Purim is so depressing

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 7:08 pm

My childhood was like ur purim. No need to go in to the painful details. Today I'm a happy confident fun person to be around.
Dont let this be ur fate....waiting for the world to be nicer!! Go out there like you're the coolest on the planet! Give compliments to others...take note of their needs... U can be sure ppl will start to gravitate toward u.
Ppl love ppl that are into other...noone likes the pity party. Not judging u in any way just think maybe u should try a more proactive approach

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 8:06 pm

I hear you...I also do not receive a lot of mishloach manos- maybe 1 or 2 people will knock on my door, and one of them is my brother. I have friends in the area, but I'm just not one of those "cool" "it" people that everyone wants to make sure to give to. I make a few mishloach manos to deliver to a few local friends, make sure my kids get to give a few friends and leave the neighborhood to go to family for the seudah to make sure we have simcha either way. I totally relate to that feeling though of noone knocking on the door.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 8:31 pm

I am horrified!! Bn I will make sure to go to 3 people tomorrow who might not be getting lots of MM. I make sure my kids give to two of the least popular kids in their classes, because really, MM is not about affirming your existing friendships. But in all the chaos, I never really give out MM past my block / people at the party.

amother

Teal

Wed, Feb 28 2018, 10:16 pm

If you live in Monsey would love to give you shaloch monos.

What I do find depressing is all the groups that go house to house collecting and skip my house because we aren't on their list this year because we can't give like we used to.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:40 am

amother wrote:

This is helpful. I'm the OP of the 'problems socializing' post and I know the pity party is perpetuating the problem. It's hard to change direction. Needless to say I don't get any MM either.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:59 am

amother wrote:

This is helpful. I'm the OP of the 'problems socializing' post and I know the pity party is perpetuating the problem. It's hard to change direction. Needless to say I don't get any MM either.

I experienced something different last night. I am ill and in pain. I was definitely having a pity party of my own. I was not smiling.

Usually when I go places, people gravitate to me - even strangers. A couple of my friends said hello, but I wasn't up to chatting until I sat. The ladies on either side of me and the ones nearby politely responded to my small talk, but that was it. They didn't perpetuate the conversation, and neither did I.

If I didn't know how different I was last night, I would have thought they were the snottiest people ever. It was totally me.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 9:00 am

Yeah...well I could never be sure but I have a hard time believing OP is outgoing and joyful... Although I do believe her neighbors could be snobby making it that much harder...ppl that are in a happy place internally tend to adjust better. It's easy to blame harder to change...
But hugs to u and op as it IS a challenge nonetheless...

amother

Pink

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 12:22 pm

In this world we don't wait for people to be forthcoming we have to go out there especially to the elderly and lonely and invite lonely people to your seuda and just don't wait for anyone like this you'll have ang exciting Purim

Jeanette

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

This is called twisting the knife.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 2:44 pm

Jeanette wrote:

This is called twisting the knife.

I don't think so. I think Aubergine had very good advice. If people aren't responding to you in a good way, maybe you should alter your behavior.

I was not hurt that I was not the life of the party last night. But I would be hurt if this was an every day experience. There was something about ME that had strangers not engaging in the regular social dance with ME.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

100%! However I appreciate helping myself when something isn't working out for me. I just assumed OP may want to change things

amother

Jade

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 4:26 pm

imasinger wrote:

Maybe if people are giving to those who wouldn't think to come to them, they're giving to the wrong people?

Moods change as thoughts change. If we can focus on the act of giving where it will be appreciated, then it's much easier to feel good.

We give to kids' classmates and teachers, to those who might not have many people sending, and to our closest neighbors and friends. Zehu.

Popularity contests are for middle school.

I do the same. I stopped killing myself to give to people who don’t care. I make for my kids’ teachers, for the handful of friends that will actually come to my house, and smaller ones for my kids’ friends. We have a busy day despite being unpopular. We have a solitary seudah without drunk people, but with good food.

Jeanette

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 6:39 pm

amother wrote:

Many people on this thread gave good advice. However, it's important to keep in mind that it's a matter of good fortune to be surrounded by people who appreciate and respect you. Not everyone is born with a sunny and outgoing personality and there's not necessarily something wrong with you if you normally fly under the radar. On normal days we may be busy living our lives and don't necessarily sense that we're lacking close friends. A day like Purim brings it into focus. It's hurtful to imply that it's the OPs fault.

What if someone had posted that Purim is a sad day for them because they have no money to pay for mishloach manos and a Purim seuda, and someone said, "I bet you're not as smart and hardworking as the people who can afford these things." Would you consider that helpful?

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 6:40 pm

My kids hate purim because we are alone for the seuda every year. All my sibs are busy partying with the other side of ther families. We invited them but they'd rather go where its more fun.

So here we are alone. They will have to hear about all the fun their friends are having.

Vent over.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 7:21 pm

amother wrote:

I really like how you put this. It made me rethink who I give to (mostly neighbors and friends who don't need my MM to affirm our friendship).....and who I should be really giving to.
I gave to those who came to my house and then all the rest I gave to those who I think probably do not get many MM, if any.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:16 pm

Jeanette wrote:

I hear. That IS a point. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I probably should not talk. I'm a happy person who hates socializing so I wouldn't know...

giselle

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 9:28 pm

Jeanette wrote:

Unfortunately people have posted things like that on this site