Home

Pets dying (S/O)

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Pets

Report offensive ad

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:05 pm
My son desperately wants a pet, but at the same time doesn't want one because, in his words "I'll just be so so so sad when.... You know...."

What would you say to him? How would you advise him? Would you get him the pet?
Back to top

Seas









  


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:18 pm
TBH when pets die they're replaceable. It might not be nice to say when someone is sad that they lost a pet, but it's the truth. Animals are just animals.

A good thing is to have boundaries and to remember that even when they're alive and you enjoy them, they're only dumb animals. Don't elevate them to the level of humans.
Back to top

sourstix









  


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:28 pm
Seas, you know what you arote is gonna create a ruckus. Why did you have to write it? Until you wrote the word dumb I was like......but I really hope your not looking for trouble.

Anyway, I do think you should get him a pet. Even going to a homeless shelter is a good thing, many times they put them down because they simply can't find anyone to care for them and they are overloaded so you would do well by rescuing them. I do confess I've never had a pet so I can't understand the pain of losing one.

Maybe someone here with experience can help you.
Back to top

amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:29 pm
Whoever hugged Seas post if you did it to be aggressive I think that is mean. I agree that I can try to talk to him about not elevating animals to the level of people, but it seems to be very common / normal / part of the human condition that people DO grow to love their pets.
Back to top

sourstix









  


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:31 pm
This thread is getting to be nauseous to read I'm out.
Back to top

amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:32 pm
And sourstix I'm going to be dlkz and assume by 'dumb' she meant 'unable to speak '. But yeah ok we've got at least one in favor of 'get it anyway '
Back to top

amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:34 pm
Sorry - what made you nauseous? I guess your out sourstix but I'm sorry that I upset you. I just don't like passive aggressive hugs.
Back to top

Seas









  


Post  Sun, Mar 12 2017, 9:38 pm
I've had and still have a bunch of pets, and yes some have died. Including so called beloved ones. Pets are not kids or humans and shouldn't be given the status of such.
Back to top

WhatFor









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 9:36 am
I'd just like to point out that the previous poster's posts are not responsive to the original post. It criticizes a viewpoint that nobody even posted here. I guess it was very important that that poster get that out of their system, even though it was at the expense of the OP. Seems like it was really weighing on them.

Anyway, OP, you can try to explain to your son that if the pet passes away, he'll feel sad, but if he never gets the pet in the first place, he'll lose out on all the joy he could experience when having a pet.
Back to top

esuss









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 10:01 am
amother wrote:
My son desperately wants a pet, but at the same time doesn't want one because, in his words "I'll just be so so so sad when.... You know...."

What would you say to him? How would you advise him? Would you get him the pet?


We had a oarakeet that my kids loved. He let them hold him. He helped get them through a tough time in my kids life. He got sick and died after 2 years. We held a "memorial service" for him. They were sad for a few days. Then we got 2 parakeets whom they live all over again. Every so often they talk about the old bird who died but with fondness. They definitely gained from the whole experience.
Back to top

amother




Floralwhite


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 10:14 am
If your son is old enough to follow reasoning, you could adopt an older pet who would almost certainly have been put down otherwise, and explain to your son that even when it dies eventually, you have prolonged its life tremendously by bringing it home in the first place and that is something to be happy about even if he is sad too. Also, you could let him pet sit or maybe even foster if you're up for that.
Back to top

Seas









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 11:11 am
WhatFor wrote:
I'd just like to point out that the previous poster's posts are not responsive to the original post. It criticizes a viewpoint that nobody even posted here. I guess it was very important that that poster get that out of their system, even though it was at the expense of the OP. Seems like it was really weighing on them.

Anyway, OP, you can try to explain to your son that if the pet passes away, he'll feel sad, but if he never gets the pet in the first place, he'll lose out on all the joy he could experience when having a pet.


I beg to differ. If you approach pet-keeping with the right attitude from the start, the problem of bereavement when the pet dies will never arise in the first place.

The OP can tell her son that pets are just animated playthings, which are eventually going to die. He can enjoy it while it lasts, even enjoy it a lot, but always remember it's only an animal. And also that when it inevitably dies he can always get another.
Back to top

chavs









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 12:16 pm
If you from the start want to get a pet as a commodity that can be replaced I'd suggest a rock as a the whole point of getting a pet for a child is to help they'll learn empathy, responsibility and for many pets can have a therapeutic effect.
In terms of the pet, it's a living being that you take into your care and it deserves to be treated as such, not like a toy that can be replaced.

In terms of your child op, if your ds feels like he won't be able to cope with the loss I'd listen to him.
Pets can help teach children to learn about death and loss and having that sadness from losing a pet and being supported through it isn't a bad thing. If your son says he doesn't want to though, maybe he really isn't ready for that.
Back to top

Seashells









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:07 pm
amother wrote:
My son desperately wants a pet, but at the same time doesn't want one because, in his words "I'll just be so so so sad when.... You know...."

