Do you return a MM to each person who gives

thunderstorm

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:40 am

Notsobusy wrote:

We also make extras. It's pretty much missing the whole point of mishloach manos if you let someone walk away empty handed.

if that was the point in mishloach manos than the Halacha wouldn't be to give to one person two minim. It would be give to whoever has given you.

watergirl

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:54 am

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

if that was the point in mishloach manos than the Halacha wouldn't be to give to one person two minim. It would be give to whoever has given you.

The halacha is there in the first place to extend good will. Letting someone walk away feeling bad does not do this. Of course no one gives in order to get. But we are a nation of rachmanim and chessed and kindness. Why potentially hurt someones feelings, when its so easy to avoid by making 10 extra bags of taffy and chips?

Mayflower

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 8:59 am

I always try to give back but if I don't have anything left / can't regift, I just thank them for coming with a big smile...

Personally, I much prefer someone to just say "wow so nice of you to bring MM" with a smile and not give back than to see someone quickly scrambling together a MM they clearly didn't prepare/intend for me.

weasley

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:22 am

Mayflower wrote:

This exactly.

Also I really don't like this whole exchanging foods situation Purim has come to.
Yes we give to create friendships but when I bake cookies on a Friday and send to my neighbor to create friendship. I dont expect her to give me something back and she's not going to start rummaging in her cupboard to quickly give something in exchange.

lfab

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:42 am

watergirl wrote:

If you prepare some extra mm, there is no reason to scramble and throw something together with an awkward and obvious pause. Seriously. Are people being intentionally obtuse? A bit of seichel goes a long way.

I prepare a few extra ahead of time just in case. But if I see I'm running low during the day I quickly put together a few more using items I either received or have in the house. I don't wait until I'm down to nothing and there's someone standing at the door watching me scramble to put something together. If I need them great and if not I just disassemble later that night.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:43 am

I think it depends. I make extra, but there's just so much I can do. If I run out of mm, if I can I'll recycle. If someone brings me mm while I was out and leaves it at my door, and I don't have time to go to them when I come back and they weren't on my list, or I just didn't make it there that Purim....I will call after Purim and thank them for the beautiful mm and apologize for not making it to them, such is the day and the traffic that you just can't do it all.

I made 50 family mm, and 30 kiddie ones, and 25 teens (those are same as family ones, but with an iced coffee instead of a shnapps). It's enough. I gotta stop somewhere.

watergirl

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:43 am

lfab wrote:

Exactly. Why are people saying that they scramble to throw something together?

etky

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:47 am

weasley wrote:

The social awkardness engendered by MM is the most difficult aspect of Purim for me.
I always make many extras so that I have something to give to unexpected people at the door.
That's the least of it though.
The worst thing is deciding who to drop from previous years lists and who to add.
Both decisions can be awkward if the other party hasn't thought along similar lines to you.
I've found that people can be funny about MM.
Some people really don't want to get from anyone who hasn't been on their list for the past 10 years. You can't know that though until you actually come to their door to give to them. You can tell that it's almost an imposition - it'a obvious that they feel put on the spot. It's embarrasing for both parties when someone asks you to wait while they rush into the kitchen to quickly improvise something.
Then there's the deliberation over when and whether to go out on rounds or to wait at home and see who shows up.
Then there are the people you meet while out on your rounds who you haven't taken into account. I always give DH and the kids extras to take on their rounds too to cover that situation.

Mayflower

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:49 am

I personally don't scramble, but it happened to me more than once, and it's very awkward to stand by the door waiting ...

I always try to keep a few extras, and as others said, when running low, put together a few more. But it's such a busy and hectic day, it happens I don't have any left at some point.

etky

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 9:50 am

lfab wrote:

That's what I do too.
DH and the kids laugh at me for trying to be too much in control with my lists and constant assessing of what's come in and what's gone out.
I rather that then surrender to chaos and as a result have someone stand, embarrased, at my door.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:01 am

I've been making over 100 for the last several years. I stopped themed/home-baked MM for this very reason - because my DH knows the entire world, wherever we go on Purim he's bound to run into loads of people we know and I ran out every year. It's worth it for me to spend extra time and $$ (though the ones I make now are actually cheaper than some of the themed ones I used to make) to avoid embarrassing anyone or making them feel bad. We usually have a couple of leftovers but it's all stuff that we like to eat, so no big deal.

My kids also make a couple of extras in addition to the MM they make for their friends, because there's always that unexpected kid from down the block who's not exactly a friend but comes along with his/her parents and brings a kid MM for my kid. When we run out of those (and they are themed), I keep a big bag of good lollipops on hand to give to those kids.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:07 am

amother wrote:

Similar, and my mm are simple but I make alot, and lots of kiddie ones, and extra soda cans on hand that I can use to recycle with other nosh should I need more. DH also does alot of tutoring and most of his "students" come - I give kiddie ones to those under bar mitzvah, and teen ones to the bigger kids....

amother

Lavender

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:21 am

Can we be honest here?

When someone comes and brings MM your mind processes what to do next.

If youre Machshiv the person and your relationship with them, you will either give them a MM or apologize profusely that you ran out of MM.

If youre not Machshiv the person and your relationship with them, youll say "Thank You".

You cant gauge the feelings people have for you if they return a MM, but you can gauge the feelings they have for you if they dont return one and dont apologize profusely, and dont give you first the following year.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

You cant gauge the feelings people have for you if they return a MM, but you can gauge the feelings they have for you if they dont return one and dont apologize profusely, and dont give you first the following year.

Are you serious?

I guess everyone is different, but personally I don't psychoanalyze other people's response to my bringing them mm - I don't need to gauge their feelings for me, whether they apologized profusely enough, and whether they remember about it a full year later and build their whole Purim schedule around me.

MM is supposed to be about giving - not about receiving.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:38 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes, you have to focus on giving, but it would be foolish to think no one is sensitive.

Realistically, many or most people are sensitive.

Im sure feelings are hurt every Purim because of not getting back MM, after giving.

If youre going on the premise that no one is sensitive, why not just give MM to the people you really like?

ra_mom

Tue, Feb 27 2018, 10:42 am

Yes. There are usually a few people who are kind of up in the air that I don't know if I'll see on Purim or not. I prepare MM for them anyway and it usually evens out because some people I counted on I don't end up seeing, and others that I didn't expect, I do end up seeing and giving to.