Teacher asking what the girls did over mid winter break

DrMom

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 10:47 am

I don't see what the big deal is. It was very common to back when I was in elementary school to write an essay or get up and speak in front of the class and talk about "what I did on my summer vacation." It doesn't have to be something exotic or fancy. It can be anything from "my trip to Ecuador" to "my new paper route" to "how I learned to swim" to "I made new friends who don't go to my school," etc.

It's ridiculous that nobody can talk about any vacation activity for fear of "triggering" those who did not spend it in luxury.

rachel0615

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 10:55 am

I'm a teacher and I really do not agree with this Op. Kids need to learn that we all have different life circumstances and how to be happy for others. By avoiding this reality, we are makijg their eventual realization that others have things they dont have even more painful and traumatic.

In my k class, I have kids at all diff levels of reading. Whenever a kid goes up a level, we all celebrate that child's accomplishment bc thats what it means to be in a community.

Tech_mom

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 11:42 am

My son's math teacher (6th grade, departmental) who is also a rebbe in the morning went around the classroom and asked every boy what he did on vacation. I thought it was a nosy and would definitely cause jealousy. (We didn't go anywhere: have a new baby, mom has to work and money is tight!) I would like to believe it was just lack of good judgment. Trying to be dan lchaf zechus in this case is a stretch. This isn't English class where there is any verbal expression being taught.

Well, I called the principal and respectfully told them. To his credit, he agreed and would put it out to the teachers.

thunderstorm

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 11:51 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I didn't realize this was a thing.

When I was in grade school and high school, the English teachers had us write a paragraph or two (depending on age) telling about our vacations. Nothing was ever read out loud in class. It was always a writing assignment.

I experienced the same. Then after writing we read it out loud to the class. It was part of learning .

Fox

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:08 pm

This is really where our schools suffer from a lack of leadership and mentoring.

I have seen innumerable cases where teachers stumbled into landmines because they didn't have anyone to point out potential problems. For example, I recall seeing a wonderful genealogy project displayed in the hallway of my DDs' elementary school. However, it laid everyone's yichus bare for all to see, including that of a number of gerim and baalei tshuva in the community. Embarrassing such an individual, especially publicly, isn't just a faux pas, it's an aveira.

While there is no reason for kids to hide a vacation, teachers can direct the conversation in ways to maximize the values they're trying to teach. "Write a paragraph about when you saw someone during your vacation doing an act of chesed with true leiv b'simcha" or "Tell us about an example of Hashem's miraculous creations that you witnessed or noticed during your break."

In fact, a teacher might even announce ahead of the vacation that students should look for examples that illustrate particular p'sukim or other material relevant to what they are studying. English teachers can do the same.

As a teacher, you must always remember not to ask questions to which you might not want the answers. "What did you do over winter break?" is entirely too vague. Forget Florida or Mediterranean cruises. Do you really want little Chani or Chaim to stand up and say matter-of-factly, "Well, we didn't really do anything because my mom had the flu, but it turns out she's probably pregnant, and she's crying all the time because our baby is only 4 months old and my dad is pretty upset, too."

Edited: Cross-posted with Miri7

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:14 pm

Op here, my daughter that was asked is 10. Preschool kids is different in my opinion, they talk about everything and they are happy for each other but as the kids grow older they become more insecure and the competition is greater.
This was a hebrew teacher that asked but I can hear the idea of writing up an essay for the teacher herself to read/mark.
My daughter was under pressure to have to answer.
Children do grow up knowing that everyone has a different life and we dont all get the same things. Many things stare them in the face daily but vacation I feel is different. One child can be so happy with her trip to chuck e cheese till they hear some ideas that never entered their minds and dont need to be discussed.
My sons Rebbi was curious and he called him up and asked him privately (also wrong but at least not in front of the class)

amother

Puce

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:21 pm

rachel0615 wrote:

I agree with you. By constantly protecting our kids about real life, we are only hurting them, not helping them. It's important to learn from early on that everyone is dealt different circumstances and teach them how to deal with it. If they don't learn how to handle the emotional and mental aspect that some people seem to have a better set of circumstances than them, how will they handle it when they are adults?

