A question about motivation charts

chen

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 10:53 am

They say mitoch shelo lishmoh, yovo lishmoh--he who does something not for its own sake will eventually come to do it for its own sake. No doubt there are people for whom this is not true and tasks for which this is not true, but most people do better with positive reinforcement. The reinforcement does not necessarily have to be something material. The gold stars on the chart are sufficient incentive for some, even if they don't eventually lead to a new toy or a pizza.

There is such a thing as overdoing the "token economy"--you can't reward a kid for every little thing he does, or indeed he may eventually expect the reward and refuse to perform without it. However, there is nothing wrong with the motivational chart system for one or two selected problem areas.

BTW, you need to distinguish between a chart that is used as reminder to do certain things, in which case the star or the checkmark is just a way of recording that the task has been done, and the reward is the personal satisfaction of seeing a completed row, and a reward chart in which a certain number of filled-in spaces translates into a gift or a treat. Either one is fine.

What I would not do is give an actual reward like a toy every time a child does a task that is supposed to be done daily. A reward should be looked upon as something special he has to work for.

gryp

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 11:19 am

Thanks chen. Smile

To be more specific, would you make a reward chart for a task a child does nicely already, or would that make him expect to be rewarded for everything he is supposed to do?
Maybe it depends on my attitude and the chart system I set up. My 4 year old ka"h davens beautifully every single day. I want to encourage him, continue to motivate him, and even reward him, but I'm not sure if that would ruin how he sees davening- it might turn something he feels he should do into something he feels he should get a prize for.

momtomany

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 11:29 am

I use charts to teach my children what needs to be done and to get them used to the routine.
I had a chart for the bedtime routine for a long time, and they would get stars on it for each thing. by now they now what needs to be done and all I have to say is go do your chart, and they go to the bathroom, brush their teeth, bring negel vasser to their bed, etc.
now I just need to start a morning routine b/c they dont remember to actually wash with the negel vasser when they wake up Rolling Eyes

(long before me, so I cant remind them) embarrassed

any suggestions?

gryp

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 11:32 am

I like that idea, thanks. Smile

Much better to present him with a prize after the fact than to make him feel that he's davening for a prize. He already has his own Siddur, I think I'll get him a Tehillim since he enjoys saying his kapitol.
Thanks again.

chen

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 12:57 pm

What would be the point of a chart for something a child already does nicely? Don't complicate your life unnecessarily. Using motivational charts for things he already does would be like giving antibiotics to a person who doesn't have a bacterial infection.

If I gave him a siddur or tehillim or whatever, I'd be more likely to present it not so much as a reward for past behavior but as a "promotion" that he has achieved, in the way that once you pass your intermediate swimming test you are allowed to swim in the deep end of the pool. Similarly, "Your davening nicely proves to me that you merit using this beautiful grownup siddur."

I would certainly praise him when I see him doing something nicely, but after a while I would cut back on the frequency. By then there will be other behaviors that you will want to emphasize and for which you will want to praise him often.

morningstar

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 6:53 pm

In my personal experience, a big problem with motivation charts is keeping the parent motivated . . . It can be a lot of work to stay on top of a bunch of motivational systems, especially if you have a number of children at home.
From a psychological perspective, the best kind of reward is an intermittent, unexpected reward. ( This is why gamblers keep going back).
So if your kid is doing a good already, I would skip the chart, and just find occasions to surprise him with a compliment... or a little gift . . . or something natural to the task like a nice siddur.
Much nachas always!!

btMOMtoFFBs

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 9:27 pm

Just my 2 cents... Not sure how old of a boy we're discussing, but I would treat ruchniyos-based motivational things like davening or saying tehillim very differently from making his bed or some other mundane task he has to do also.

The expectation should be lower (davens just the basics at home - not like at school) and the reward bigger - go out for a soda with Mommy at the end of the week.

Make the pressure light and the reward really super so we differentiate davening from chores and the "reward" is better than any other prize. This takes mesirus nefesh from a Mommy, but its worth it.

gryp

Thu, Aug 30 2007, 7:52 am

My son is only just 4 and davening for him means taking a siddur and saying Shema, some Vehaya, and Ach Tzaddikim. Sometimes Ein Keilokeinu if he is in the mood and on Shabbos we sing Lchai Olamim and some other special davening together. (Brachos he says before breakfast so most of the davening he would say is already done by the time it's time to daven.)

I don't treat it like other chores such as putting his shoes or clothes away (too young to make his bed), but as something he needs to do right away in the morning before playtime. Obviously I don't force it on him and I let him relax a bit in his pajamas before officially starting his day and I wait for the right time to announce: Time to get dressed and daven!But why should my expectations be lower than regular tasks?

btMOMtoFFBs

Fri, Aug 31 2007, 6:24 am

Because you don't want any negative associations or pressure associated with Yiddishkeit. Just pleasantness. Its better to have him daven few tefillos b'simcha than to be pressured to daven so much and feel a pressured or negative association about it. My point is that Yiddishkeit should feel light and pleasant to a child - not like a heavy yoke around his neck. As long as he's happy about the davening he's doing now, then super!

gryp

Fri, Aug 31 2007, 12:17 pm

I understand your point, but I disagree that pressure means negativity. I think there's a good pressure which comes with excitement and a sense of responsibility to fulfill Hashem's will.

There is also the issue of teaching your children the concept of Kabbolas Ol, meaning when something needs to be done you do it- no ifs, ands, or buts.

Yiddishkeit is not all easy and pleasant. It's hard to keep Torah and Mitzvos, it's hard to work to become the perfect person, but we do it anyway because that's what Hashem wants and we do it b'simcha even though it's a hard task we have.

And that's what I'm trying to teach my children- if something is hard or challenging, well...bring it on!

gryp

Fri, Aug 31 2007, 3:09 pm

I just realized I can make him a chart for reading lines in the siddur. Smile

That way I can reward him plenty, he'll get the practice that he needs, and it's not something he would get used to doing for a reward since it's a temporary stage until he reads fluently.