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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
OOTBubby
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 Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:53 pm
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Our school has always had someone (who is actually a nurse, but I don't think that is important) come to speak to the girls about this (and other developmental issues) during 5th grade.
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amother
Maroon
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 2:58 pm
| cinnamon wrote: | | My daughter is in 5th grade she just turned ten a couple of months ago. Am I supposed to tell her about menstruation already? |
Yes!!!
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amother
Bisque
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:06 pm
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I have a 5th grader and she doesn’t know. Breast development and pubic hair show up well before menstruation. If your child is developing, then sure tell her, but my kids tend to develop late. I don’t feel the need to talk about things that are not quite pertinent. Even my daughters’ school doesn’t talk about it until 6th grade.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:12 pm
| amother wrote: | | I have a 5th grader and she doesn’t know. Breast development and pubic hair show up well before menstruation. If your child is developing, then sure tell her, but my kids tend to develop late. I don’t feel the need to talk about things that are not quite pertinent. Even my daughters’ school doesn’t talk about it until 6th grade. |
No they don't always. My daughter had a well-visit the day she got her period. The doctor told her she has at least another year. She got it that night. Both my girls were pretty flat chested when they got their periods.
These issues become pertinent way before your daughter actually gets her period. It's pertinent as soon as her peers may be getting theirs, or discussing it. My kids were also late bloomers, but they knew when their peers knew.
According to Mrs. Trenk, a Torah Umesorah parenting mentor in Lakewood, you should tell your DD by age 10 at the latest.
My school didn't either talk about it until 6th grade. By that time, we considered it one big joke, and snickered our way thru the whole speech. It should be done in fifth grade, at least, and I'm glad to see some schools are getting wiser.
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InnerMe
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:12 pm
Ok, this hug business is so very annoying. Don't like what I say? Say so! What are you afraid of??
S/t I get why my post gets hugged (doesn't make it ok..) but s/t times it leaves me scratching my head. Like what could've possibly offset this hug? 
Oh, well.
Sorry to divert thread.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:14 pm
| cinnamon wrote: | | My daughter is in 5th grade she just turned ten a couple of months ago. Am I supposed to tell her about menstruation already? |
You are a few months late. Time to get going!
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tweek
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:15 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | No they don't always. My daughter had a well-visit the day she got her period. The doctor told her she has at least another year. She got it that night. Both my girls were pretty flat chested when they got their periods.
These issues become pertinent way before your daughter actually gets her period. It's pertinent as soon as her peers may be getting theirs, or discussing it. My kids were also late bloomers, but they knew when their peers knew.
According to Mrs. Trenk, a Torah Umesorah parenting mentor in Lakewood, you should tell your DD by age 10 at the latest.
My school didn't either talk about it until 6th grade. By that time, we considered it one big joke, and snickered our way thru the whole speech. It should be done in fifth grade, at least, and I'm glad to see some schools are getting wiser. |
Chaya'la, I just wanted you to know that you have written this story about your dd before and it encouraged me to tell dd earlier than I would have. Until then everyone said to wait for signs of development. So thank you and keep telling the story!
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Chayalle
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 3:19 pm
| tweek wrote: | | Chaya'la, I just wanted you to know that you have written this story about your dd before and it encouraged me to tell dd earlier than I would have. Until then everyone said to wait for signs of development. So thank you and keep telling the story! |
Just FYI....we try so hard to make this all pleasant for our kids. My DD had a doctor's visit in the morning...and then went on a trip with friends...and got her period on the trip. It was awful, and I felt so bad...because she had nothing with her - she wasn't supposed to get it for another year at least, right? Totally flat, no signs, etc...so much for that.
At least she didn't think she was dying, and she knew what it was.
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amother
Chocolate
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 6:17 pm
| cinnamon wrote: | | My daughter is in 5th grade she just turned ten a couple of months ago. Am I supposed to tell her about menstruation already? |
Yes!
I got my period in 5th grade and I freaked out because I had no idea what was happening to me. My mother didn't think to discuss periods so early and my school didn't have that class until 6th grade. You can be sure I had the talk(s) with my daughter when she turned 9 even though she didn't show any signs of developing yet.
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amother
Coral
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Mon, Oct 02 2017, 6:21 pm
| amother wrote: | Obviousely, said child is not very comfortable shmoozing with her mother about this but she is too young to keep her mouth, also. What will happen when this girl innocently tells her mother what you told her?
Think about those consequences, first. |
I would go so far as to say, if she would be beaten for talking about that with her mom, she should be removed from her home, that's an abusive sick parent. What is she going to do when she gets it and needs pads or tampons?
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amother
Mauve
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 7:59 am
| DrMom wrote: | It seems pretty vital to let a girl of that age know about this topic.
[b]I assume the mother doesn't want her daughter to start one day and not have any idea why. (!)[b] |
Yup that was me. I thought I'm going to die.
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 8:10 am
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my DD is 9. I think she would die if she heard about it now already. I hope she is more mature by 10 or can handle it. any advice how to give it over?
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amother
Khaki
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 8:43 am
OP here. I spoke to the principal and the class is scheduled to be taught after yom tov so the timing is good. I'm glad I don't have to decide whether or not step in where I may not be wanted.
