Can I text a difficult child's mother?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Ruby

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 5:40 pm

My 7th grade ds has a socially challenged boy in his class. Yesterday this boy was fighting with another boy and threw my ds's tefillin on the floor. Today he threw his tissues out the window. I'm not sayng this boy is targeting my son..I would like him to leave my ds's things alone. I do not want to talk to the mom, it's uncomfortable but I can text her..the question is should I or just speak to the principal?

singleagain

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:16 pm

I think it depends on what you would say, and what challenges the classmate has. Certain things should be done face to face or via principal.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:18 pm

This requires a telephone call.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:23 pm

op here-this is what I plan on saying: I know your son is not intentionally trying to target my son but yesterday when he was throwing my sons' chair at another child, he threw my sons tefillin on the floor ( I'm laughing as I write this-this sounds horrible) and today for no apparent reason he threw my son's tissue box out the window. Please tell him to leave my ds's things alone.

singleagain

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:25 pm

I think magentayenta is right, this needs a phone call.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:26 pm

amother wrote:

So far so good. I would change the last sentence to, 'How do you want to handle this?' It's an open ended question that permits the other adult input into solving the problem with her child.

Jeanette

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:36 pm

I think you need to get the school involved before calling the parents. Was there supervision at the time? Does the boy have an aide/shadow? Would it help? Leave the mother alone for now.

srbmom

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 6:42 pm

Personally, I would talk to the teacher or the principal. If your DS only has to deal with this kid in school, I wouldn't see a need to approach the mother. There may be behavioral or emotional issues that the child has that the school knows about and needs to deal with better. Why get the mother involved? And why cause her extra emotional stress?

MitzadSheini

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:31 pm

The mom knows her has issue s. She is probably powerless to do any thing about it. Talk to her, commiserate with her, find solutions with her... But don't send her a demanding text message. You have to deal with her son a few minutes, she has him every minute of every day of her life

anonymrs

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:35 pm

Please spare the poor mother. She is probably stressed enough from her son and there isn't much she can do to control his behavior at school. You can try to speak to the teacher/principal to find out about the level of supervision or to discuss the need for extra supervision because this child is in the class.

causemommysaid

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:41 pm

Texting in this context is inappropriate.

This requires a phone call or principal intervention.

mochacoffee

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:43 pm

From a different point of view:
As a teacher, I would definitely say call the teacher first. I've had a few similar phone calls to yours this year and dealt with the issues immediately. When need be, I also involved the principal. It's also beneficial for the teacher to know about bullying incidents. Bullying is a big problem and I don't recommend keeping the teacher in the dark even if you are going to approach the other mother on your own. Especially if the 'bully' will continue with his behavior.

animeme

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:46 pm

Teacher, please. Same speech. If you get no help, then the principal. Contacting her will only prompt her to call the school anyway. It's not like she can just tell him to stop- there will meed to be some sort of plan.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 7:51 pm

I think calling the principal or teacher can have reprocusions, like the boy may be suspended or expelled, they may say that they are not equipped to handle such children.

I think you should call the mom, not the school.

Let her know that you know her son didn't mean it, and it was an accident, but if she could talk with him to be more careful.

Then, daven for this boy, for this family. B" H you have a healthy son.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 8:10 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not worried about that...Im convinced these parent's pay off the school to keep their child in...he is extremely chutzpah and disruptive in class to the point it's impossible for some of the teachers to teach with him in the room and most of the class is suffering bc of him..yes I feel totally sorry for the kid and parents, my ds's principle does not handle problem children well, it's either don't do anything (especially if there is money) or kick you out if you come from nothing...this child aint budging! I'm not aware if the mother knows everything that goes on in the room bc of her son.
As far as supervision...they are in 7th grade..there are plenty of in btwn classes that there is no supervision. I cant insist on it.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 8:26 pm

Throwing a chair at another child? Never ok. Don't care how much money you have. If the principle won't help, id probably go to the teacher and see if anything comes of it. Do you know the mother of the child he threw a chair at? I would also inform her and she should inform the school as well. It could be that her son is embarrassed and didn't tell his mother.
The schools going to have major issues to deal with if someone gets injured by a flying chair C'V'S, it's probably going to cost them a lot more then what this boys parents are giving the school. And I would let them know that!

As for the boy who is causing problems, this poor kid obviously needs some help and guidance that he isn't getting. I wouldn't bother stressing his mother any more about it she already knows. But if she has so much money, why not get him an aid in the class?

Good luck.

seeker

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 10:21 pm

A child who can't control himself needs supervision even if the norm is more unsupervised time for his grade level. Exceptions are made for special circumstances. Stop making excuses why this or that won't work, your problem is not to figure out what will work but to tell the appropriate parties and politely insist that THEY work something out.

I agree with above replies saying that you should first approach the school (because the issue is severe, I'd say talk to the teacher AND principal. But when talking to the principal, be very careful not to place blame on the teacher or as if you're going behind the teacher's back.) If you feel that the school is not being responsive, then you should talk to the parents of the child. Definitely not by text message, even if things are uncomfortable to say in person it's davka those things that are usually not appropriate to dash off as a text. But when you talk to the parents, having already asked the school to address the issues occurring in school, I would approach it not as asking her to solve the problem but just as letting her know BECAUSE YOU CARE and because it doesn't seem to you like the school is handling it adequately. So you want to make sure she knows what is going on in school and is aware that they may not be providing as much support as her son needs - so that she can better help her son. Not so that life will be easier for your son, because it's likely she can't really help with that anyway - if the kid is out of control and these things are happening in school where she isn't there to help, there's not much she can do except advocate for better support or try to move him to a more appropriate placement.

groisamomma

Thu, Dec 24 2015, 10:31 pm

I would call the mother. From what you're saying about the school it's a dead end.

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