S/o non driver thread - internet g$y

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:01 pm

The non driver asking for a ride to Manhattan reminded me of a similar situation which I’m not sure how to respond.
I got my son cute cheap Shabbos shoes on Amazon. My sister in law saw them and asked me if I can buy them for her since she doesnt have internet access. She called me later with her kids shoe sizes and her neighbors sons size too. I was a little surprised she gave me her neighbors too but whatever I’m a nice person and she asks me twice a year to buy something online I can do it
She texts me today that the shoes don’t fit and if I can please fax her a return label and she gave me new sizes to buy for her and the neighbor. The neighbor bit is really annoying me. I should text her that I don’t mind getting her stuff but no more neighbors please. But then seriously I’m on the Amazon page anyway why can’t I be nice and order two more for the neighbor.....but this whole internet g$y thing bothers me...but it’s only 2 3 times a year. Do I say something or not?

amother

Copper

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:13 pm

sallytd wrote:

If it's not taking up too much time why not do a mitzvah? Yah it may feel a bit annoying and somewhat like you're being taken advantage of.. but always better to be on the giving end..

Great sentiment, but if op is feeling resentful, it's time for her to learn to respectfully set limits.

amother

Copper

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:15 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I had a woman on my block ask me to use my internet. She spent hours literally ordering photos while sitting at my kitchen table.
Some people just take advantage .

Maybe it's not about people taking advantage. Maybe it's about us not listening to our initial instincts when it feels too much for us.

giselle

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:31 pm

sallytd wrote:

If it's not taking up too much time why not do a mitzvah? Yah it may feel a bit annoying and somewhat like you're being taken advantage of.. but always better to be on the giving end..

A mitzva by doing what they consider an avera? Scratching Head

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:37 pm

giselle wrote:

A mitzva by doing what they consider an avera? Scratching Head

I have internet now because I need it for work. And I have many other sites open at the same time.

However, I may stop my job soon (for other considerations) and then will seriously consider getting rid of it.

I don't think it's an aveira to have it at all (and yes, I now often use it to help people who don't have access), yet I feel that if I can do without it at our fingertips then it will be better for my family if we no longer have it at home.

There are many shades of gray in between.

thunderstorm

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:39 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

By now my family & friends know that I don't order anything for anyone. In Brooklyn there are internet kiosks which you pay as you use.

And in Monsey the library is available for internet usage.

Zehava

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:42 pm

The only ones I order for are my young siblings since I’m the one picking out the clothes and occasionally they see something nice and ask me to order it for them. Otherwise I become “unavailable” when asked.

sallytd

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 10:54 pm

amother wrote:

Great sentiment, but if op is feeling resentful, it's time for her to learn to respectfully set limits.

True for the future. But once she's already doing it just think "lefoom tzaara agra" the harder the work is to do the more schar Hashem gives you.. Very Happy

OutATowner

Thu, Mar 22 2018, 11:09 pm

If it's only 2-3 times a year I wouldn't mind. As for the neighbor, honestly, if I can help my sister I'm happy to help her neighbor. No difference to me, especially since its just a few clicks. That's just me.
A neighbor once had her prepaid internet run out when she was doing a lot of stuff for work. She mentioned that she was going to go to a public place at 9pm to finish her work. I told her she should of course come to me!
But...If someone constantly asked me to order things or spent a lot of time by my house, or felt entitled to the use of my internet...I would say no.

Zehava

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 12:05 am

I think there’s a difference between someone’s internet running out and someone not having internet because they think it’s assur. In the latter scenario it’s just a horrible feeling being used for something the person feels is wrong.

OutATowner

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 12:11 am

I agree, Zehava. But really, it doesn't make a difference to me why someone doesn't have internet. I know someone who gives the impression it's for hashkafic reasons, but really they can't afford it. It's not my job to think about why they dont have internet. it's about boundaries and if I feel respected or used. I joke around that I'm the "internet g*y for one of my friends. And you know what, she helps me out in many ways too because that's what friends do. (When they can...back to boundaries/ respect).
So back to the op..if it were me, I wouldn't mind. But that's me.

imasinger

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 4:24 am

I also have mixed feelings about this kind of thing.

If one believes the internet is bad, and chooses to avoid it altogether, I totally respect that.

If one believes it has dangers, and limits their use to occasional trips to the library to buy things for their family, or whatever, I can respect that, too.

If one believes that internet is bad for the neshama, so they avoid it, but as long as someone else they know doesn't feel the same way, could they please do X for them on the internet, that feels uncomfortable. Like "well, your neshama is already impure, so while you're at it, could you please allow me to keep my holiness pristine at the expense of yours by ordering for me."

I do it for people, but it is a bit off-putting.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

It will get out of hand. Something will go wrong, she'll say she asked you to order this size or that, or color, or return it, or not, she'll be upset and blame you.

amother

Denim

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 8:31 am

For me it depends on the person asking.
If a person asks when they’re really stuck, and they’re not the type to take advantage, then I don’t mind.

But people who keep calling to order cheap stuff, or check if Macy’s has something in stock online, etc, like they’re entitled to be “holy” and use me as a shabbos [gentile], then NO!

flowerpower

Fri, Mar 23 2018, 9:21 am

I have a neighbor that comes like 2 times a day to my pc. She has a special needs child and is always researching or ordering things for her. Plus everything goes by email now ( as opposed to phone calls or mail) so she needs to check her emails or send an email pretty often. Her husband doesn't want any internet in the house- she always begs him and he won't give in. I don't mind when she comes because she is quiet and my pc is in a secluded area sort of. She really appreciates it and I know if I ever need a favor...

Now I have another neighbor that has internet on her phone and sometimes it doesn't work properly. She asks to come ALWAYS when it's bad timing for me. I tell her to come later and she gets insulted and doesn't come at all.

My sister works very full time and has a handful or two of kids.... Her dh doesn't either want internet in the house ( she works on the internet 8 hours a day) so sometimes she asks me to order her something on Amazon. I never mind because I know she doesn't take advantage of me.

Like a previous poster stated- the whole issue is not black and white. It's a very gray area!