Hearbroken and terrified by meeting with psych today, need c

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 1:32 pm

op, so what are you planning on doing when this child gets mad? and throws stuff.

im curious if you are planning on following this doctor. what happens if he has an episode and you dont follow him? you probably need a different doctor. your not agreeing on how to deal with this. if this doctor finds out your not on board see what his reactions will be. hatzlacha

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 1:35 pm

do you logically think this child is a danger to himself or others? if not then what is this psychologist afraid of? im getting increasingly untrusting of this doctor. it doesnt matter if he comes highly recommended. to go to such extremes when its not warranted is so off line.

creditcards

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 3:42 pm

It sounds that there are certain rules and protocols the psychologist needs to legally follow and he is taking those rules very litteral to the extreme even if it's not for the benefit of the child. It's nice to be honest and strait but this Dr is going overboard. He might be afraid of being sued. Who knows?
I would get all the good advice he has and then switch psycologists.

amother

Peach

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 4:00 pm

amother wrote:

She said flat out that she's afraid of him when he's in a rage and acting violent, and she implied that he's too big for her to personally subdue him.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 4:59 pm

amother wrote:

She said flat out that she's afraid of him when he's in a rage and acting violent, and she implied that he's too big for her to personally subdue him.

The plot thickens.

Not minimizing your pain, but this is another red flag that therapist has unresolved issues that are driving her instructions about calling police.

This isn't about your son. It's about the therapists inability to be with his scared parts.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 5:05 pm

Might wanna look into Somatic Experiencing for yourself and/or dh. In just a few sessions you can neutralize any fears you might have around ds. When I went for a few sessions, my fear and anger transformed to kindness toward my child. It began a domino effect of reversing a combative hostile environment to a pleasant safe one.
If you decide to go this route, I'd caution you to NOT disclose to the practitioner that you're seeking to neutralize charges related to your child. Rather, say you're seeking to neutralize charges related to a person in your life. No need to disclose it's your child. Speaking from personal experience.

anonymrs

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 5:55 pm

OP, I know how challenging it is to go through the grueling process of going through dc's history, getting dc to cooperate with new people, and the money spent on all of this. And a new psychologist will want to do his own testing which is brutal for a 10 yr old to have to go through again. I totally understand why you're wary of putting your family through that again.

I am a big advocate of treating root causes, based on my personal experience. I continue to encourage you to seek medical advice regarding your son's past, positive Lyme test.

Susan Shulman is a wonderful person and doctor, but I do not recommend her for Lyme treatment. Dr. Elana Frid in NYC is excellent. If you're in NJ, Dr. Rosario Trifiletti is also amazing. Both of these doctors are board certified neurologists. They are not hocus-pocus. They will not diagnose your child with an illness he does not have.

I completely agree with you in continuing to work with your current team (obviously, clarifying the points of their plan that you find concerning,) but you will not be sorry for pursuing this line of inquiry, at the same time.

oliveoil

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 6:58 pm

amother wrote:

You are literally inventing this as you go along. I don't know what you have against therapists, but to start claiming this one has unresolved issues that are interfering with treatment of a client - based on exactly nothing - is absurd.

I am not at all for calling the police, but your comments are way out of line.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 7:19 pm

oliveoil wrote:

I'm a trauma- informed student (graduating end of month) and this is not an unusual example of what I hear about in supervision group (where therapists speak about their issues that interfere with client treatment).
We routinely hear from therapists who have the impulse to call cps , etc. and as they begin to unpack their personal triggers these impulses fade away and they're able to offer themselves and their regulated nervous systems as a resource to the client.

Whatever. It's too complicated for me to write much about it. But when a therapist suggests calling police on a ten year old it's classic red flag about therapist's personal and unresolved fears.

