When calling a Rabbi about a shaila...

anon

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 10:33 am

are you supposed to say your name, or is it understood (is it the norm) to remain anonymous?

I don't feel like saying my name whenever I call (even if it's a simple shabbas or kashrus shaila), but I'm worried that it's rude not to introduce myself.

chocolate moose

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 11:38 am

The rov has to posken for you according to your level. I always say my first name and that I live in C.H.

mimivan

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 2:15 pm

I don't say my name. He paskens also according to the situation and I try to describe that in detail.

It is important to know the Rav understands the situation very well. Once I got a surprising psak and I think it was because the Rav did not hear one of the details. It did not occur to me until I got off the phone and was already in the middle of the fast (actually it was yesterday, Tzom Gedalia) that he maybe did not hear all of the details. So it is quite important to be clear.

Just reminding myself for next time. Wink

match

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 2:34 pm

I think, if your community is big and the rabbonim you're calling are used to getting calls from millions of ppl, it's ok not to introduce yourself, just explain your question and the situation well, you may even say you prefer to remain anon.
I live in a relatively small community and the Rav I call for shailos knows me well, so even if I don't say my name he'll know who's calling. So it's kinda rude of me to not introduce myself, thats why I always do. If I want to ask a shaila anonimously, I would have to call someone who doesn't know me. Or I would email a rav.

shoshb

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 4:40 pm

Don't most people today have caller ID? If the Rav can identify you anyway, it's only polite to say "hello, I hope you are well!!"

greenfire

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 4:50 pm

asai l'cha rav ... perhaps that is why ... to have an ongoing rapport with a specific rov ...

shlumzmum

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 6:25 pm

there is a number (I think 1845 halacha) where u can ask sheilos anonymously.

my dh is very close to his rav and they have caller id so he always knows who is asking the sheila

chocolate moose

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 6:59 pm

I don't see how you can ask without the rov knowing you and your situation. If you want to go lechumrah or not.

amother

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 7:30 pm

my kallah teacher's father is a dayan. she said that he does not have caller id, so that people shouldn't be embarrased to ask questions.

Yakira

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 8:57 pm

I never introduce myself. There was one incident where we were going to the Rav nearly every day and he gave me a specific psak, so the following day, I called and said 'I'm the woman who you told xyz to'.

lamplighter

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 9:01 pm

I don't introduce myself, but I do make some kind of indication in my asking that shows that I am a frum chabad woman, so as not to be told an answer the rav might give to a MO person or new BT (not comparing, just stating 2 groups).
We are good friends with one of the Rabbonim in CH (who we don't ask TH questions to) and he said there is no caller ID in the BAdatz offices.

anon

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 10:55 pm

So I just said my first name, like CM suggested. I don't know why I didn't think of that myself Scratching Head

mimivan

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 10:58 pm

What would be the point if he wouldn't know me anyway?
and if it's a shaila about Tarahas Hamispacha, all the better if its anonymous.

miriamnechama

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 7:41 am

I don't he paskens according to the problem. every shaila is diffeent and evry ans is different and what a rov might say to a might not say to b.

mimivan

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 8:45 am

hmmm...but if who I am really matters, then the Rav would ask more questions about me when I ask a shayla. Or say "I can't answer unless I really know you..." I assume the rabbis at least know what they are doing.

Motek

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 8:07 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

The rov has to posken for you according to your level. I always say my first name and that I live in C.H.

First, seems inappropriate to be on a first-name basis with a rav. Second, how does he pasken specifically for you when you haven't told him your last name (in which case he might know you) and he knows nothing about you other than your first name?

Quote:

if who I am really matters, then the Rav would ask more questions about me when I ask a shayla. Or say "I can't answer unless I really know you..." I assume the rabbis at least know what they are doing.

sounds reasonable!

chocolate moose

Wed, Sep 19 2007, 10:58 am

I am calling the rabbonim more than 2 dozen years in my town.

One rov, I babysat for his kids.
Another, I know his wife from shiurim.
a third, I sit with his wife in shul!

I have a very distinctive voice and I call pretty often. ...it's not a problem!!!!!!