Do you return a MM to each person who gives

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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amother

Beige

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:31 am

If someone gives you a Mishloach Manot, and you had not prepared for them do you just say thank you or do you feel like you need to give them one in return?

allthingsblue

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:32 am

I definitely give them in return. I prepare extras for this reason.

animeme

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:36 am

We give. I make some extras, and if I use them up, I throw together a couple more in case, even if they are different.

doctorima

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:39 am

We also prepare extras for this purpose. If somebody went out of their way to bring me one, I feel it's rude not to reciprocate. They don't have to know that they weren't on my original "list," but they shouldn't leave feeling like I don't want to give them even after they made the effort to come.

watergirl

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:54 am

Absolutely. Its a lonley an slightly embarrassing walk back to the car when you hand someone mm and they dont reciprocate. Of course I know thats not the point and I did my mitzvah. But I dont want to cause anyone to feel what I feel so I have a bunch of extras the I keep by my door. I make 16 mm and have only 6-10 on my list. When my kids hop out of the car to give a friend, I remind them not to stand there waiting for one back but theres still a twinge lf dissapointment.

Simple1

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 7:57 am

Yes. It's a human instinct to want to reciprocate. And what water girl and others said. The point of this mitzva is to increase friendship and to create good feelings that go both ways.

abound

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:00 am

Def give back, I make extras and as MM come in, I repackage so I can have even more extra.

watergirl

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:03 am

Simple1 wrote:

Yes. It's a human instinct to want to reciprocate. And what water girl and others said. The point of this mitzva is to increase friendship and to create good feelings that go both ways.

Yes and having said that, people have said to me “oh I didnt make one for you”. Its all good. When someone comes to me and I dont have anything left (almost never happens but it has once or twice), I say “omg so funny, my husband is literally on the way to your house right now!” And then call him and tell him to go there. There’s a way to save hurt feelings people! On the other hand, one time a person told me that they didn’t have one for me (I brought to her becaus I wanted to extend friendship and we were only acquaintances at that point. The day after Purim she called to invite us for shabbos. Now she is one of my closest friends and neighbors! So mission: accomplished!

Metukah

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:05 am

Off course. How hurtful would it be to the person giving if they don't get one back. I make plenty spares, if it'd still mot enough I use the ones I prepared for my siblings. They're happy to give theirs up.

33055

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:05 am

We make extras. We give it our best guess. And sometimes it is not enough. I have become expert at the quick assemble.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:11 am

Towards the end of the day when we leave to Seuda we take the rest with us and always run out - between family and friends we bump into.. and I just say I ran out.. what am I supposed to do, there’s a limit to the ridiculous amounts I have to make as it is.

simcha2

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:13 am

We give far more than I expect to get back. We love Purim and mm and love giving them. Definitely don't do it for the return.

Teomima

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:17 am

Like others have said, I make extra so I always have one to give to someone unexpected. When we're out for seudah, I leave a "give/take" box outside my door so even if someone drops one off unexpectedly while I'm not home, they can still get one in return.

lfab

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:20 am

Yes, I give to anyone who comes to my door. How insulting to let someone walk away from your home empty handed. I even prepare a bag of random snacks/treats so if one of us is out with the kids giving out mm and a friend we're on the way to stops by we can tell them that we are on the way to drop off at their house but they can pick something from the bag for now. This way they don't feel they gave and got nothing in return. Once kids are a little older they understand that they will get theirs but for little kids they feel bad if they don't get something right there in return. Also, if someone has a younger sibling along with them they can pick something so they don't feel left out. We really don't get many people coming so it's not too hard for me to calculate how many we are likely to need. Still, I always make a few extra just in case.

SuperWify

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:21 am

DUH.

It would be very rude not to.

For this reason I make 25 MM and the 5 “special” ones that I make are the only ones that I chesbon. The 20 is for whoever comes or we go to- Purim is a hectic day and even though there are many people I would love to see it never goes as plans....

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:27 am

I prepare a few extras every year. I had surprises every year. Sometimes friends from Lakewood come in and sometines not. Last year an old workmate came by....

Notsobusy

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:27 am

We also make extras. It's pretty much missing the whole point of mishloach manos if you let someone walk away empty handed.

amother

Orange

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:30 am

I HATE PURIM. Due to the nature of both my husbands and my own job, we can hundreds of elaborate nishiach Manos which I have nothing to do with . I buy bags and spend hours reassembling for people that show up as I can't regift these elaborate pieces. At some point I lock my door and let them leave it at the door and don't reciprocate at that point pretending not to be home. I just can't keep up. This year I think I'm checking out and going to in-laws out of town.

thunderstorm

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:31 am

Looks like I'm the odd one out on this one. I prepare a few shalach manos. If I have an unexpected visitor, it is usually someone that is coming to personally wish me a Happy Purim and wants to see my face, not necessarily hand me their basket. If their kids drop off the basket, I'll give the kid a nosh and Purim gelt. But I value relationships over the shalach manos. When someone comes special to see me, I make them comfortable in my home, I offer them food and I shmooze with them. They know I'm genuine. So if I send them away without a shalach manos, they are not hurt , they are happy we got to see each other and share in the joy of the day. That is more important than anything.
In my world , people understand that you didn't make 50 shalach manos. I make 10 and stick to my 10 no matter what.
I've made surprise visits to friends of mine on Purim too, and they haven't returned shalach manos to me either. I went to say HI , I didn't go to get something back.
Sometimes I deliver 10 shalach manos and come back home with 2. There is nothing wrong with that .

Iymnok

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:34 am

The mitzvah is to give two foods to one person.
Not to give to anyone who gives to you.
That’s the beauty of community ones, your name is on the enclosed list.
(I think I’ll suggest it to the local kupa ha'ir for next year)

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