Rasha...? | Imamother

amother

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 6:14 am

There is a guy we know who became a baal-teshuva in his teens. He was in (a baal-teshuva) yeshiva for at least 5-6 years, shomer shabbos etc the whole "nine yards". He eventually left yeshiva to go work, and slowly slowly he became less and less observant. He is still living in a frum community with a lot of his yeshiva friends, most of whom are married with 1-3 children. He met a (Jewish) girl who is not only not frum, she is anti frum (as much as you can only imagine). And now they are getting married. It's hard to know when he stopped being frum completely before of after getting involved with her but it really doesn't matter (people have seen him driving on shabbos, going into stores etc).

He is having a chuppah in our shul and then a reception at a treif restaurant nearby with mixed dancing etc etc etc. My husband said that we are not allowed to go to the chuppah since that would be condoning his choices and because he used to be frum he is not tinok shenishba. He knows that there is kareis for being with a niddah, he knows all the other issurim that he is over every minute.

I have such a hard time accepting that he is a rasha, I mean he obviously wasn't really frum before otherwise how can he just throw it all out the window for taivos....or am I being too naive? I also feel like cutting off ties with him like that will just leave a bad taste in his mouth about frumkeit and he will never come back (I don't know if he would otherwise, but still). His sister, who is chassidish, is not even coming to the wedding!

Any thoughts?

shopaholic

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 6:50 am

I don't know about attending the wedding or not, but I don't think calling him a rasha is very nice. Yes, he made mistakes, he sounds a little mixed up - not sure what he wants. He was raised one way, changed as a teen & changed again now. There are FFB people who become not frum or less frum too & they most definitely know all the halachos of everything.

amother

Fri, Sep 07 2007, 6:53 am

You mean "rushu". My daughter's name is Rasha. (It's a Russian name.)

Ruchel

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 12:56 pm

amother wrote:

You mean "rushu". My daughter's name is Rasha. (It's a Russian name.)

Rushu ?
The word is Rasha. It is also a Yiddish name, which doesn’t change anything. Yiddish names sometimes have a terrible meaning in Hebrew (Pessel for example) but it is irrelevant as it is another language.

chocolate moose

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 5:35 pm

I don't think it's pronounced the same way, though.

MommyLuv

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 8:10 pm

amother wrote:

my thoughts:

1-Who are any of us to call another Jew a Rasha? shock

It makes me sad to read your post.

2-He is having a (presumably kosher) chuppa, marrying a Jewish woman. There is no reason not to share in his celebration.

He is obviously having a hard time being committed to Yiddishkeit, and needs empathy and friendship rather than a disdainful, holier-than-thou attitude from people around him. Seeing that people care enough about HIM as a person-despite his faltering observance-can do wonders.

3-Leave the him 'being with a nidda' and his other averos between him and G-d. Hashem is the only Judge.

mummiedearest

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 10:02 pm

which kohen gadol became a hellenist at the age of 80? never assume that his frumkeit earlier wasn't real. also, he is marrying a jewish woman, and for all you know, she may have been convinced to go the the mikvah, she may become pro-frum, etc. I have heard of people not attending chuppahs if they think that the couple would not get a get if divorce were to happen later, but I don't know whether that is a halachic question or not. please don't think of this man as a rasha, that is for Hashem to decide, not us. his sister not attending the wedding has nothing to do with you, and if you are uncomfortable going to the chuppah, please ask a rav what to do. it could be that your going encourages him to maintain a level of observance that he would not keep otherwise. please note that he IS having a chuppah. that means that there is some importance placed on tradition. I think that if he is not trying to convince others to be mechalel shabbos, etc, the community would do best not to shun him. shunning can do a lot of harm.

mummiedearest

Sat, Sep 08 2007, 10:03 pm

also, my father new a couple when he was growing up in which the husband was very definitely orthodox but the wife was not shomer shabbos. she became shomer shabbos over the course of their marriage.

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 09 2007, 6:23 am

chocolate moose wrote:

I don't think it's pronounced the same way, though.

I have no idea... In French they are.

Piper

Sun, Sep 09 2007, 12:25 pm

He is marrying a Jewish woman. By snubbing them in this way, the community will only push them away even further from Yiddishkeit. Just go to the ceremony and wish them well.