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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
Did your parents discuss finances and budgeting with you?
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| Yes - somewhat |
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25% |
[ 17 ] |
| Yes - fully |
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5% |
[ 4 ] |
| No |
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40% |
[ 27 ] |
| No - but I saw them budgeting |
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22% |
[ 15 ] |
| Other |
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5% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 67 |
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amother
Slateblue
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 Tue, Dec 29 2015, 4:07 am
Did your parents discuss finances and budgeting with you?
| SRS wrote: | You are perfectly capable as an adult of putting your children on a different path than the one you were put on by stressing a few things:
1. emphasize the importance of saving money from the first dollar earned and always spending less than you make,
2. talk about choices in everyday conversation (we can buy those fancy cookies or we can buy three tubs of ice cream for the same price because it is on sale, we can apply our own makeup and do our own hair for Moshele's bar mitzvah and use the money we do have to go to an amusement park)
3. The importance of living life in a rational order. Finish school, get on a career path, get married, have kids is the way out for the next generation. I think we can see just where having kids before having paying jobs leads. The opposite will lead in a different direction. |
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m in Israel
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 4:41 am
It's such a broad topic, I'm not sure what you are asking. I never knew my families exact finances -- how much my parents earned, how much things costed, etc. But from a young age my parents taught me the concepts involved, by example and direct instruction, and most importantly by giving me experience.
My mother would always comparison shop and figure out how to get the best value from her money. My parents also had no problem telling me something was too expensive or not worth spending that much money on, and I definitely understood the concept of limited resources that needed to be divided wisely. They encouraged me to save money starting from when I was young and was getting money for birthday gifts, etc. I was definitely less than 10 when they helped me open my first savings account and I loved that "passbook" where the bank would print a new line every time I put money in my account  They pointed out the interest I was earning by saving my money. Once I started earning my own money babysitting I was able to use that money for my own discretionary purposes. They also taught me right away about separating maaser whenever I earned money -- I remember keeping track of how much maaser I owed on an index card that I kept in my dresser drawer When I wanted to go to overnight camp (we lived OOT) after 7th grade, my parents made a deal with me that they would pay for camp but I would pay for the plane tickets to get there. I got a summer job for the other half that covered the cost of the ticket. It was a great learning experience that things cost money and you have to figure out how to earn money if you want to be able to spend it. Often when I wanted something my parents would agree to split the expenses half and half.
They helped me switch my savings account to a checking account when I was in 10th grade, and taught me how to fill out a check register/balance a checkbook (this was in the days before online banking  ). I also got my first credit card at that point (really just in order to create a credit history), and my parents gave me an overview of the concept of paying in full vs. carrying a balance and what it means to pay interest. I was left with a truly visceral dread of missing a credit card payment
And of course we discussed extensively in later high school years what types of jobs I would want to consider and what type of income they would bring in considering I wanted to support a husband in Kollel. They pushed me to take as many credit earning classes (I.e. AP, etc.) as I could so that I could finish my degree as soon as possible after school.
So even though my parents didn't really discuss THEIR finances and budgeting, I feel like they gave me a very solid financial education. The only area they didn't really discuss with me was smart investing, which is funny, in retrospect, because my parents actually DID invest in the stock market relatively successfully. I had to learn about investing from my husband
They did help me switch my savings from a savings account to a CD at one point for higher interest rates, but IIRC that was after I brought up the idea after learning about CD's in my economics class in high school. (That same teacher actually did an excellent job on the concepts of finances and budgeting, too. He encouraged us to make sure to take advantage of tax breaks on savings such as IRA accounts as well.)
My family is yeshivish (parents both work in chinuch) and I went to an OOT BY, if that makes a difference.
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amother
Orchid
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 4:42 am
I voted other.
My parents always complained about money and the fact that we were in thousands of dollars worth of debt and that their friends were in even more thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt. They would say that they were miserable about being in debt but that their friends didn't care bec you can always open a new credit card.
My parents really wanted us to learn in kollel. My dad learned in kollel for many years and I always got the feeling that although he loves the concept of kollel, to a certain extent he resented that he didn't use the time instead to build himself up in business.
