Not one thank you | Imamother

HonesttoGod

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 10:28 am

On the last day of school I was at work and thought about what I can make/write to send to my sons Morah to say thank you.
At 4pm I had it all organized at which point I realized that day WAS the last day of school! Missed it.
I am planning on dropping something off at her house today. I asked the school for her address so I can deliver it.

Same for my babysitter. I didn't have time to prepare something for the day they left so I prepared to deliver today.

TBH op, I am not sure when you finished school but I would probably think they have arranged something to be delivered. Or if not perhaps they did arrange something and it fell through?

amother

Mustard

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 11:23 am

I'm a teacher too. I've gotten throughout the year. Actually, beautiful ones on chanukah and Purim. But now, a thank you in words is enough. I don't expect more anyway, why?
The point of OP is to show some kind of thank you, even without monetary value. It's the personality of the people you/she is dealing with. How many families have I taught their children who don't have a penny to their name? I knew from the start they won't be able to tip me. But saying the words is a different story. It doesn't cost money, it shows the will and heart. If it's an entire class that doesn't show appreciation, dunno. Something doesn't make sense.

mummiedearest

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:02 pm

op, at what point is a parent excused from sending thank you notes? when the kid is in fifth grade? seventh? high school? college?

not all the parents need or even want constant pictures. if you did something particularly helpful to them as parents, sure, they should send a thank you, verbally or otherwise. and of course it's nice to say thank you even if there was no special treatment. I don't think it is appropriate to expect anything, though, even if it would be nice of the parents. I've seen a few women rant on Facebook, saying they're teachers and should be thanked/gifted at the end of the year. it's not proper to proclaim that in public. I don't get thanks for doing my job as a parent, and I don't expect it. the only teachers who ever thanked me for being involved were the really good preschool teachers. I don't expect that, nor should I, even if I put my heart and soul into my kids. I don't get thanks for paying full tuition either.

our society goes above and beyond in its thanks towards teachers. I'm sorry you didn't get thanked this year, but please understand that there is no obligation on the parents' part to send anything, even a card. your students' improvement this year is already acknowledgment of your hard work. try to focus on that.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:14 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I honestly cannot understand this. It's called being polite! Having manners! Obviously I'm the one teaching that to your kid. Excused from saying thank you?? HUH? Does it hurt you to say thanks? Where are your manners?

I don't understand all the women coming on here saying 'why do you deserve thanks?' Seriously, it reflects so poorly on you that you don't want to say thank you.

Our society does not go above and beyond for it's teachers. I have no idea where you came up with that.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:23 pm

amother wrote:

You complain about entitled parents. What about entitled teachers? Expecting something at Channukah, Purim and end of the year? By the posts "well I didn't get anything earlier so I assumed I will get now. But I didn't!" Or expecting tips, gifts etc besides a thank you. Do you write something to you doctor? The dentist after they squeeze you in because of an emergency? Etc verbal thank yous are good enough for everyone else but not teachers...

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:26 pm

amother wrote:

I said on here many times I did not expect a gift or money. Not by chanukah, purim, or the end of the year. I did not get one verbal thank you. No that is not normal.

Entitled teachers?

I really am the one teaching your child manners.

Simple1

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:33 pm

They should for sure say thank you after a real conversation. I always say thank you at PTA.

But gifts and notes are a different story. Of course it's nice when parents give. But I think it's wrong to resent those who don't. I don't work in a field that gets tipped. But once in a really long while someone will tip. And ONCE someone sent a cake for Tom tov. That was nice, but certainly not expected. Personally, I give Chanukah and Purim and that should be enough. I think teachers who are grumpy about this may be better off with a different job.

My dh teaches and he feels his relationship is with the students, not the parents, so he's not offended by any lack of thanks. The students themselves naturally don't even always want to be there.

Also, what about the teacher who works hard but still does wrong with a student like picks on her or is too harsh? Or what about a high school teacher who puts her heart and soul into a troubled atudent, and the mother never knows?

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 12:34 pm

I'm so glad to read this post. I used to be able to give more to the teachers but things have been really tight lately. This year I bought a little dish and put in nice butter toffees from the local Candy store, along with a thank you note. Total cost was about $6 each. I was feeling a bit lame, but hope that the teachers feel that I really, really do appreciate all that they do on behalf of DD. (I did give them a nice amount on Purim, and for Chanukah there was a class gift).

