Restrictions on food because of cost

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Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 12:30 am

OP, did you write that he monitors how much challah everyone has on Shabbos? shock

To monitor bread and a cup of milk for growing children is NOT normal by any standards.

Your husband need professional help still today.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 12:38 am

I think most people are not noticing the title of the thread. The whole idea of limiting the food is based on cost. I don't know about you, but I have 8 kids and food is expensive! I joke around that we should get a cow based on how much milk we use! When money is tight it is not crazy to limit expensive foods. For example if you're 10 ppl and each one takes a pickle, that's the whole jar in one sitting! So, yes, 1 pickle per person is fair. But, if you're still hungry eat something else. No one needs pickles to survive. As long as there is other healthy food around to eat, I see no psychological problem with this, maybe a financial one.

amother

Olive

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 1:06 am

amother wrote:

1. OP said that her dh has an unhealthy relationship with money, but they really aren't tight.
2. The bolded is key. He isn't offering anything else instead. He wants them to stop eating.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 1:55 am

amother wrote:

You will not like this but seriously: I do agree that pickles are not vital for surviving. However, when you allow yourself to have 8 children you certainly realize that cost of foods are going to be high and amounts will be huge. And if I'm a guest in your house for Shabbos, will you also tell me to have one pickle only?
By the way, what is the cost of a pickle jar in the US?

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 1:56 am

Mmmm, odd?
I'd cocnentrate on not wasting and on appreciating

amother

Linen

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 2:50 am

so we have a normal income, no debt but not super wealthy (from a financial perspective).

why would I monitore ore limit my kids' fruit/vegetable or dairy product intake, if they were healthy, slim and noramlly developed?

so I dont offer my kids expencive fruit from oversears etc. I offer what is regional and on sale and they can have as mucha s they want (unless it is dinnertime soon, then they might juist wait 20 minutes).

one of my chidlren is very tall and grows much faster than the other kids. he eats about 2-3 times as much. no he is not fat, no his bloodtests are not bad... he simply feels hungry because he is very active and his body grows, which costs much energy. but he also feels full and will not ask for food unles she is REALLY hungry- it is important to understand the difference between hunger and cravings

I try to offer him healthy options etc... but why on earth would I limit his apple intake or his musli or cottage intake???

yes I am aware of the fact that groceries cost money. I dont splurge (except for special occasions like rosh hashune or a nice shabbos meal)- we buy regular protein whole grain etc.

obviously I dont let them eat limitless chocolate or bamba... but sometimes this is part of our snack, we understand that this tastes good sometimes and that these foods are only good for us (or can opnly be really enjopyed) when limited where as other foods that we also really like dont need to be limited because they dont harm us when eaten frequently.

and ds can easily eat 2 bowls of chickensoup, 4 slices ww bread with peanutbutter and bananas. he will even ask for desert Wink

and he is not even teeange yet- (I double checked with his pediatrician he said there is really nothing to worry about) he eats far more than any other of my kids or even than dh does.

we all have different needs and that is ok. it is important fpor a parent to understand this. your dh should really learn to be more flexible and try to understand orther ppls (his chidlrens) needs may differ from his own needs.

even if money is tight you try not to limit nutrition but rather you offer alternatives. ground beef in pastasauce is expencive, so you add red lentils instead... butter costs too much, after the first sandwich kids may take bread with a different topping etc. papayas are expencive but bananas are on sale, offer these. dinners are not filling enough try to add a soup with grians as a strater.. but you say yourself that money in your case is not the issue.

your dh should try therapy or talk to a nutritionist to understand that wants and needs are two different categories, and that his wants may be other peoples needs.

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 3:00 am

I grew up with a similar approach based on health and weight rather than cost. It was very well intentioned, but hasn't achieved it's goal.

Lines I remember from childhood include things like

Wait for dinner. In about an hour
You can't possibly still be hungry
Have a glass of milk. Milk is food. (I detested milk as a child)
When you are 15 you'll thank me (for not being overweight)
You had lunch an hour ago
You can have one only
That is enough

I was skinny as a child. The second I moved out and had control of my food intake, I couldn't stop eating. I am now morbidly obese. That's not my parents' fault because I am now the one who is is supposed to be in managing my own eating. But it will be a lifetime struggle for me.