When we learned about budgeting in high school (from a teacher who didn't cover her hair so obviously it's kefira  ) me and all my friends came home crying to our parents saying that it's impossible to live unless both parents have an actual career. Their response was that we don't live biderech hateva and that 'it works out'.
Then you go to seminary and they tell you that if you have enough bitachon then your bills will be paid.
Now my opinion. I refused to allow my parents to support me bec I knew they couldn't afford it. I was so angry at the system bec I see that people who are really good people, smart even, they join this system and then they're overwhelmed in over their heads with no way out.
I have smart relatives and sometimes it does work but most are majorly struggling. They realize that having 'bitachon' doesn't actually pay the bills. For some people it does but some people understand what bitachon is and those who actually understand what it is, don't need to learn shaar habitachon bec for them it's intuitive. Those who actually need to learn it, don't have enough bitachon for the concept to pay their bills.
Basically I think the system is totally messed up and is run by people who have all the kavod if it continues so they don't have any reason to even try to make it beneficial for the followers of the system.
Eta I forgot to add that my parents always complained about the price of college so that the entire time I was there I felt guilty that I was costing them money.
My dad doesn't have a degree and although he is extremely advanced in his field, knowledge wise, no one will take your company seriously if the head of your finance department doesn't have a cpa. So he works his tuchus off but bec he doesn't have a degree they won't promote him to that position. And he still doesn't see the value in a degree. He was annoyed when he took college courses and he knew more than the professor. But you don't go to college to gain knowledge per se. You go to college so you can add letters to your name bec those letters are what earn you money.
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amother
Silver
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 5:23 am
No. But I believe it is mostly in the nature of a person. Obviously it can be taught but within my siblings we have bigger spenders and others who are better at saving/budgeting. Tbh though, my parents are still completely supporting all their kids with no strict budget so while they didn't teach it, they don't expect it to happen on its own. They also bought their kids houses and put any child/child in law who is interested through college.
I doubt I'm your target audience :-)
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animeme
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 7:06 am
Both my parents grew up in.homes where money was a major issue. They were determined not to have us worrying about money. Comparison shopping, we did, and we didn't waste money and were constantly being told.to.turn.off lights. We were taught to have a plan for supporting ourselves/families in the.future.
But we were never to.know.about what anything major cost or whether we were struggling. And while we would joke about jobs that brought in the big.bucks, we were never encouraged or discouraged for any job path because of earning power.
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amother
Coral
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 8:07 am
Definitely not. I grew up in a comfortable home but we lived beyond our means for most of my early childhood. My mother kept the finances and would live in fear of the credit card bill because she didn't track her spending and my dad had no concept of how in debt we were because he made a good salary and didn't realize how much of it was being spent.
In my head, it translated into, make a lot of money because you can't control how much you spend. And that the credit card bill can bring surprises.
Fast forward to my married years... BH my husband grew up differently, where living within your means was encouraged to the opposite extent (luxuries frowned upon etc.) and he also lived single for a while so he developed his own, more moderate, values toward money. He taught me that you can track what you earn and spend and have luxuries if they're within your means, but to also value saving money as a "luxury" and as a goal that I strive toward.
...investing is a whole other story. Neither of us know much about it, nor do our (upper middle class) parents. Wish someone taught a course on that one...
Anon because my sisters may all recognize this story.
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amother
Indigo
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 8:11 am
no. next question
eta- that might just be my shortest post ever lol!
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amother
Seagreen
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 8:21 am
Yes.
They kvetched about money non-stop while spending way beyond their means. And they still do.
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amother
Denim
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 8:58 am
I learned from my parents in a what-not-to-do sort of way. They were (and still are) terrible with finances. They divorced over money issues, but their bad financial habits followed them into their second marriages (the reason they're still married to their spouses is they married more, ah, sensible people who keep things in check). The thing is, it's not like my parents don't know what to do. They do. They know how to budget, and they know running up credit cards is a bad idea. They are actually somewhat savvy investors, so other than their divorce, they've never really suffered real consequences for their poor fiscal management because there was always some source of money to raid when the sword was against the throat, so to speak. I still choose not to live like that, it's way too stressful.
