Do I have to? | Imamother

pizza4

Mon, Dec 12 2016, 8:21 pm

Why not? Create good feelings all around.
Sure doesn't hurt to show appreciation for the person caring for your child. It doesn't need to be an expensive gift. A thank you note with a bakery danish is fine, I do that sometimes at random times, aside from chanuka and purim.

imasinger

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 4:00 am

Giving gifts is never something you have to do.

What else is going on here? Do you have disagreements about finances? Can you make ends meet each month?

I agree with pizza4 that it's the thought that counts. An inexpensive item with a heartfelt note can go far.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 4:20 am

imasinger wrote:

Giving gifts is never something you have to do.

It's not that simple. Yes, strictly by definition, you never have to give anyone a gift. But there are certain situations that call for a gift and if you don't give something, you come off as stingy. Of course you can show up to a simcha empty handed and the hosts would be tacky to say anything other than "your presence is the present", but that doesn't make it ok not to get a gift. When you are invited to a simcha, the proper thing to do is get a gift. So too, the accepted practice is that gifts are standard at this time of year for teachers, therapists, sitters, etc. No you don't technically have to, but it does not reflect well on you if you don't. I agree it doesn't have to be expensive or more than a token, but yeah, something should be given if you don't want to look clueless. Purim is a different story, it is not universally acknowledged that all those people get something, though a simple mishloach manot for the sitter would certainly be nice and shouldn't be particularly difficult to do.

lucky14

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 10:54 am

I'd suggest giving a gift for Channukah and if you want a small mishloach manot for Purim. And honestly I think it should be more than just a card, even if it's just like a small gift card to a local restaurant or target or amazon or whatever, it's nicer than just a card. Doesn't have to be much, but just something.

SixOfWands

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 11:10 am

Are you referring to a full or part time sitter, or to a teen who watches your kids when you go out for dinner?

For a full or part time sitter, its traditional to give a year end bonus, which you can think of as a Chanukah gift if you like. At least 1 to 2 weeks salary. If s/he is Jewish, I'd give nice shaloch manot at Purim. Nothing extravagant. Maybe add a small gift card if you'd like.

For a teen or occasional sitter, a nice letter (which can serve as a reference for others) and a gift card worth what you'd pay for one or two nights would be nice. Again, shaloch manot at Purim.

chocolatecake

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 11:19 am

My baby is at a dropoff babysitter and I have two kids in school. For Chanukah I generally don't do anything for the babysitter and the class generally chips in together for the teachers in school. On Purim I give teachers and babysitters mishloach manos. At the end of the year I give a thank you card with a gift card to something like Amazon inside.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 13 2016, 6:44 pm

op here, thanks for your responses
no we don't have issues w finances BH. just we sometimes have diff views of what extra money we have should go to.
DH is used to expensive clothes, where I would do perfectly ok with cheaper and rather spend the extra on extras (like prez for a morah:))

I told him based on this post we will or will not give.

guess my babysitter lucked out!

thnks!