I understand where you're coming from, because years ago before I began to delve into the field of psychotherapy/trauma all of this sounded ridiculous to me as well. If you were with me at all the trainings you would've seen I'm not inventing it as I go.

amother

Peach

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 8:33 pm

amother wrote:

In general, when there is a logical explanation for something, it's not useful to delve into psychoanalysis.

As Six said far better and more succinctly what I was trying to say,

SixofWands wrote:

if the child is a threat to others at any time, police involvement may be necessary.

Hopefully, it looks like posters have suggested better alternatives for the OP. But there are no "red flags" here re the professional's conduct.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 5:21 am

amother wrote:

Hopefully, it looks like posters have suggested better alternatives for the OP. But there are no "red flags" here re the professional's conduct.

I agree, no red flags in the eyes of the general public. But definitely red flags amongst therapists, because of therapists' familiarity with these "soft" flags. In fact, op herself has said as much, that the therapist's recommendation doesn't feel right in her guts. In fact, the subject line says, "terrified by meeting". In therapy we call this "emotion contagion", and op possibly picked up on therapist's personal unresolved terror.
Then again, maybe, and maybe not, op herself is scared vis a vis her ds. Understandably so.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 5:25 am

amother wrote:

She said flat out that she's afraid of him when he's in a rage and acting violent, and she implied that he's too big for her to personally subdue him.

Who's the "she" here? Therapist? Or mom?
I was assuming"she" is referring to the therapist, and I realize now I may have been mistaken.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 5:49 am

amother wrote:

"she" is Mom. Therapist seems to be male.

Oops, so then I misunderstood. My apologies.
Op, if your son's behavior triggers fear in you, I suggest a few sessions of SE. Police won't help you transform your core of fear. And chances are your son is not the only person who triggers fear in you. Might as well get it sorted out . Your son is bringing you the gift of the opportunity to do so.

Bluesky 1

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:10 am

amother wrote:

I have never heard of this. I am wondering why we dont hear of this more often. it almost sounds like you become oblivious to the real fear. or I might say I dont understand this idea at all. I understand if you wanna calm someone you need to be calm yourself. is this what this is all about? can you explain please. this is intriguing.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:13 am

op if hes just throwing stuff then go to your bedroom till he stops. why get all up in arms about this? if hes just throwing shoes or what not then why are you so concerned? if he had out of control behavior that is totally different. im just trying to understand

amother

Peach

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:29 am

amother wrote:

I tried to explain upthread that it IS possible for a 10 year old child (or younger) to be physically dangerous. It completely goes against our accepted notions of the innocence of childhood, and it's rare, so many people are not familiar with it. Our knee-jerk reaction is that the child must be overwhelmed with his feelings or in emotional pain, and he needs help with that, but would never intentionally injure those he loves.

And that may be the case here; but it also may be that this case is something completely different.

Question. If OP's son was holding a loaded gun to her head, poised to shoot, would you tell her she needs to work on overcoming her core fear of triggers??

amother

Yellow

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:44 am

amother wrote:

Of course it's possible for a 10-year old to be physically dangerous. Anything is possible.

However, from the behavior that OP has described so far, it seems there is a more a fear of what he will do rather than any real danger

So therefore it sounds completely wrong to threaten with calling the police when the only thing being prevented is fear. Having tantrums and even breaking possessions isn't dangerous and definitely doesn't warrant such drastic measures.

Unless we didn't get the full picture, but obviously advice is given on based on the details given by the OP.

amother

Peach

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:48 am

amother wrote:

OP didn't detail what her ds was doing, just that it was enough to make her fear that he was capable of badly injuring her or a younger sibling.

OP is working hard to get her son the help he needs. She needs chizuk; not people questioning her story and trying to convince her that her assessment of the situation must be wrong.

amother

Peach

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 7:52 am

amother wrote:

If she were describing a violent dh, who threw things in a rage but never actually injured anyone, and said she gets scared, we would support her. We wouldn't tell her that her fear has no logical basis.

Again. I don't know if calling the police is the best response. But let's stop telling her to disregard her own instincts.