I don't agree that people need to wait to be established to have kids. I do think communities that push early marriage and family do have to talk about what that means beyond the idealistic terms generally bandied about. How do you plan to finish school with a baby; how will you juggle work with family (and what jobs might make that more difficult than others); can you stay home while they're young, if that's what you want, and how can you get back into the work force if that's what you want/need to do. The secular world also has a problem on this front, because everyone likes to talk about "having it all", nobody wants to talk about what that actually entails, because it requires a lot of thought and effort to make it work, and difficult choices will need to be made. I think we need to talk to our kids not only about the practicals of how finances work, but also how to plan your life. Not that life can really be planned, but in the sense that you need to think about certain challenges and questions that come up (especially in the work vs family arena) and how to deal with them.
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phoebe12
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 9:35 am
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My parents talked to me. I don't recall them going into all the specifics, but I knew approximately how much they earned. They did not spend beyond their means. When I began working as a mother's helper around age 11, I guess, my dad told me that I was going to have to pay for college, a wedding, a house, etc. one day and I needed to start saving. I did. My parents did end up helping out some, but it taught me to be financially responsible. I always paid for my own car insurance and cars. I paid for undergrad and they paid for grad. school. My son is 4 and I talk to him about money.
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amother
Royalblue
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 9:41 am
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I chose no, but another option in the poll should be "no, but I saw them spending way beyond their means." That would be my most accurate choice.
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amother
Sapphire
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 9:53 am
I voted other.
My parents spend way more than they earn and have no clue how to budget.
Their credit and finances are a disaster.
They also cry to me when they are stressed out about money and I don't how to help them.
Any suggestions I ever made were ignored because cutting back is impractical.
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Rose816
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 10:44 am
I didn't know exactly how much my parents made (until I needed to fill out FAFSA forms for school  )
I don't think we ever sat down and had a formal conversation about it.
That being said, I think a learned a lot from example from my parents. They were smart shoppers, and responsible spenders. And if the family felt like we really needed something, we'd get it and figure out how it fits into our budget.
I kind of wish I knew more about budgeting and finances. As careful and hardworking as my parents were, jobs sometimes fell through and money was tight--so I personally can get nervous about when money gets tight.
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nyer1
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 11:03 am
I love this thread and I'm anxious to see the responses.
my father spoke to me much more often about it than my mother, and even him, not so much, and not before high school. interestingly, he was the saver and my mother was the spender.
both of my parents had good, stable financially lucrative jobs. it was clear that we were upper middle class according to their incomes, but we had major yerusha that my mother still hasn't really touched, and money that was held up in real estate until recently. I wouldnt say that they spent money lavishly, but we had nice things. I was accustomed to going to nice performances (broadway, opera, symphony) and fine dining, and beautiful vacations, but my parents still placed a major emphasis on paying for higher education, and never spent money on flashy cars or fancy clothes. my mother once in a while bought nice jewelry for herself and for us. we went to public school as we were not frum at the time, but went to expensive sleepaway camps.
when I was in high school I was given an allowance and I learned the meaning of how to budget it. I was also given an allowance when I went off to various college summer programs and abroad -- I was given money in my account at the beginning of the trip and needed to make it stretch until the end of the summer... if I spent it all in one week, then, well, sorry. the buck ended there. literally.
as a married adult, my parents speak to me about finances more often as it becomes more relevent in my life... I have money in a trust fund that my mother still oversees, so if I want to deduct money or invest it elsewhere, I have to go through her first. in planning certain financial decisions, my parents help us plan because my father has an accounting background. looking back now, knowing a bit more of what I have in the bank, I have gained further insight into how they saved and budgeted and invested their money. I can see now that the yerusha wasn't touched aside from paying for college / grad school / first car for my sister and I --my parents simply lived off their income. that's how the money was passed down in the first place -- my grandparents did the same.. apparently my grandparents were very wealthy (and GENEROUS) people... but lead a very very simple life, and taught that same value of a dollar to my mother... she too has taught the same to us, which is why I probably will never know what SHE has saved until she passes it on to me, after 120
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tigerwife
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 11:31 am
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I don't think we ever had an official chat about finances, but I was encouraged to earn my own money and spend it if necessary. We grew up very comfortably although I was aware that there were waves at times. Neither parents have a degree, but my father was able to create several successful businesses so college was never considered necessary (so far, I'm the only one in my family with a degree). The only time he really mentioned anything about my future was when he discouraged me from pursuing a teaching career since he did not think I could make it as a kollel wife like that. I worked full time while being in college full time and graduated right before my wedding with a very decent savings account. In fact, it's my non-degree job that brings in more money than my degree does at this point.
