Please help me help my husband lose weight

Amarante

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:32 am

mommy24 wrote:

Maybe I can also figure out to make more filling meals, so he doesn't still crave nosh afterwards? But that is something I am wondering is psychological or if he really needs more.

I am finding your posts confusing.

First there is nothing that can help a person lose weight unless they are motivated internally.

I doubt that your husband has health issues although it is crazy for him to not get a physical to make sure there is not something going on. I would say this is true whether he was fat, thin or normal weight. Everyone needs to be checked out physically.

That said, I would be almost certain that your husband is eating excess calories during most of the day. Is he eating in restaurants. How is he getting food when he is not in the house. Most people - especially middle aged people - are fat because they eat too much. Why they eat too much is a function of both biology and psychology as some people just don't have the same internal appetite controls and also people self medicate with food just others self medicate with alcohol, gambling, shopping or whatever.

If you make lower calorie meals - I.e.. lean protein prepared in a lower calorie way; lots of veggies; some fruit, your husband can eat a LOT of food. It's the principle of Volumetrics as you can eat an enormous amount of chicken breast prepared with a low calorie preparation versus the same number of calories for fried chicken, lasagna, brisket etc. These are called low density foods - ie. the volume of food is less in calories than high calorically dense foods.
Think of the difference between eating fresh fruit and nuts. You would be naturally full eating far fewer calories of fruit than nuts - or even dried fruits which are more calorically dense than fresh fruit.

amother

Silver

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 1:36 pm

My humble advice if you want to help him - do. NOT. do anything at all!
When he loses half a pound, do mention how great he looks but other than that leave him alone.
He's not a child. He know the basics of losing weight "eat less, move more, don't eat junk" - if someone told him he would win a million dollars in a month if he lost 10 pounds, he would know exactly what to do. So knowing HOW to lose weight is not the problem, it's having the motivation that is the problem. So when he is ready, meaning when he is motivated to lose weight, he will do it. You getting involved gets in the way of his motivation. If someone told you to stop eating, would that motivate you? No. Quite the opposite.

My dh was overweight for years and he would keep saying how he needed to lose weight and I would keep pointing out what he was doing wrong until one day I forced myself to step back and shut up. He suddenly became motivated on his own and apart from telling him how amazing he looks, I do not get involved with his diet. I am not his mother or his trainer/coach and now I can go back to being his fun girlfriend/wife.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 3:48 pm

amother wrote:

THIS! By far the best advice yet. BTDT.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 4:16 pm

We were just there about 1 year ago. DH wanted to loose a nice amount of weight. His mother had been pressuring him for a long time to loose it but he wasn't interested.
I found the most important part was that he wanted it, once he wanted it for himself (and his health - his dr pushed him) he was very involved.

- The most important step was education. We found a nutritionist (recommended by his dr) who was realistic. She let him still eat the food he liked - pizza, hot dogs, beer, wine, whiskey. But he learned how many calories was in what and what he lost by eating it. It was a major education and worth every penny. She was also focused on healthy eating and excising. She slowly guided him on what to do. She focused on a calorie based diet and broke it down by meals and suggested meal plans for each meal that fit in the calories allowed. (like 400 calories each meal + 2-200 calorie snacks + 50 calorie nighttime snack)

- We bought a scale and he weighed and counted everything until he got the idea of regular portions.

- I taught him to make some dishes but let him take charge. (I ended up getting healthy breakfasts and lunches made for me daily Smile

). He learned to make his own oatmeal, eggs, salads, wraps, etc. He prepared a great lunch and snacks every day to take with him. We bought a good frying pan, panini press and grill pan.

- We bought tons of vegetables, fruits, whole grain foods.

- I changed the way I cooked for shabbos and baked. Only made lower calorie baked goods for shabbos. Prepared healthy oneg shabbos snacks. baked some muffins for him for during the week.

- He also started supersizing slowly on his own (based on the nutritionist's advice), weight lifting, stomach crunches, bike riding.

- going to the nutritionist is also a pressure to lose. You are paying for each way in and its embarrassing not to loose so it makes sure you really stick to it.

