Worst parenting day ever and I hate myself

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Azure

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 4:54 pm

I think I was borderline abusive to my kids today. I screamed very loud a few times. I pushed one kid. I ripped off one kid's shoes when he refused to get dressed. I feel horrible. I am sick and the kids were especially chutzpadik/non cooperative and there was no school...but that's no excuse. I just lost it.
One of my sons is more fragile than the rest and was really sad and before bed. I had a long conversation with him and apologized. He is 3. He said, "mommy, if you do that then I can't like you. You can never do that again, because I am important. It makes me want to hit you again and again." My heart was crushed and I hated myself. I said, "I know. It wasn't right that I did that. I got angry because you weren't listening to me at all. I am going to try to talk more gentle to you, and you try to listen more." I didn't talk to my other kids because they were being so annoying I couldn't even muster up energy to talk civil to them. I feel like a failure and I am picturing my kids forever scarred by this terrible day...or having to do EMDR as 30 year olds on that day when mommy lost it...
I am scared I might do it again. In general I am a very patient, loving, present mom. I rarely scream. I am flexible and not uptight. But my kids are going through this independent/test the limits thing and it is just pressing all the wrong buttons.
tell me we will all be ok.

amother

Teal

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:02 pm

Sundays can be rough.

justforfun87

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:04 pm

I could of wrote this word by word but it was Shabbos. Worst part of all was my FIL was in town so every yell I cringed as he probably thinks I am a disaster as both mom and housekeeper.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:11 pm

Tonight is another night.
Tomorrow is another day.
You will do better tomorrow.
Give yourself some hugs. Being a mother is tough.

keym

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:15 pm

Try to take away one easy bite size lesson from today. Maybe a mantra of I will not yell I will not yell.
If you could take one thing then dont beat yourself. Tomorrow is another way. Tomorrow youll do better.

amother

Oak

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:17 pm

I had a "bad mommy time" shabbos morning feeling borderline abusive...and a "great mommy time" shabbos afternoon. You know what, when I said something to my dd about how I hope tomorrow would be better she was just like but today was awesome. When I reminded her about the morning, she was like oh right, totally forgot about that. Some might say it affected her subconsciously, who knows but at least consciously she was going to sleep feeling happy and loved.

I think we have to work on having less bad mommy moments when we behave in ways that we hate ourselves but we also have to look at the bigger picture- overall how is our relationship? If overall it's good then that's hopefully what our children will remember. At least that's what I tell myself so I keep working to improve instead of just throwing in the towel!
Good luck!

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:34 pm

If it's any comfort, you're not alone, I've been having many bad parenting days lately, so I know how you feel. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to help matters but not making much progress and feeling very down about it all.

simba

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 5:36 pm

I'm sorry. Some days are just not fair to us mommies. I'll admit it, some days I cry once my kids are asleep. Daven to Hashem for the strength to do this ever daunting task called child rearing. Tomorrow is a clean page, enjoy it.

amother

Gray

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 6:01 pm

Don't give yourself hate for being in this situation.
The more you forgive yourself the better you'll change the mood of the situation in your house.
Anyone can lose it once in a while.
Your 3 year old is very expressive.
His comment must've set your heart off.
Most kids I know probably feel the same but don't express it like that.
You're kids are gonna grow up healthy and happy I"yh.
It's good that your apologized to your 3 year old, and give yourself time to apologize to the rest.
We all make mistakes...
Go on...

Also don't forget to take care of your kid's mommy. She probably needs a break.

amother

Oak

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 6:12 pm

also a therapist once told me that if your kid feels safe to get mad at you like that it's a good sign Wink

Debbig

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 6:13 pm

Don’t hate yourself.
We all have bad days.
You realize what happened you started apologizing tomorrow is a new day.
I know exactly how you feel I think almost every mother or father can say been there done that.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t a wonderful mother. It means you human!!
I really hope you find it in you to forgive yourself & try either tonight or tomorrow to do something for yourself. Go get a manicure, go buy yourself a treat or just go for a walk.

dr. pepper

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 8:26 pm

amother wrote:

also a therapist once told me that if your kid feels safe to get mad at you like that it's a good sign Wink

What a great line!
Op....your three year old sounds amazing! So self aware and articulate! I don't think my 7 year old could do that.

Tomorrow is another day. Just keep moving along with a commitment to keep doing better.
BTDT

amother

Blue

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 9:13 pm

Op, this is probably not the last time this will happen.
It happens to the best of us. We’re human.

Learn from your mistakes and move on.
If you can apologize and talk to your kids, that would be great.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 11:34 pm

I've been in therapy for a while to get to where your 3 year old is, that I can say "Mommy please don't treat me that way, I don't appreciate it." And now I've cut down on therapy, because boundaries are really the most important thing. Assuming you didn't respond with "how dare you speak to me that way," and have committed to improving yourself in a realistic way, you'll be FINE Very Happy

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