Skirt length | Imamother

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 2:26 am

My daughter got a new teacher in the middle of last school year and she is continuing on with the class this year. She seems nice and capable as a teacher, but she is much more to the right in religiosity. And apparently she has influenced the menahelet this year, to crack down on skirt length.

So, my daughter was told her skirt is not long enough. My daughter is 8yo. She wears tights underneath her skirt, unlike the other girls who wear shortish skirts.

My daughter's outfits comply with the halacha of our community.

I am so very offended that anyone would tell an 8yo that her skirt is not long enough.

And why I'm so upset can be summarized by the question my daughter posed to my husband this morning:

"Why does my skirt need to be longer?"

How do you answer that one, besides the pat answer of, "it's a school rule"? "Well, because the boys or male teachers might look up your skirt." "Because you are a s-xy girl and we dont want the male species to see any hint that you have thighs."

salt

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 3:37 am

If your school is serving your community, and your daughter's skirts are in line with what is done in your community then I imagine it's not just her skirts that are now newly defined as too short.
If you're sending your DD to a school out of your community, that's a different question.

I would have no problem explaining to an 8-yr old, that the school's rules are a little longer than we're used to, so you'll need longer skirts for school, but when you're at home, or on weekends, you can wear the skirts you're used to, since they are also perfectly tzanua.

My 8-yr old would accept that.

imasinger

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 6:22 am

"School rule" works fine for an 8 year old.

Don't project your own agenda by telling her anything about men. She's not old enough.

If you are so inclined, you can explain that the reason for dressing tzanua altogether in whatever terms make sense to you, and then add that some people feel that wearing longer skirts is even better; you don't feel it's necessary, but it is important to respect the school's rule.

amother

Copper

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 8:16 am

When I was growing up, the rule in my school, from first grade, was skirts only and below the knees, even when you're sitting. Mind you, at home or on weekends I would wear shorts. The school was the only community MO Jewish day school, and is served families who were very modern all the way through black hat / yeshivish light.

My mother told me that this is the rule at school - she said different people do different thigns when it comes to clothes and tznius, like that I have friends who have rules at home that they aren't allowed to wear pants or shorts, but in our house that's okay. And some kids have to wear socks or tights all the time and in our house we don't. She said everyone has different rules, and the school also has rules. But because there are people in the school and community who only wear skirts, even when they are little, the school takes the stricter rules as its dress code and we have to follow the school dress code because those are the rules for school. She said that in life, many Jewish girls start off wearing pants / shorts when they're little but then grow up and only wear skirts, but some continue to wear pants, and that when I grow up I can choose what to do, regardless of school. In the meantime, the school had rules for skirts just like they had rules for other things (e.g. no eating or drinking in class, no running in the hallways, etc.), which might seem silly to me, but in life we have to follow rules.

So I usually didn't mind wearing skirts below the knee, because outside of school, I could do what I wanted, and I knew that one day when I wasn't in school, I could choose for myself. And I did choose for myself (For the record, I only wear skirts now. But it's not because of my elementary school - I only decided to wear only skirts later).

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 9:08 am

My 8 year old just got new uniform jumpers (cost me $93 for 3). Her last year ones covered her knees and would've been fine with me and DH, but the school rule is that they have to cover a bit more generously. So I spent money from my tight budget and we went up a size.

Teaching my daughter to comply with school rules is part of the Chinuch we give her. It's called accepting authority. I'm fine with DD knowing that even though we are not as makpid (DH feels that just-covered knees is fine for a girl that age), in school she has to listen to her Morah and those in charge.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 9:13 am

School rule or not, I think the biggest problem is in telling and 8 year old child directly that her skirt is not long enough. It's confusing and humiliating and she's not exactly in charge of her own wardrobe. If a school feels that a little girl's skirt is not long enough, pick up the phone and call the mother or send a quick email. An 8 year old doesn't need to be involved in this.

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

This totally. I once asked DD's principal (older DD, quite a few years ago) that if there's ever any issue with DD's, they should please let me know but not say anything to my DD. I've appreciated that the school respected that, there was once something they wanted differently and they sent me a note, and said nothing to my child.

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Sep 09 2016, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

I agree. I would not take issue with the skirt length situation but I would call both the teacher and principal and request that any complaints about children's wardrobe should be addressed directly to the parents. The teachers can encourage what they're looking for in positive ways but no child should be called out on not doing it right. As you said, they're too little to go out and buy their own skirts at this age.

I'm not the best balabusta and one day last year I ran out of clean uniform shirts. I sent my child in a plain white nice-looking shell under her jumper. She came home in distress saying that she was told that white shirts are only for rosh chodesh and she should not come in a white shirt on a regular day again. I wanted to scream at someone! SHE'S FIVE MEASLY YEARS OLD! It's not her problem if there's no blue shirt in her drawer! And who CARES if she's wearing a white shirt on a blue-shirt day? She might already be feeling self-conscious about it, tell her how nice and clean she looks instead! I would have been a little rankled if they complained to me too, as if it's so terrible to get behind on laundry or not have enough shirts, especially with the kids coloring and painting and gluing all over their uniforms every day. But at least I can take it like a grown up.

I think they forget how little kids are, and how big everything feels to them. They don't have enough life perspective to figure out what to shrug off.