In the end it was his responsibility but I helped and supported him. b'h he lost a ton of weight and is in a much healthier place. Also all his health concerns have cleared up and he sleeps better.
In the end our entire family benefited.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 4:39 pm

Check out the book "Eat Right 4 Your Type". Once you know his blood type, the rest is easy.
https://www.amazon.com/Right-Y.....41848

Don't give him a list of things he "can't eat", rather, give him a list of things he CAN eat, and then don't limit his portions. The weight will come off slowly, but all on it's own.

For example, I'm A positive. I had to give up tomatoes and eggplant (sob), but I can eat all the goat cheese I like. Red meat is not so good for me, but chicken and turkey are just fine. I can have pretty much everything else I want, with the exception of tropical fruits and a few kinds of nuts (cashews and macadamia).

I've lost a whole dress size, and my skirts are falling off my hips. I'm not eating any less than I did before, just slightly differently. I snack a lot, too.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 4:56 pm

amother wrote:

I'm A positive and I would never give up tomatoes, eggplant, tropical fruits, cashews or macadamia. Smile

Normally, I wouldn't either! A friend of mine talked me into giving it a try, and it has worked wonders for my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. The weight loss was just a nice bonus.

I sleep better, have more energy, and my mood has really improved. I'm getting so much more done around the house, and overall I just feel better. Friends who didn't know I was doing the diet have been amazed at the change in me, and have complimented me on my clear skin and "sparkly eyes". One person though I'd bought a whole new wardrobe, just because my clothes hang on me differently now. Very Happy

thanks

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 7:46 pm

You know when he will lose weight? When he is truly ready, when he researches and chooses the diet, when he prioritizes and finds time to exercise, when he decides to stop eating what you bake, when he puts in the effort.

All you can do is serve healthy balanced meals, and stock healthy snacks. Unless he asked you to put him on a diet, but I didn't see that in any of your posts.

I know it must be frustrating for you. I'm on the other side. Nothing my husband suggests will help me. Several times, I've lost weight when I wanted to. When he starts to be the food police, I just eat when he's not around.

Water Stones

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 7:55 pm

mommy24 wrote:

While I agree with everyone about him going for blood work, and dietician, he won't go. I have been asking for years, but because of problems he has had with drs in past, he doesn't trust many. It's a very difficult situation, believe me in a second I would tell him to go to Dr and nutrionist, but that won't work in this situation. And it would just turn him off to trying to eat healthier. And now that he is saying he would try to eat healthier, I don't want to ruin it. I can't ask friends because either they are just as overweight, they have fast metabolism, or cu tout carbs completely and none of these would work for my husband.

My father was very over weight. My mother beg him to talk to a doctor, he said no. He loves nosh at night when he doing his papers and learning. So she put vegetables raw like celery carrots cucumber on his desk with dip. He ate it every night and saw he like it and lost ton! He like the weight loss so much so he got to be better accepting other food recipes she gave him. It "clicked" to him. And now he is only a little bit over weight.

mommy24

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:48 pm

Amarante wrote:

Firstly, He is totally motivated on his own, I hadn't brought up anything about his weight in years. His clothes don't fit, he is feeling exhausted, bloated, and just not how he normally feels, therefore he came to me and said he wanted to lose weight. So again, not coming from anyone but himself, unless his mother said something. But I have told his mother many times, HE needs to be ready to change his eating habits, I can;t do anything more than continue making the foods that are healthy, and stop making the fried foods and dairy that is not good for him, ie pastas with cheese. My mother in law buys nosh for kids, I forgot to mention that in earlier posts, and I ask her everytime to please not bring, bec its my husband who will eat it. Anyways, I don't know it could be she finally said something that bothered him enough to want to change. But honesntly, I think it came from him, just not feeling healthy lately.

Regarding him not getting a physical, I can't explain it, but his whole family is like this, its very odd. As much as I try to get him to go, I even make appointments but he refuses to go. Though he will go if something bothers him. Like I said the whole family is like this, its very strange, and when it comes to me he doesn't understand if I push off dr appointments.

