I slapped my best friends son

amother

Seashell

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 8:21 am

I wish each responder would list their approximate age.
I am from an older generation and while I don't condone hitting someone else's child, I will not condemn a grown woman who is being spit on by a kid whose mother is watching and doing nothing to stop it, from hitting said child.
We are so busy appeasing all these little brats and their equally bratty mothers, that proper chinuch is down the drain.
OP is worried about her best friend being angry? if she cannot stop her kid from spitting at an adult friend, she would very quickly be my ex-friend.

imaima

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 8:48 am

I dont think that what had happened is ok but I think what was OP supposed to do? And if she said she would hit him, and he didn't stop, and she hit him, then it doesn't look like it was out of anger. She warned him of a consequence and then followed through when he didn't stop. Yes it was a physical consequence but a consequence!

And even if it is wrong, I am not obligated to be pedagogically correct towards other kids. And not all people in their life will always be acting pedagogically correct to them. They need to learn that spitting backfires! There is no other way for other kids then learning from situations where an adult doesnt owe anything to them.

gp2.0

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:03 am

This is insane. Who are these people - the mother who allows her kid to spit on someone else and the mother who slaps someone else's kid. I get that you can be frustrated enough to blurt out that you'll slap him, but actually doing it???????? I don't know people like this in real life. Gosh OP, why couldn't you just walk away? What was stopping you?

cnc

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:05 am

amother wrote:

Yes- to "prove your theory" I am from the younger generation. My oldest is in elementary school.
Proper chinuch is not the point of this post. If the mother of the spitting child would have posted here, I would have posted that she should have disciplined him and removed him from the situation. She is not in the right here.

However when a child acts like a brat, that is not an excuse for an adult to act like a child.
My answer to the OP remains the same. Absolutely no one has a right to touch my kid. A) It's something I'very been trying to drill into them since they're kids-for matters of personal safety. B) Other people are not qualified to make the decision whether or not my child gets a smack.

As simple as that.

cnc

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:10 am

gp2.0 wrote:

The spitting mother may be me. My child has issues as I mentioned previously. Child gets out of control BUT I don't just sit there and continue get-togethers with friends when child does that. I usually end up leaving and I've started trying not to get myself into situations where child acts out. I know that certain things can trigger it.

I used to think that some parents don't know how to properly parent and never understand why they don't just make their kids behave....that is until I was blessed with this specific kid. I realized that even though the child presents totally regular, not necessarily is everything regular.

gold21

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 10:36 am

I dont agree with what OP did. If the child was spitting at her, she should have said to the childs mom- "Can u please do something about this!" or she should have asked them to leave. She should not have taken matters into her own hands.

Whats done is done. OP should apologize to her friend, but she can also mention to her in the course of the conversation that it was unfair on the part of the friend that she did not deal with her child and discipline him, since her lack of action left OP in a tough spot.

Let me reiterate again, I do not agree with an adult physically disciplining someone elses child. While I also do not agree with children being allowed to get away with things like spitting at adults, two wrongs dont make a right. Hitting someone elses child is wrong.

Last edited by gold21 on Thu, Feb 18 2016, 10:46 am; edited 1 time in total

gp2.0

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 10:45 am

cnc wrote:

Supposing the child has special issues, that still doesn't explain the mom's behavior. (Unless, of course, the mom has special issues too.) In such a case the mom could intervene as soon as the child starts spitting and either leave or otherwise occupy him and at the very least apologize and explain to the person being spat on before the situation gets this out of hand.

If as you say you don't just sit there and continue the get together (as this mom did) then no you aren't this mother.

Even supposing the mom can't or doesnt want to leave she still has other options - give the kid a toy or game to occupy him, switch seats with the person being sat on, and like I said at the very least explain and apologize. Not just ignore the whole situation.

observer

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 10:46 am

I think what you did was very wrong. As we tell our young children, "you need to use your words, not your hands". You should have asked your friend to intervene, or just walk away. You have no right to discipline someone else's child, certainly not to physically hit him. And the fact that you warned him before does not make it any better.

cnc

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 10:58 am

gp2.0 wrote:

I was going to come back and add to my post that I may have come across too strongly.
In no way am I excusing the mother. She is wrong and I wouldn't want to hang around such people. She should have taken responsibility for her child's behavior or done something.

dancingqueen

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 11:23 am

CPenzias wrote:

Would you sit there and allow your child to spit at your friend? That would end a friendship for me unless the child was special needs or the mother was attempting to stop her child from behaving that way.

No I would not sit there, I would ask the kid to stop, move away, and signal to the mother that there is an issue. No matter what I don't see the need to hit someone else's kid.

CPenzias

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 11:26 am

dancingqueen wrote:

No I would not sit there, I would ask the kid to stop, move away, and signal to the mother that there is an issue. No matter what I don't see the need to hit someone else's kid.

I agree. I wouldn't hit someone's kid. I might scream at them (raise my voice) and ask them to go away.

markmywords

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 12:16 pm

What concerns me is the OP using the phrase "he asked (or was asking) for it".
As much as you express regret, this phrase speaks of justification.
You need to reconcile that with yourself.
The fact that you feel regret means that you yourself don't approve of your means of disciplining him.
If you could do it again, what would you choose to do?
When you find the right answer, you'll start to feel differently about the situation.
I think every poster that spoke of the mother of the offending child having to take responsibility for misbehavior is spot on.
However, I wonder if you gave her that responsibility.
Hosting doesn't mean it's your job to deal with the nonsense.
I think you can tell the other mom that you were uncomfortable with the situation and how each of you handled it. Listen to what she suggests.

markmywords

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 12:21 pm

I want to add that children don't look to be slapped. They look for boundaries.
The misbehavior going unchecked signals possible weak boundaries at home.
This child may have been looking towards you as a "teacher" or role model for enforcing appropriate boundaries in a healthy way.

shevi82

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 12:43 pm

pickle321 wrote:

Leading a child away is so different than slapping him and the situation you described seems a lot worse than the one op was in. Slapping him was like stooping to his level and fighting back. I teach my kids not to slap just like I teach them not to spit, what is slapping them back teaching them?

I totally agree that slapping is not the right way to go at all. I was explaining how it may happen to someone. And as mentioned above, these kids probably have no boundaries at home.
Personally I am see children like this as children who have a form of an abusive childhood, and feel very sorry and sad for them
.