S/o of rude lady with dd's tantrums

yo'ma

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 8:00 am

I know another spinoff LOL

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I'm not sure if I used the right word for the poll question, reprove, but I mean rebuke in either a nice or not nice manner. I know there are more factors, like if it's a stranger or not or if you're tired or overwhelmed or a number of reasons, but try to answer in general as you can.

This morning as I was bringing my children to school, we, my children and I stepped onto the curb to cross the street and a lady who was also waiting to cross the street told me to be careful because cars were coming. I smiled and pointed out to her that the light was red. She smiled back and some other things I didn't understand Rolling Eyes

. I know if I was in a bad mood, I would have done the same thing, but not with a smile on my face and she might have been rude back. Maybe not, but either way I knew that she was only looking out for us which if you think about it, is really sweet!!

When people are rude about things like that, I have to work on myself to remember they're probably only doing it because they care about us and don't know how to express it properly. Do you agree or disagree with this assesment?

imasinger

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 8:13 am

Not sure I agree. I didn't know how to answer your poll.

My usual feeling is that since I have absolutely no idea of why they felt a need to comment, I will smile and speak politely but not waste mental energy trying to assess their motives.

Just move on with my day.

I feel like if I had to convince myself that everyone -- or even some percentage of busybodies -- has my best interests at heart, I'd a) be a pretzel, and b) be exhausted.

For me, I need to just let the whole thing go.

yo'ma

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 8:16 am

imasinger wrote:

That's for sure. You always have to let it go. It's not important. I agree with that wholeheartedly. But we say we have to work on ourselves, not others, so the same in these types of situations is how we see the other person, not their actual motive behind it.

ora_43

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 9:28 am

It really, really depends. Are they saying it nicely, or not nicely? Do I know them, or not? Based on what are they making a comment - some objective thing like whether my child is wearing a hat? their subjective view of my child's behavior based on 30 seconds of observation? or their subjective view of my child's behavior based on knowing me and my child over the course of several months?

Basically - if it's a stranger, and they are older, and they are polite, and they are expressing concern for my child's safety or physical well being - then I tend to assume they mean well, like you said.

If it's someone I know, I also tend to assume they mean well. Although then it's harder for me to hear it, because they're more likely to have a good point.

Otherwise - I see it as an unfortunate near-complete lack of social skills, and try to ignore it. Like imasinger said, I don't really care if the person meant well.

anonymrs

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 9:32 am

It's not the type of thing that I would let upset me after it happens, but I really don't appreciate when people comment on my parenting. Last week, I was shopping with my 1.5 yr old who was sitting int the wagon. A lady walked by and said "I hope she's strapped in there, is she?" I did not answer as it's really none of her business one way or another. (She was strapped, for the record.)

Chayalle

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:54 am

anonymrs wrote:

I'm not into commenting on other people's parenting all the time, but if there's a clear danger, I do think we can't just live and let live.

When my DD was 5, she fell out of the back of a shopping cart and fractured her skull. She had a concussion and spent a few days in the hospital. B"H the bleeding resolved itself and she fully recovered.

In the hospital, they told me they see TONS of such cases annually - children who fall out of shopping carts apparently are in the high range for head injuries. Especially if they are not strapped into the seat.

And I see this all the time - even with young toddlers, I see them standing in the back of shopping carts, and it's like an accident waiting to happen. I think of what could have been, those scary moments when DD was unconscious, and I think, should I go over and tell them? Or should I mind my own business?

HonesttoGod

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:16 am

Unless a parent is busy with one child (or distracted), and you see the other running into oncoming traffic or in danger (like crawling under the car or running away fast) in which case you can say "excuse me but is that your child?" or "your child is running into the road"; otherwise keep quiet.

Assume the mother is responsible and reliable to watch her own kids. And I always say mistakes happen, we learn from them. So my kid learnt the hard way that if you don't listen to me and climb onto the shopping cart, you will fall and get hurt. I know what I am doing it is MY kid. I don't need some random lady, who doesn't know me or my business, telling me "you shouldn't let your kid do that".
Oh really?! I thought that was fine for him to do Rolling Eyes

flowerpower

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:21 am

Some people think everything is their business. My neighbor proudly said she tells young mothers if their babies are too wrapped up or too little wrapped up on the street. Unless there is extreme danger, keep your eyes elsewhere and your mouth shut. Mothers may not always know what they are doing, but they learn on the job. If it's a middle aged woman who says something nicely and really means well, I wouldn't get offended. If it's someone that says something in a nasty way because she is simply bitter, I would brush it off. She probably does it all the time. If I see a baby with her hat in her eyes, I will tell the mom. I would want someone to let me know.

debsey

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:23 am

I agree. It depends on how it is said, and what it's about. When you have a child with an "invisible" disability, like my son who is mildly autistic, and very sensory, it can be irksome to hear the 400th comment of "doesn't he have another t-shirt?" (He has a closet full of t-shirts. He also has 8 of the identical shirt, since it's the only one in favor at the moment, and I don't always have time to do laundry. This way, he always has that preferred shirt)

To that person, it's the first time they are saying something. To me, it's the zillionth time I've heard it.

