Are non-tznius mothers a reason not to send my daughter the

Dandelion1

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 8:30 am

amother wrote:

Yes, we were all completely appalled. I asked her where she got that language, and she says "All the girls here know the English swear words. They say the f word and sh, and call each other b, and lots of other stuff. This is supposedly a very good Dati/Torani school that stresses excellent middot. Rolling Eyes

I've been working on her to clean up her language, as well as teaching her not to judge people who are less observant than we are. The above posters are correct, when a kid hits 12 or 13, they have a very hard time sorting out right from wrong, and figuring out the way to behave properly. She never would have acted like this when she was 8 or 9.

Are these actual quotes from your daughter?? It just doesn't sound like the way a typical kid communicates with their parents, frum or not.

Sadie

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 9:59 am

Sorry, amother cobalt, for assuming that you were more upset by the mother's dress than your daughter's language. If she is indeed picking up from her friends that's okay to call people sluts then I agree that she needs a change of environment.

amother

Olive

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 11:09 am

One second, Cobalt. From your description it sounds like you live in EY (dati, torani are not US terms) so in what language did your daughter describe the friend's mother so disparagingly?

amother

Blonde

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 12:45 pm

I almost always went to schools where we didn't believe in the schools (or what the classmates did) hashkafa or level of observance or level of gashmiyus consumption etc. there weren't too many choices growing up, so I learned "we do X, they do Y". I could figure out if I couldn't eat at a friends house based on snacks they brought out (or when we went to the fridge I saw things with no hechsher- so I asked for fruit or a packaged good). While uncomfortable at times, I was able to manage and it taught me great skills for life. I didn't absorb their messages.
Even if their moms didn't cover their hair- I do. I wear proper length skirts, not too tight and high necklines.

The education was great and served me well.

Bottom line- know your daughter and know how well you can impart messages.

the world's best mom

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 1:08 pm

I wouldn't send my kid to a school where the mothers don't dress Tniusdigly, not so much because of the kid noticing the way people dress, but rather because the children are likely to have very different Hashkafos than we do. They are probably not the kind of kids I want my daughter spending her entire day with every day.

Although I would be fine with it if most of the kids came from homes more similar to ours, and only a small percentage were different.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Dec 06 2015, 1:19 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

That was really my point. On the first day of school I was suprised at how most of the other mothers dressed. Not trashy by any means, but short skirts, pants, uncovered hair, etc.

To the poster above who asked where we live, we are in Israel, and we speak English at home. We never, EVER use that kind of language though. I won't even let her call anyone "stupid". You can only imagine the look on my face when she said what she did, and I thought my poor husband was going to plotz! Surprised