Daughter's friend asking for info

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 12:16 am

Not sure where to post this question/issue, if this goes under chinuch or parenting or etiquette. So, my 6th grade daughter just told me that a friend of hers who's in 5th grade has been asking her and some other friends what menstruation is. My daughter told her that she should ask her mother and would not give her any info (so proud of her!). This girl was the only one of that group of friends that didn't know, according to my daughter.
What I'm wondering is, should I give the girl's mom a heads up that she's been inquiring? The mom and I are acquaintances but not really friends. We live in a small community so we know each other's names, etc. Truthfully I'm surprised that the girl hasn't been taught this information already, as she looks like she's starting to develop. I'm afraid I'd be stepping on some toes by even mentioning it to the mom. I just know if the situation were reversed, I would definitely want to know if my daughter was asking questions like this, because I'd rather her learn from me than from peers! What do you think?

RebekahsMom

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 12:32 am

Many 6th graders are well into developing. What mother would allow her daughter to freak that she’s bleeding without explaining why? Unless mom has explained, and the girl was either looking for confirmation, or to let your child know that she knows about grown up stuff.

I would definitely call mom and inform her (politely, of course) that the girl had asked.

DrMom

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 12:34 am

It seems pretty vital to let a girl of that age know about this topic.

I assume the mother doesn't want her daughter to start bleeding one day and not have any idea why. (!)

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 10:02 am

Yes. I'm sure you're all right. I will contact mom. I'm just hesitant b/c mom is a different generation than I am (maybe she's in her early 50's) and also a different culture (Middle Eastern) so I'm wondering if there are some cultural differences with this issue but.... yeah I think I gotta say something so the daughter doesn't get some bizarre half-correct information from another 10 yr old.

amother

Black

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 10:11 am

amother wrote:

I think you are trying to be nice but I feel I have to chime in with one aspect you might be unaware of.
I was that girl. If my parents would get such a phone call I would be beaten. My parents would take it as an insult to themselves. And my parents are very well respected people so nobody would dream thats thier way of handling things.
Dony be carried away by her mothers looks. Parents can seem very normal on the outside but can be monsters if said child breaks thier stupit laws.

So, Watch out on that little girl. Sometimes being quiet is a better option.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 10:27 am

amother wrote:

Eeek. So sorry. So, do you have any suggestions? There is an older, married sister who I think lives in town. I could approach her, perhaps?

amother

Black

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

Eeek. So sorry. So, do you have any suggestions? There is an older, married sister who I think lives in town. I could approach her, perhaps?

My suggestion based on my experience is that you should just let it go. Not everything is fixable.

I had married sisters then and only had pain when they brought back such comments from well meaning people.
I am the married sister now. I dont utter a word that can affect my younger siblings emotional wellbeing. There is no gain in reporting anything because these parents take every report very literal. Its complicated.

amother

Coral

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 1:25 pm

amother wrote:

that is horrible. Op, I still think you should find a way to convey the info to the girl yourself, she deserves to know even if she has misguided parents.

amother

Black

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

that is horrible. Op, I still think you should find a way to convey the info to the girl yourself, she deserves to know even if she has misguided parents.

Obviousely, said child is not very comfortable shmoozing with her mother about this but she is too young to keep her mouth, also. What will happen when this girl innocently tells her mother what you told her?
Think about those consequences, first.

amother

Black

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:13 pm

cinnamon wrote:

My daughter is in 5th grade she just turned ten a couple of months ago. Am I supposed to tell her about menstruation already?

Yes. If you want to be there first, that is.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:16 pm

amother wrote:

I'm wondering does your daughter's school provide any info to the students & if yes, what grade?

Coincidentally, I had just emailed our wonderful principal to ask her this, to find out when the class is taught! Then I saw your post.
To the other poster who suggested I tell the girl myself, no I don't think I should do that. I don't plan to meddle that deeply, though yes I completely disagree with the parenting strategy of not preparing a girl for this!

sequoia

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:18 pm

cinnamon wrote:

My daughter is in 5th grade she just turned ten a couple of months ago. Am I supposed to tell her about menstruation already?

Yes.

She could get it at any time and think she is dying.

amother

Orchid

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:18 pm

I'm another girl who was uninformed. When I first got my period it was a Friday night and I noticed in the bathroom during the seudah and started to scream. I thought I was dying. I'm so embarrassed now when I think about it.
But if someone would have told my mother to tell me, she would have blasted them behind their back ("what chutzpah of her to dare intrude. Etc") and she probably wouldn't have told me anything.
I vote don't say anything. But maybe talk to a school mentor/advisor/teacher about it.

imasinger

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:40 pm

I wonder if we can base advice on situations as abnormal as Black amother's.

While there is always the chance of setting off something terrible, the outside possibility of that kind of abuse might not be a good reason to deprive a girl of her right to learn from her mother how her body works.

If I am wrong, I don't suppose there is anyone who can leave an appropriate book within her reach?

LovesHashem

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:42 pm

sequoia wrote:

Yes.

She could get it at any time and think she is dying.

My DH has a brother who is a hatzlacha responder. He responded to such a call a few years ago. He kept trying to tell the girl to just talk to her mom and she was convinced she was dying. embarrassed

I know kids that have gotten it at 8, 9, and 10. At 10 I think they should know.

InnerMe

Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:50 pm

imasinger wrote:

On target Imasinger!!
And the book suggestion is great! There are many teen friendly books out there that explain the science in a simple and interesting way. But you'd need to get creative on how to do that... Perhaps a teacher wold be able to give it to her, in a sensitive way.