If my kid is in danger or seems to be in distress, and you comment nicely, I'll respond politely. If you're commenting on my fashion choices, I'll still try to be polite, but it's harder to justify your interference.

If something seems completely unsafe, I'll be that lady commenting. I've seen kids climb the shelves in grocery stores like they are monkey bars, pry gum off a grocery store floor and pop it in their mouths, I saw what looked like a four year old "crossing" a two year old........I will absolutely say something (politely) to the mother. I'll probably start by saying "we've all been there, you should see my kids! But your daughter is crossing this busy parking lot and no one can see her."

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:52 am

I'll never forget the first time I went out in public after I'd adopted DD. She had a bottle with her, and I got yelled at for not breast feeding her! shock

1. She's ADOPTED. 2. I actually was nursing, about 80% of the time. 3. Don't you think that's an awfully personal thing to say to a woman with a one week old baby?

A few weeks later, I was at a shopping mall, and took a break to nurse DD (totally covered, of course), and got yelled at for that, too. Rolling Eyes

I should have introduced her to the woman who yelled at me for using a bottle.

Busybodies are never happy. Mad

pointyshoes

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 12:17 pm

I once met someone who always says "most mothers dont know what they're doing! They dont know so I tell them!" In such a self satisfied, smug way.
She then proceeded to nag me to feed my 8 week old baby who had just nursed. I was annoyed to say the least. It was my first baby but who cares? I'm the mother and I know what I'm doing!
She was foreign with a heavy accent (which made it all the more irritating) and I put it down to a different culture.
It was a long time ago but I recall just saying "thank you for your help but we're doing just fine" in a broken record kind of way.
As Honest to God said, unless there's a danger then mind your own business. Its uncalled for.

morahme

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 2:14 am

amother wrote:

I am very sensitive to rebuke, probably because of unresolved childhood stuff. From strangers I care less, but from my parents or husband I am extremely sensitive. I don't really care how it is said, I am a healthy adult juggling a lot of things and doing the best I can, so shut up and leave me alone.

Was it me writing this answer????? I'm the exact same as you! It's noones business what I choose to do or not to do!
For all those well meaning ppl that want to give me advice, I can tell you, you could do one thing. Offer a silent prayer to hashes that I'll learn from my mistake. When you're done with that just move in with your own life!!!!

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:26 am

I just found this on a mommy blog, and it cracked me up!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica Hill gave her daughter a good scare — and, in turn, a new appreciation.

"I was grocery shopping with my three year old when she decided to start screaming for ice cream. There was no reasoning with her in this hulk-type rage. I swear she had super human strength as I struggled to get her out of the cart full of groceries.

I was completely unaware of the two police officers who were witnessing this wrestling match. She was still hitting, kicking, and screaming when I was stopped by the police officers in the parking lot. They thought I had abducted her. This happened long before we had smart phones full of our children's photos. They tried questioning her but she was still too busy throwing a fit, so I handed her over. I told them she could ride with them because I really needed a break and they could follow me home to see her birth certificate, baby book, etc. They started chuckling as one officer said, 'Spoken like a true mom!' I think they were more relieved than I was when she finally cried out, 'Mommy?'

The officer handed her back to me while the other went back inside the store to ensure there wasn't a distraught mother looking for her missing toddler. That evening my daughter told her dad she almost went to jail because she threw a fit, and I let her believe it. She didn't throw a fit in public again.

I didn't mean to scare her, so after this experience, I wanted to ensure my daughter had a healthy respect and appreciation for first responders. Today, I'm happy to say she is highly aware and appreciative of the police, firemen, paramedics, and military personnel who serve to protect her. "

anonymrs

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 9:38 am

Chayalle wrote:

My daughter wasn't standing. She was sitting nicely in the front of the wagon. There was no reason to comment.

Chayalle

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 10:12 am

anonymrs wrote:

My daughter wasn't standing. She was sitting nicely in the front of the wagon. There was no reason to comment.

Agree, there are some people who just seem to enjoy commenting on other people's kids, habits, etc..for no reason at all.

Just posted because so many people are as unaware of the dangers of the back of shopping carts as I was. And BTW, my daughter was SITTING.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 10:33 am

Chayalle wrote:

I am absolutely not criticizing you. I'm genuinely wondering how someone can fall and hit their head, from a sitting position. I'm trying to picture it, but I'm not coming up with anything. If a child is sitting properly, and can still fall, that is really scary!

I have seen kids who are way too old, and should know better, climbing on, around, under carts, basically using them like a jungle gym, and the parent says nothing, even when the cart is about to topple over! (Not implying that this happened to you personally.)

MamaBear

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 10:39 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

This is thy best story ever - thanks for the laugh