Simple1

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 1:10 pm

Raisin wrote:

$100 is a lot. I don't expect thankyous for the thank you gifts I give. (I never spend more then about $20-30) I am thanking the teacher for his or her hard work over the year. If I happen to see the teacher they will probably thank me but I honestly don't expect it. What are you waiting for? hand written notes??? I'd rather my kids teacher spent time on preparing classes then sending thank you notes for the thank yous from the parents.

Most teachers type out notes and make copies to hand out to the students. Very easy, and it can be simple and quick or they can write a cute poem of they're feeling creative.

It's polite to acknowledge a thank you with a you're welcome. It's also polite to acknowledge a gift.

Another benefit is that the parent knows you got the gift and it didn't get lost on the way. I didn't get some thank yous and am still nervous about whether or not they got it.

tigerwife

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 1:51 pm

Growing up, it was not a 'thing' to send end of year gifts to teachers. Where I live now, it seems to be pretty standard. Looks like most of the disagreement is cultural, even depending on neighborhoods. I just have one child that I sent to a babysitter for several months this year, but I think I'll send chocolates and a card for Shabbos (*thanks to this thread!). It never hurts to say thank you.

notshanarishona

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 1:55 pm

Personally, I would feel more funny about giving a card without a gift than just doing nothing and I think many people feel similarly.
As far as thank you's, that it definitely appropriate , but I don't think it specifically has to be done at the end of the year. If people say thank you when they see you or when you talk to them then you know that they appreciate your work.
Also, many times dismissal, especially the last day of the year, is very hectic and not practical for parent's to find the teachers and talk to them.

I am talking as both a teacher and a parent from my experience.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 1:59 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, you really don't know me. We write out personalized thank yous for gifts received at birthdays etc. specific to the giver, gift etc not just some "thanks for the gift" fill in the blank. And snail mail them. I know kallahs who didn't do that.
Manners? Ahem... Wrong person to say is lacking manners. You so don't know me or my family.

I am just saying you did your job. What you get paid to do.
I verbally thank teachers and other staff members. Including janitors and others people forget. IF the teacher went above the call of duty I will do extra. But I always say thanks. Randomly throughout the year too, not just at the standardized times.
Not getting a verbal thank you is a bit weird. But to expect or complain about not getting anything more is ridiculous.

amother

Blue

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 2:15 pm

I also did not get one thank you this year. And last year out of 20, maybe 5.
I don't want a gift. I just want you to say thank you. Have your child draw a picture. Write a card.

It's so upsetting. Being a parent for the first time this year, I had my toddler draw pictures, I wrote a nice card and gave a small gift card.

Teachers work hard. They are not just babysitters.

amother

Khaki

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 2:25 pm

Perhaps you were an incredible teacher, but those are far and few between. I have 4 kids in school. We had a very difficult year. The only child who had exceptional teachers was in 10th grade- she can manage her own teacher relationships at that point. I know that when I was that age I wrote cards to my teachers and turned them in with my finals. Otherwise, I gave Chanukah, gave Purim as much as we could handle, and now I am thrilled to be finished with those grades and teachers! When every PTA and meeting ends with me feeling like my kids would be better off in public school- no, not going to sit and write 15 notes.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 2:32 pm

amother wrote:

This has nothing to do with the op.

You are not happy with your kids teachers? Maybe send to a different school. Are you insinuating because your kids teachers are no good, that op is not a good teacher?

I honestly don't get what your post has to do with anything.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 2:36 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sorry for your experience. I have 3 girls and my oldest DD just graduated. With very few exceptions, she has had exceptional, kind, caring teachers over the years. I wish I could show them more appreciation for all that they do and have done on behalf of my daughters.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 3:09 pm

amother wrote:

Why the need for the gift card? Why the need for checks and gifts?
I resent being told I am not grateful if I don't do that. That it is expected to give $50-100 a few times a year. Or every yom tov. Or RC. Ahh! I pay tuition and can't afford that. And there are so many teachers. Each kid has a minimum of 2.
I thank verbally unless someone one did something extraordinary for my kid.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Jun 24 2016, 3:38 pm

amother wrote:

I think you keep on missing the point. If a parent feels to give a gift card, good for them. If you can't afford to. Don't. It doesn't mean a parent can't say, write, or email a thank you. Like you said you've verbally stated it. Many parents don't.

I stated throughout this thread numerous times that I wasn't expecting a gift. This is a vent that parents don't appreciate what you do for their child. The same way if someone has a medical issue and they would end up going to their doctor every day for months, even though the doctor is doing his job and getting paid, they'd be appreciative.