b/c it's not you, it is quite possibly your response to a trauma.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 5:22 pm

amother wrote:

Correct A psychological disorder is really just a collection of symptoms that's why the posts saying it's not real makes no sense because the label doesn't really matter. I am not DID I just suffer from certain symptoms that classify me for the disorder. It definitely DOES NOT define me. Thank you! and yes I think I don't let it define me any more just like I don't like the neglect and abuse I suffered as a child and adult define me. That however does not make it not real or unbelievable it just means I worked through it. Which is a good thing Smile

estelle

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 6:03 pm

Im quite curious to know - can you tell when other people have this disorder? Like, have you ever met someone and been around them for a while and then gone - oh yeah she definitly has it! cant hide it from me!

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 6:20 pm

estelle wrote:

yes once that did happen I realized they had it later they were diagnosed and told me about it. But it's rare so not something that happens to often plus it's not something you show too much on the outside.

mille

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 7:57 pm

Edit: I wrote a whole post but I'm taking it down because I don't really want to turn this into a big debate thread. I'll just say that I was apologizing to the OP, because I worded my question/post very poorly and didn't really explain what perspective I'm coming from, and in doing so apparently I was insulting. So, my apologies. I've done a lot of neuropsychological research, so I find this stuff interesting, but it's sometimes hard to remember that when I'm thinking/speaking from a clinical perspective, it doesn't come across very warm and fuzzy.

If anyone quoted my original post in between the post and this edit, please remove it.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 8:06 pm

mille wrote:

Thank you Mille,

I appreciate your taking down your original post and apologies accepted. I'm sorry if I did not receive your comment in the best way. To take down my response since I included your post, you have to ask a moderator because I can't since I would like to remain anonymous. Again thank you!

mille

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

No worries about the original post. I am keeping it there for the integrity of the thread, so others can see what happened (since multiple posts reference it). I posted a longer reply above and deleted it, that's what I didn't want quoted. It was nothing nasty, but it was simply off topic. It wasn't very nice to you to derail the thread, so I removed it.

I do want to say one thing, though. I don't think it's fair to say a disorder is just a "group of symptoms" and it doesn't matter. I get that labels seem arbitrary, but they are very important in the scheme of mental health, because we use diagnoses as a guideline of how to treat someone. You treat bipolar disorder and chronic depression very differently, even though they share many common symptoms (at least for bipolar's depression state). You treat a lot of disorders chemically, with drugs, and a lot of disorders cognitively, with therapy. And some with both. I think it does a disservice to the mental health community and those suffering from illnesses to say that disorders are completely arbitrary. In general, they are backed up by a large body of scientific research that details potential/known causes or triggers, treatment options, and prognosis. This is a very very good thing, because it shows the mental illness is very much as real and tangible as physical illness. No one is going to say you don't have cancer when your doctor finds a malignant tumor on a scan, but plenty of people will tell you to "just get over it" when you are suffering from chronic depression... I just worry that it is a dangerous line of thinking to say that disorders are meaningless.

nanny24/7

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 9:24 pm

I admire you so much for being brave enough to post this. Hugs to you!
And I wish you had support of a lot of people who knew this about you and still accept you.
I assure you I would accept you wholeheartedly if I knew you. You are wonderful the way you are. I wouldn't care even if I see you acting like a child a lot of times, besides I love children - they are so cute!!
Can you come to my house and play legos with me and my kids - like a real kid? I would love that! I am not joking or sarcastic when I say this, I mean it -
I love you for who you are! but I don't actually mean it literraly since A. I don't post my address on imamother for privacy reasons, and B. I know you said you can't choose to make the child take over when you want to.
I am happy to hear your husband is supportive. I wonder if you can't ask him to make special times where it's always ok to let the child take over if it tries to - like when playing with children - I bet the children would even love it. I am just wondering and I really don't know and am not trying to give you advice but I wonder if you allowed the child to take over more, when it's ok to, and not always try pushing it away, if it would maybe feel "satisfied" as to not suddenly jump out at you when you don't want it to. Especially if you have possibly the conscious awareness enough to tell the child when or during or after it came out , " I am/was letting you come out because I love you and know it's okay to be you and I will love you as a child and it's okay" no idea as I never heard of this but just my gut feeling about it....
sorry if my wording of "come out" is wrong or inappropriate I am just not sure how to word it.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jun 08 2015, 9:27 pm

mille wrote:

so you aren't sorry ok so I don't forgive you... also I never said disorders are meaningless all I said is that the label doesn't really matter to me per se because a label doesn't define me. What I experience defines me so it wouldn't really matter if some people don't believe the disorder exists and it is in the DSM just like any other disorder so I don't really understand your point.