Following this train of thought, I have issues with all the 'takunos' put in place for bar mitzvahs and other similar events. What's wrong with a 13 year old boy being exposed to the facts of life, that some people have more and some people have less?. They should be taught from early on, how to work with their given circumstances and not expect everyone to adjust to them.

With that being said, childhood is an equally important time to teach children not to brag or boast about their set of circumstances. So a situation like this, (discussing mid winter vacation) can actually be a great learning experience for everyone. Those who have had the opportunity to go to some exotic place can learn how to talk about it humbly. Those who haven't, can learn how to accept their circumstances. Childhood is the ideal time to acquire these skills.

BasMelech120

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:25 pm

Here's an idea that I would do with students:
Ask them to name a 'feeling' they had during mid-winter break, and if they want, they can share what led to the feeling.
One girl might say, "I was feeling 'happy' because I went to Florida".
And another girl might say, "I was feeling jealous and sad because I didn't get to go to Florida".

Of course, it may not play out exactly like this, but it gives students a chance to feel 'equal' in the sense that 'we all have feelings'.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:32 pm

Fox wrote:

As a teacher, you must always remember not to ask questions to which you might not want the answers. "What did you do over winter break?" is entirely too vague. Forget Florida or Mediterranean cruises. Do you really want little Chani or Chaim to stand up and say matter-of-factly, "Well, we didn't really do anything because my mom had the flu, but it turns out she's probably pregnant, and she's crying all the time because our baby is only 4 months old and my dad is pretty upset, too."

Edited: Cross-posted with Miri7

This just makes me laugh. We weren’t going away in any case, but my kids had a miserable vacation. I was sick for my kids’ entire time off. I am also very visibly pregnant. I feel bad for my kids, but you can’t just go on activities while having what I have. I’d be too afraid to start a citywide epidemic.

Fox

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:38 pm

amother wrote:

I feel bad for my kids, but you can’t just go on activities while having what I have. I’d be too afraid to start a citywide epidemic.

Lol, and the poor mom who isn't pregnant but just has the flu? "We didn't do anything this vacation because my mom was throwing up the whole time." Within about 36 hours, the phone will be ringing off the hook: "B'shah tovah! When are you due?" Her own mother will be kvetching, "You're expecting? And you didn't tell me? I had to hear from my neighbor, whose granddaughter is in Malkie's class?"

I never taught the primary grades, but I taught junior high and high school, and it's alarming the degree to which "TMI" has no meaning once they all start braying out their stories!

Mamushka

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 1:03 pm

Honestly, I have learned a long time ago that going to fancy hotels doesn't necessarily mean you have a better life. It's a different life style. This is what I teach my kids. Having fun as a family, is possible everywhere. Doesn't have to be in a hotel.
One of our best outings as a family was a close playground. Everyone came. Little ones and teens. I have no idea how we did it, but everyone was happy.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 4:46 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with every word you said. Especially your line about how many things stare them in the face daily but vacation is different. Imagine a child having to give over about her vacation of baking cookies and going to the park, right after a girl shares about flying out to some exotic island. I remember vividly being in elementary or middle school and having teachers go up and down the rows asking what we did. For what!? what did it accomplish?
In my opinion these teachers are simply not thinking. They also must have never experienced the embarrassment of being the one who did nothing over vacation.

amother

Copper

Thu, Feb 01 2018, 5:02 pm

To keep track of who flew off on vacation while on tuition scholarship AND to cross check that against the scholarship application to see if the parents report that when asked if they take trips, or if they are dishonest.

I like the idea of asking what was your one favorite thing you did over vacation. My kids said go on a real city bus.