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baby12x
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 2:30 pm
yes- not specifically about their finances, I never knew how much they made or how much big items cost, but there was casual discussion about budgeting, smart shopping etc.
When we would be at the store my mother would point out which items are on sale, she would also ask me to look at the unit price and we would decide which one was cheaper/better value.
As I grew older, my mother would tell me: we have $200 to spend at the store today (example), lets stay within that budget.
I think its great to talk about budgeting and shipping etc
We also took a great high school course about personal finance which taught me about mortgages, investing etc and know that we are grown my parents talk about these things as well.
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Heyaaa
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 3:01 pm
so far it seems that most people who answered the poll, answered that their parents did not discuss it with them.
That being said, I think the question is about the posters from the 'father helping with a down payment' thread, how many of them are entitled or not.
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Dec 29 2015, 3:07 pm
Never. I had to learn by making some very expensive mistakes along the way. Even now I'm nervous about money, and am more than happy to let DH handle all the bills. I don't feel like I can trust myself to do it right, even though I know how to do it and could if I had to.
I just found out recently that my parents never lived within their means, and that my mom's parents partially supported my parents for at least 50 years. It was a huge secret, and I didn't find out until my grandma passed, that there was practically no inheritance because they had been giving it out instead of saving up. Not that I care about inheriting anything, because I benefited from it the whole time I was growing up.
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SRS
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Thu, Dec 31 2015, 5:31 am
Seems this comment is showing up all over the place. So again, getting on a career path does NOT equal being "established."
As for my parents, they emphasized education and building marketable, practical skills and didn't want us to get too caught up in working while we were in school, so I'm always amazed by girls who have earned many thousands before graduating high school and have the ability to spend money more freely. I see some people feel that having less made them desire more and didn't lead to great results. For me, I think having less imprinted a certain strength for me to do without. But as we have graduated to being able to spend a bit more freely, I find I'm a bit more free with myself and the kids because they are surrounded by a lot more "affluenza" than I ever experienced. So I refuse to "keep up with the Cohens" but am more generous than my parents all while figuring out how we can get things that will enhance our lives at 2 for the price of 1. So if we find something valuable to own, like sports equipment, we will buy used and trade with friends so that they can have a basketball, a football, a tennis racket, a baseball glove, a pair of rollerblades, and a bike, all for the price that their friend spent on one or two items.
While I don't live a mirror life to my parents, I emphasize the same basics with my children: living below your means, save, save, save, don't not obligating yourself by taking on debt or buying into the newest thing before determining that it really will be of value, exert effort when shopping so there is more to go around or save, and also spend on things that you value.
I have no idea to this day what my parents make or how much they have put away. None of those numbers have meaning to children anyways. And young adults can research car A vs. car B or a 1 bedroom vs. a 2 bedroom. What does have meaning to children is that I can buy 2 cans of food for $3, but if I'm careful we can get 4 cans for the same $3. And sometimes the lesson is that we have the funds and if we really want a particular treat, we can just buy it. But usually the lesson is that we stock up when treats they generally like hit rock bottom prices. Also, price points are helpful. I knew growing up that we bought fruit when it was 35 cents or below and even desperation wasn't a reason to pay over, say, 50 cents. Obviously price points change. My rule of thumb for fruit is $1 a pound. So sometimes it is apples. Sometimes clementines. Sometimes grapes. And the kids know that if cherries are on sale for $1.99 we can gorge on cherries.
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saw50st8
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Thu, Dec 31 2015, 7:20 am
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SRS, what did you do during the summers?
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