I slapped my best friends son

imaima

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:01 pm

cnc wrote:

Yes- to "prove your theory" I am from the younger generation. My oldest is in elementary school.
Proper chinuch is not the point of this post. If the mother of the spitting child would have posted here, I would have posted that she should have disciplined him and removed him from the situation. She is not in the right here.

However when a child acts like a brat, that is not an excuse for an adult to act like a child.
My answer to the OP remains the same. Absolutely no one has a right to touch my kid. A) It's something I'very been trying to drill into them since they're kids-for matters of personal safety. B) Other people are not qualified to make the decision whether or not my child gets a smack.

As simple as that.

Other people are qualified to make decisions aboutwhat happens to them and how they react to offense.
As simple as that.

imasinger

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:05 pm

amother wrote:

I'm just wondering, let's say that you were watching the child, and his mother was not there, what would you do in the same situation? The child spat at you, so what would you do?

Teachers deal with this kind of stuff all the time. And they're usually not allowed to hit. common strategies include:

First, remind child of rules (assuming older than, say, 3). "Spitting spreads germs, and it is not nice. We are not allowed to spit."

Second, offer alternative activity choice. "We are getting ready to play ball together, want to come? But if you spit, I will have to stop playing with you."

Third, and this is all-important, make a big deal of the child doing the right thing. Nine times out of ten, children misbehave because they are seeking attention. If they get it for doing good stuff, and they get ignored for doing bad stuff, they'll do good stuff.

Fourth, if there is a repeated infraction, impose a time-out. "You need to go sit over there for a while. You are spreading germs, and that is not okay." (As soon as the time out is over, praise them for doing a good job in the time out, and offer them something fun to do, with no further consequence or discussion about spitting.)

Fifth, if child still is not cooperative, call the parent and tell them that you cannot watch this child any more, and please come get him. At that point, you give the child something distracting to do, and pay no further attention to the behavior.

imaima

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:08 pm

imasinger wrote:

Spitting spreads germs? Is that the reason why it is bad? Confused

amother

Ruby

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 1:58 pm

I'm the OP. My friend and I already addressed the issue. She obviously was not happy that I slapped her son, but understood that I'm a, "woman of my word" and was stressed regarding the subject matter at the time. That does not excuse my behavior, but allows someone to understand what happened. My friend has never hit her children, BTW. I immediately knew that it was wrong, and I appreciate those who gave advice for the future because I really have no intention of hitting children. Thanks

sweetpotato

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 2:25 pm

OP, it's impossible to answer "WWYD" without having more context. Was this child 2, or 12? Did the child purposefully spit in your face repeatedly, or was the child being silly/rambunctious? Does the child have behavioral/developmental issues? Was the mother truly standing by doing nothing, or did she have an infant in her arms and couldn't intervene? Did you try moving the child away or just walking away yourself? Etc.

Even as egregious as the child's behavior may have been, short of them putting you in direct danger, it's unlikely slapping the child was warranted. You could have turned the child around, or walked away yourself.

imaima

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 3:39 pm

imasinger wrote:

What reason would you give?

Because it is disgusting and degrading!

That's why kids do it in the first place! They are aware of it! Spitting (continuously on purpose) is not something that kids accidentally do, that *by the way* also spreads germs.

amother

Plum

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 6:21 pm

amother wrote:

Of course your friend has never hit her children. She probably thinks her kids can't do any wrong, which is why she made no attempt to intervene. It sounds like you can expect more obnoxious behavior from her children in the future. You need to find new friends.

Ema of 5

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 6:37 pm

amother wrote:

There are a lot of assumptions going on there. Care to make those assumptions about someone else under your own name?

2cents

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 6:59 pm

If op slapped the kids, like an open hand slap that hurt and left a mark on the kids face, I would question her impulse control and good judgement. Hitting people (kids are people too!) in response to annoyances is not ok. This is not a discipline problem, it's op's personality issue.

On the other hand, I have a kid who loves to annoy other kids and push all their buttons and then comes running to 'tell on them' when they snap. I've recently taken to answering him, "he shouldn't have hit you, but that's what happens when you keep bothering someone...sometimes you're going to get hurt if you act like that".

imasinger

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 7:18 pm

imaima wrote:

I think why kids spit really depends on the age of the child.

Since the question was asked in the context of "what if you were the caretaker/teacher of the child, and the mother weren't here," I responded as a teacher.

I would never, ever use the words "disgusting and degrading" to label a child or their actions. That, IMO, would be verbally abusive. A young child wouldn't understand the terms. And even if you just said, "it's yucky", it's not as effective as telling them that it is not healthy.

An older child who was trying to be provocative would have gotten his/her wish by the more emotional terminology, and therefore, would be more likely to repeat the behavior. IMO, better to find a more neutral term.

That being said, I agree with you that spitting is disgusting. And degrading.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Feb 18 2016, 9:29 pm

There is no excuse for OP's behavior in my opinion. Hitting a child is horrible, I hope that OP learned her lesson and never does that again. You should have said something to the mom, especially since she was right there! You could have walked away, the child behaved poorly, yes, so you speak to the mom to discipline the child, or say you are not staying because you obviously don't want to be spat on! I will be surprised if the mom continues to be your friend.
Just terrible, no words.