Is it better "to have loved and to have lost?”

greenfire

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 1:29 pm

hey chocolate moose ... why don't you help this woman make a "memorial" of sorts ... you can have people come and light candles ... and talk about the loss of never becoming a mother ... that could be so healing for her ...

amother

Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:07 am

I didn't even read all the responses but being IF for sometime now and was speaking to a friend who had been through several miscarriages and we both felt so sorry for the other and that the other's was worse.

It just goes to show Hashem gives you what you can handle. For my friend, the idea of never having been able to conceive seems like a much bigger challenge then to have some hope but then lose it.

For me, I think I could not get over the loss, and would be deeply discouraged and too fearful in my future pregnancies. I think not having ever conceived, is a hard situation, but I would chose it over getting pregnant and losing the baby.

I always say (and I'm going to go anon for this, because I really do always say it) That Hashem decides at the beginning of the year what your year will be, but just the general decrees, not specifics. (R' Wallerstein said this) for example Hashem decrees Mr. X is going to be in an ambulance on this and this day, and then according to Mr. X's choices, and turn of events he is either in the ambulance because he was sick/hurt/or escorting a friend, or his wife to give birth...etc. etc.

So I feel Hashem decreed I would not have a child. I am so happy that I did not Chas V'Shalom accidentally kill my baby, or lose it by someone else's carelessness/deceitfulness, or ...any case.