'Only' Child | Imamother

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 8:46 am

Boruch Hashem three year old DD isn't an only child but it often feels like she is as my others are a lot older and only get home right before her bedtime.

She is desperate for company and gets very kvetchy every day after school. I tried to do crafts with her, turn on music etc. but it's not enough, besides, I can't do that all the time. I travelled recently and she stayed with a friend and she was so happy with the company. She wasn't kvetchy. Didn't misbehave. It was as if she was a different child.

I feel the being alone is really making her miserable. Unfortunately there are no friends nearby and her classmates are little so their parents don't like arranging dates on a school night.

Ideas?

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 9:18 am

Similar situation ongoing, my DD is 7 years younger than sibling before her and a big socializer. I'm lucky enough to live in a neighborhood with other kids, so sometimes it does work out to have a neighbor's child come over or vice versa, but on days where no friends are available, she is one unhappy camper.

At 3 I actually sent her to an after-school program, because her playgroup ended at 2 and she was impossibly bored - the program went until 3:30 and was a lifesaver.

I don't have any great suggestions besides for getting her involved with activities she enjoys. If you bake cookies, have her help you roll the dough. If you are cleaning up, allow her to spritz down the table and chairs. If you have time to shlep out the blocks or whatever and build something with her, do so. I have an art-supplies drawer that she accesses to make her own creation (read: mess) and it's a lifesaver when she's in the mood.

It's not easy parenting a child with no siblings her age, but we do what we have to. It does get a little easier as they get older, also their school day is longer (my DD is 7 now).

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 9:27 am

Chayalle wrote:

I already do all that but she's sooo unhappy... I guess not everything has an easy solution. Thanks for chiming in though, it helps to feel less alone! Very Happy

Raisin

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 10:51 am

I have an isolated daughter as well. She has a younger brother and older siblings but they are quite a few years apart. She does play sometimes with her older brother bh. She is 7 now and I am constantly having to arrange playdates.

I often joke life would be easier if she were born with a twin sister.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 11:00 am

Self independence in play is crucial. There is always a first child, a last child, a gap child, an other gender child.
I taught my then only to play on her own. Rosemond has good stuff on this. Now she wishes sometimes she still had the opportunity to do so :p (kah)

saw50st8

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 12:09 pm

amother wrote:

Can you enroll her in some after school activities like dance or gymnastics or something?

Tel Tzion Ima

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 1:25 pm

I vote for an after-school program.
I have a five-yr-old that would kvetch for hours after school last year. She's three years older than her younger brother, and her two older siblings had a longer school day and/or wanted to go out with friends their age without her tagging along. The neighbor's kids who are a similar age were in after-school daycare. It was really hard to make play dates partly bcse so many of her friends on our block are in families where the kids are closer in age and play happily among themselves without the need for play dates.
This year, she's in an after-school daycare. It's great. She has other kids to play with, and she finishes at 4 as do her siblings and the neighbors. She's not bored and kvetching. She has friends at daycare, and then by the time she comes home she has friends and siblings.
Her younger brother is also in full-day daycare this year. They just need the built-in social life without having to rely on play dates.

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 1:39 pm

amother wrote:

Isn't she too young for that?

No, not at all! There are many mommy-and-me activities for this age group, and some just-kids programs start around age 3-4. I caution against overscheduling, but it sounds as though your daughter would like a change of scenery.

Don't think too much about your child behaving differently when you were away. Kids sometimes feel the need to be on their best behavior with others, and save their difficult behaviors for their mommies, when they can relax a little.

Fox

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 4:11 pm

It goes against my nature to be a stickler for political correctness. but OP, could you consider changing the title and opening description of the problem.

Some children are able to entertain themselves easily; others, for whatever reason, aren't. It has nothing to do with the presence or absence of siblings in their lives. If anything, "only children" tend to be a little better at it than those with siblings.

Ruchel

Fri, Dec 04 2015, 7:21 am

sourstix wrote:

ruchel what does he say? I would love to hear. I have such a child. only wants friends and cant occupy himself. can you share or tell me which book I should get?

Basically you show him his games and how to play with them, and if he refuses you let them be bored or offer chores.
You can google John Rosemond he has articles.