What would you say to him? How would you advise him? Would you get him the pet?



I had a dog since when I was 5 years old, she was a new born puppy. She die of old age when I was 16 and I was heart broke. I loved her so much. Even now sometimes a cry a little bit when I see her pictures.

It's so sad when she died, even now I feel it, but not so bad any more because time helped. Even though it's sad I am SO happy that she was in my life and I wouldn't change it that I had her.

Maybe get the puppy and tell your son don't worry, the pup will be his friend for a long time and he don't have to worry about it dying for many years until he's grown and will know how to handle his grief by then.
CV it gets sick and die earlier, but only think positive it won't happen.

Having my dog was a very love and caring experience for me for 11 years.
Back to top

amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:22 pm
Thanks for the replies. In a way I'm kinda pleased that he is "thinking ahead" , as he tends to.be somewhat impulsive. I think probably it is not a terrible thing to go through the sadness of losing a pet, in that loss is a part of life. And I do think it would be god for teaching him responsibility and will just be something for him to stroke to help him relax when he feels anxious or stressed (this is the main reason he wants the pet). Anyway he knows nothing is doing until after Pesach, so I'll see how he feels then.
Back to top

amother




Amber


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:28 pm
amother wrote:
My son desperately wants a pet, but at the same time doesn't want one because, in his words "I'll just be so so so sad when.... You know...."

What would you say to him? How would you advise him? Would you get him the pet?


What kind of pet would he like? How old is your son? Will he help take care of it? Will you get pet insurance to be able to cover costs when they get old and need care? If you get a cat or dog? Who will take care of the pet if you have to travel? these are the more immediate questions you have to ask.
Back to top

greenfire









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:36 pm
pets are more devoted than people ... they're always there without complaining ... they love you just because ... they are irreplaceable

& with all the stories of gilgulim - who is to say

don't mock people who love their pets ~ they are our furry family !!!
Back to top

Amarante









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 2:59 pm
Your son is obviously a sensitive soul.

Yes it is heartbreaking that in most instances, our beloved animals will outlive us but they provide such an enriching experience while they are around, it would be *silly* to miss out on the experience because one anticipates being sad when they are no longer around. If one follows that line of reasoning, one might miss out on a multitude of experiences and people that might be transitory because nothing is certain in this life.

I am not sure this is completely apropos but my friend sent me a copy of the Last Will and Testament of Silverdene Emblem O'Neill - written by Eugene O'Neill the great playwright which captures some of the essence of the relationship between human and dog.

The last paragraph especially in terms of what one gains from the relationship even as one grieves the loss of it.

One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved." No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.


I, SILVERDENE EMBLEM O'NEILL (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie and Naomi and -- But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.

I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those of my fellow Dalmatians who are devout Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of houris, beautifully spotted; where jack rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's Master and Mistress.

I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.

One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have permitted to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others. Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best. So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the Place Vendôme, or later along Park Avenue, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume, come closer to jack rabbits than I have been able to in recent years. And for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.

One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved." No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.

Tao House, December 17th, 1940
Back to top

Seas









  


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 7:35 pm
chavs wrote:
If you from the start want to get a pet as a commodity that can be replaced I'd suggest a rock as a the whole point of getting a pet for a child is to help they'll learn empathy, responsibility and for many pets can have a therapeutic effect.
In terms of the pet, it's a living being that you take into your care and it deserves to be treated as such, not like a toy that can be replaced.


That might be your reason for getting pets. Mine is because I enjoy them. They're playthings to me, albeit cuddly and cute animate plaything. But I'm not going to anthropomorphisize them.

My kids like the pets (I prefer to reserve 'love' for humans), and care for them. But they're not going to be devastated when they die. In fact they quite happily watched a pet chicken being shechted, and participated in the cutting and salting (and of course eating).

My posts are very relevant to the OP's question. If her child would have this - rather healthy, I may add - attitude to pets, he could happily enjoy them when they're alive without a crippling fear of bereavement when they die.
Back to top

amother




Saddlebrown


Post  Mon, Mar 13 2017, 9:38 pm
At the risk of 1000s of passive aggressive hugs, I agree with a lot of what Seas wrote. Not sure how I change my kids feelings about animals though. They get very upset if I kill a cockroach.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> Pets

Similar Topics Replies Last Post
Pets 138 Sun, Apr 06 2008, 9:01 am View last post
Hilchos Pets
by amother
6 Tue, Jul 05 2011, 10:27 pm View last post
Virtual pets
by amother
3 Thu, Feb 02 2017, 2:31 am View last post
Hilchos Pets? 6 Mon, Jul 15 2013, 7:18 pm View last post
pets & presents 16 Tue, Dec 04 2007, 8:34 pm View last post

Jump to:  





Report offensive ad