He is definetly not eating out of the house, he eats the food that I give him, or the food he finds in the house. I pack him lunch and snacks (salads with fish/chicken, and veggies, fruits, and nuts, and granola bar with yougurt, sometimes pretzels/crackers).

I think I just need to do research and learn more about healthy eating habits.

mommy24

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 8:55 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

This is very intresting, I am going to check out this book. This sounds like something that he might listen to.

MagentaYenta

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:14 pm

You say your husband is motivated but he doesn't seem to be taking any responsibility for finding a program for himself. Yes you can help by cooking healthier but the fact remains, the onus is on him. As to him not going to the Drs to get checked out, that's one of the first steps of dieting. It is important that he be healthy enough to diet. From what you describe it sounds like he is suffering from the weight gain. As to exercise, I spent many years working behind a desk and when my skirts got tight it was time for me to take the stairs. It also meant I walked stairs or around the building on my breaks and lunch hours too. Lunch time was a 30 minute walk while I ate fruit/veg, cheese and a hardboiled egg.

acemom

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:16 pm

amother wrote:

I agree.

DH came to me with a menu/schedule of foods he would like to stick to, and I just followed along. He did all the research and hard work. It has BH paid off and he is motivated to stick to whatever diet he started.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 9:52 pm

I agree with two points two mothers made.
. 1) it seems your dh is eating more calories than he needs in a day, so you should cut out the baking of high caloric foods and /or do portion control. I am trying to lose weight but having foods I can't eat "staring me in the face" is hard and I wish my dh /kids would agree to healthy "nosh" around.

2) I used to crave nosh/sugar foods.....but I made sure to keep healthy vegetables around to nosh on all the time which helped me stop my sugar cravings--of course this takes time and self control but you can help him by always having healthy things for him to nosh on around all the time.

Also, you said he wont exercise but exercising is so important. So, if you can help him with portion control, counting calories to make sure to stay within the limit, having healthy things to nosh on, and encourage him to go walking with you, he should be able to lose weight.

Again, I must point out that if you make fried foods for your kids, it may be harder for your dh because the food he can't have will be all around him. The best thing you can do to support him is to change everyone's diet to more healthier eating so as to support your dh to avoid setting him up for failure by having"forbidden foods" around.

iammom

Sun, Nov 20 2016, 10:11 pm

btdivorcedmom wrote:

Read the book "Life transforming diet" by David Zulberg. It's based on Rambam principles, very easy to follow, does not fully exclude any food groups, and is very easy to keep up over a long period of time.

I second this recommendation. Firstly, the author backs everything up with biological reasoning and Torah reasoning. The first whole section in the book is just talking about the behind the scenes.
Secondly, he holds that in order for someone to really change his diet (or to change anything for that matter), it has to become a habit. So he implements 1 change every week. The first week you change one thing. The next week you keep that up and add another. So it doesn't feel overwhelming at all bec you hardly have to change anything the first day. If he didn't get to the week of changing what's eaten for supper, he literally could eat that greasy hamburger (I'm exaggerating here) every day til he tackles that.
Thirdly, the diet doesn't limit the potion size, it's mainly combinations of food types. The diet emphasizes how you have to listen to your body and know when to stop. But this is why I love the diet because everyone needs different size portions to feel satisfied. There is a diff between satisfied and stuffed. And learning not to eat/Nosh from boredom
Fourth of alll (gosh this is getting long) Hes Jewish so he talks about shabbos and Yom tov so that is a huge help. Plus he comes at the diet from a Jewish background.
Fifth, you mentioned your husband doesn't have time for breakfast. One of the things of the diet is that one meal is a high water content meal which means jus fruits or veggies. So that would work out in which you can cut up a bunch of fruits and he can grab that and eat it on the go.
Lastly, the "hardest" part of the diet (which is really for every diet out there practically) is the prep. But if you are preparing it, it won't be a problem for him at all.

The weight loss may come slowly on this just because the change In diet is at a slower pace but I have to say, I feel SO good. I feel like my systems in my body are working and doing what they're supposed to be doing.

I hope this helps!