To the point of sharing a book with the girl, I did think of that and would leave it where she could see if she ever came over for playdates. However she's not that close with my daughter that she comes over, but if the situation came up then I would be ok with that in this particular instance (even though normally I would never teach a child outside my own family this info, I feel that's up to the parents).
In answer to the previous poster asking about how to talk to your daughter, the book I used with my daughter is the American Girls one, I can't recall the title right now. I picked it up at Barnes and Noble. There are a few different ones in the series that are geared towards different ages. Also even before I got her the book I just told her about it in a matter of fact way; I'm in the medical profession and specialize in women's health anyway and very comfortable with bodily functions and biology so it wasn't so hard for us to discuss.
Even though my DD is not showing signs of puberty either, I told her everything (about menses AND about procreation) last year when I knew her friends and cousins were learning. I wanted to give over the information myself and not have her hear it the first time from peers. She was/is under strict orders to not discuss with younger kids and those who don't know and she takes that seriously. So I think that the decision about when to tell has to take into account the child's personality, her development (physical and emotional) AND what her peers know.
To the poster who got hugged, I have no idea! I still don't understand using the Hug button as a passive aggressive move, I only click it when I actually feel for the person! Maybe someone hit it by accident while scrolling on their phone?
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amother
Black
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 8:55 am
| amother wrote: | OP here. I spoke to the principal and the class is scheduled to be taught after yom tov so the timing is good. I'm glad I don't have to decide whether or not step in where I may not be wanted.
To the point of sharing a book with the girl, I did think of that and would leave it where she could see if she ever came over for playdates. However she's not that close with my daughter that she comes over, but if the situation came up then I would be ok with that in this particular instance (even though normally I would never teach a child outside my own family this info, I feel that's up to the parents).
In answer to the previous poster asking about how to talk to your daughter, the book I used with my daughter is the American Girls one, I can't recall the title right now. I picked it up at Barnes and Noble. There are a few different ones in the series that are geared towards different ages. Also even before I got her the book I just told her about it in a matter of fact way; I'm in the medical profession and specialize in women's health anyway and very comfortable with bodily functions and biology so it wasn't so hard for us to discuss.
Even though my DD is not showing signs of puberty either, I told her everything (about menses AND about procreation) last year when I knew her friends and cousins were learning. I wanted to give over the information myself and not have her hear it the first time from peers. She was/is under strict orders to not discuss with younger kids and those who don't know and she takes that seriously. So I think that the decision about when to tell has to take into account the child's personality, her development (physical and emotional) AND what her peers know.
To the poster who got hugged, I have no idea! I still don't understand using the Hug button as a passive aggressive move, I only click it when I actually feel for the person! Maybe someone hit it by accident while scrolling on their phone? |
Being a proffessional would put you in a different catagory with my parents. They would be fuming but they would feel more powerless to argue with you than with a plain neighbor down the block.
I like that you take into account 'what her peers know'. I believe so too.
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imasoftov
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 9:16 am
| amother wrote: | | So, my 6th grade daughter just told me that a friend of hers who's in 5th grade has been asking her and some other friends what menstruation is. My daughter told her that she should ask her mother and would not give her any info (so proud of her!) |
I think I'd be proud of a child who did share what she knew, on condition that it was accurate.
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InnerMe
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 10:18 am
I'm so happy for you it worked out smoothly.
I love the way you handled this in a levelheaded and delicate way.
And another vote for the American Girl books. They are awesome. There are a few in the series- teaching about body hygiene, taking care of your feelings.. etc. They are illustrated and written in a way that speaks to tweens.
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amother
Khaki
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 10:31 am
| imasoftov wrote: | | I think I'd be proud of a child who did share what she knew, on condition that it was accurate. |
I'm proud of my daughter that she listened to my original instructions to not share the information with children who didn't know. Many parents in our school would not appreciate their children picking up this type of information from other students.
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amother
Coral
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 12:17 pm
| amother wrote: | | I'm proud of my daughter that she listened to my original instructions to not share the information with children who didn't know. Many parents in our school would not appreciate their children picking up this type of information from other students. |
about periods, seriously? Those parents have serious issues if they would be upset that a 5th grader heard about it from someone else.
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amother
Goldenrod
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 12:23 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | No they don't always. My daughter had a well-visit the day she got her period. The doctor told her she has at least another year. She got it that night. Both my girls were pretty flat chested when they got their periods.
These issues become pertinent way before your daughter actually gets her period. It's pertinent as soon as her peers may be getting theirs, or discussing it. My kids were also late bloomers, but they knew when their peers knew.
According to Mrs. Trenk, a Torah Umesorah parenting mentor in Lakewood, you should tell your DD by age 10 at the latest.
My school didn't either talk about it until 6th grade. By that time, we considered it one big joke, and snickered our way thru the whole speech. It should be done in fifth grade, at least, and I'm glad to see some schools are getting wiser. |
What age did u tell them abt pro creation?
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Chayalle
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Tue, Oct 03 2017, 2:48 pm
| amother wrote: | | What age did u tell them abt pro creation? |
Depends on kid...my oldest asked me a few questions about how children resemble their father, when she was in 7th grade. I answered her with the basics of procreation, when I realized that was what she was really asking.
My next one asked me when she was closer to high school.
I would make sure they know by then, or they will end up looking or even worse, sounding really naive if certain topics come up in class. My girls have told me of girls who obviously didn't know, who asked some really embarrassing questions.
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