I have no advice for you but I bless your family that you should all grow to have a healthy relationship with food.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 3:18 am

wow - Bnei Berak 10 all I can say is that you have a serious chip on your shoulder.
may you be blessed with good health, and only nachas from your family.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 3:43 am

amother wrote:

Sounds familiar to me. Very familiar unfortunately. when I'm under stress my issues with food tend to surface.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:12 am

Mauve, did you see Olive's post at 11.06?
This husband is watching his growing children if they have bread and a cup of milk for heaven's sake. Do you think it's normal behavior? I don't. Husband should stop eating completely and please survive on fresh air and love. That should be sufficient.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:19 am

ruby I was referring to extras like pickles, which was mentioned as one example. no one agreed it makes sense to limit bread.
benai berak Was rather rude asking how I "allow myself" to have 8 kids and if I count the food my shabbos guests are eating.
teenagers I wouldn't limit in any case as they should have the maturity to figure out for themselves what makes sense.

Simple1

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:28 am

Op's dh seems extreme. But those who said 4 plus slices of pizza - that's really a lot. I wouldn't be able to afford pizza in that case.

amother

Coffee

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:32 am

I was also raised that yogurt and Lebanon are expensive. My mother cringes when food goes in the trash. I have a totally different approach then her, I have and so have my siblings not adopted her attitude with food and I do not look at yogurt as expensive. Heck no. It's a protein for goodness sake!

I have a child that doesn't eat well. And yes yogurt is one of the stuff she eats for breakfast. She's 3 yrs old. I would never say such a ridiculous comment to her!

Neither would my husband.

Op your living in 2018. Does your dh realize how ridiculous this is? Checking on a child fir a piece of challah?!

You need to get him to a pediatrician like I mentioned in a respectful way and lay all of this out. A sensible pediatrician will be able to answer these questions.

Does he check how much you eat?

That goes in the abusive category.

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:43 am

We eat the whole pizza, one per person. If I had to do slices I'd go crazy. Also certainly not counting challa, unless they don't want the meal after

amother

Coffee

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:46 am

Op, please forgive me if I came across too harsh.

amother

Ruby

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 4:52 am

amother wrote:

I hear you and your views, I never limited my children when they were teenagers as they were mature in this matter. However I tend to agree with benai berak that once you have a large family (B"H!) one can should not be surprised at all over the large amounts and high food expenses accordingly (and I've got 10 children, B"H)
Pickles are not limited in our house and I would never dream of limiting any food for Shabbos guests, although I know some people who unfortunately do.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 5:44 am

yogabird wrote:

Sounds like OCD

More like OCPD.

My DH has it.
The minute I read the OP, my internal brain bell went, DING!

boysrus

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 6:36 am

Ruchel wrote:

We eat the whole pizza, one per person. If I had to do slices I'd go crazy. Also certainly not counting challa, unless they don't want the meal after

Ruchel, I would guess that the pizza you are buying in France is different to American pizzas. Pizzas in the USA are typically 18-20inches diameter which is huge, they are usually cut into 8 large slices. The typical child up to age 7 approx will eat 1 slice, older than that will eat 2-3 slices.

amother

Olive

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 6:46 am

Here's my take on this 'pizza fight':

Yes, it's normal to limit slices of pizza because it's expensive.

Growing, up we hardly ever had bought pizza and when we did, it was always rationed a certain amount of pieces per person.

BUT

We would have baked french fries at the same time so whoever still had an appetite could fill up on those as well.

OP - is youR dh happy for them to fill up on alternative cheaper foods? Or he wants them to completely stop eating when he deems that they should have had enough?

Chayalle

Thu, Apr 26 2018, 7:13 am

If my 5 ft, 95 lb. teen eats two slices of pizza, then I can see how someone's teen son, who might way 20 to 30 lbs more than she, and be a foot taller, would still be hungry.

I think the point that others have made and I agree with is - you can limit a specific food, but not food in general. For example - let's say I bought a pie for 4 of us (I have 3 DD's, and DH doesn't like pizza.) That means we each get two slices. If they are still hungry, they can eat something else. But I wouldn't tell my teen that she has eaten enough - that is her choice to make. I'm not experiencing her body, her hormones, her growth spurt that she may be going thru, etc....I want her to be able to decide, by herself, whether she has eaten enough or whether she needs to eat more.

So is it okay to say there is 2 slices per person? Sure (though personally, I'd probably buy my husky teen, if I had one, an additional slice). But then there should be certain food alternatives in the home that they can help themselves to if they are still hungry. In my house that's bread or pita with any spread from the fridge, fruit or vegetable, or certain snacks like pretzels or snackers. Sandwich maker/toaster oven stuff. Some people have cereal and milk as a choice (no one eats that in my house.) They can fry an omelette if they clean up after themselves, etc....

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