Which gender you truly want

Sadie

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:16 pm

I wanted a girl and my husband wanted a boy. When our son was born I fell totally in love and wouldn’t change a single hair on his head. If we ever have another baby we’d both like it to be a girl, but my preference feels less important now.
And it’s not true that men always want sons; my dad only wanted girls and that’s what he got. They adopted my sister at 6 weeks old, while I was still in utero. They didn’t routinely test for gender in the early 80’s and all of the folk wisdom indicated that I was going be a boy. My dad said that when I came out a girl he was thrilled. My mom cared less.

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:18 pm

We both want boys and girls. We have a slight preference for a girl first ( I think because we both come from families with older brothers and we both always thought it would be nice to have an older sister) , but really are excited either way.

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:22 pm

I just wanted one of each at some point. After that I don't mind anymore but still like to find out before to prepare and have names ready etc. I think I was slightly leaning towards wanting a girl more to begin with. I would have been sadder to have only boys but maybe not as sad to have only girls. I had two boys in a row first and after that was desperate for a girl!

My sephardi relatives always say 'brit milah' to pregnant women, wishing that they should have boys. It's weird. I love being a woman. I think girls are awesome.

BadTichelDay

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:27 pm

If I had free choice in the matter, I'd prefer half of my children to be boys and the other half girls - a nice balance. Right now I'm one girl short of that. If I get pregnant again, b'ezrat Hashem, I'd slightly hope it would be a girl. If it were a boy, I wouldn't mind though. Every child is welcome.

fmt4

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:36 pm

amother wrote:

This has been on my mind for ever and I'm wondering if something is wrong with me, but doesn't everyone always want to have a baby boy? I wasn't raised with a bad image of women and I'm a pretty empowered female. BH I have kids of both genders, but still every time I'm pregnant I hope it is a boy. Just wondering how other people feel.

Looks like you’re in the minority. Most women I know either don’t care or want a girl.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 1:56 pm

I eventually wanted both, but I did want a boy first. I had always wanted an older brother. My husband wanted a girl.

We had a girl first and I will be honest, when I found out I was a little disappointed. But now I’m like, what the hell was I sad about? Lol. She’s awesome.

We had a boy next so now I have one of each. I had assumed he would be a girl (mostly girls in my extended family) and I was shocked! My son is so sweet and special and so different from my daughter! He could never have been my first, he just doesn’t have an oldest kid personality. He is very much an easygoing second kid.

IF we have another one (my husband will take some convincing!) I kinda maybe want another girl...or maybe a brother for my son...I don’t think I care that much. Both flavors are delicious.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 2:03 pm

Sorry, I can't relate. While ideally I'd like to have a mix, I'll currently pregnant with my fourth daughter (no sons) and am perfectly thrilled. There's something so wonderful about sisters. Dh is very relived, he's happy to avoid having a bris.

miami85

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 2:11 pm

I've always wanted a mix and I think I was "disappointed" with my previous baby more because of the general situation. 1)I wanted my daughter to have a sister 2)Baby was born close to shabbos and that meant missing out on the shalom zachor (though we found a way to compensate) 3)Financially it would've been better on us to not have had to make a bris and waited to make a kiddush--but we put that on Hashem's cheshbon. 4) I was really looking forward to frills and bows again. 5)I had save a lot of my boys' baby's clothes--but when it came time to use them, I couldn't find them since we moved.

I've said "Boys are cute, girls are cuter"

But I do love my sons though it has taken some adjusting to my "male dominated" household. I do hope that I'm not "done" and my daughter will get a sister someday.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 2:12 pm

amother wrote:

The ideas of wanting boys is sephardic and comes from Arabs.

I think you are right on... But why or why I have this psyche when I'm from eastern europe. I'm kind of sad I feel that way, I wish I can truly want a girl. Is this a reason to see a therapist?

icebreaker

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 2:20 pm

I wanted girls after attending my nephew’s bris. He was screaming, my sister was crying and had to step out, my mother and grandmother were crying. I was just like nope nope can’t do it. I had a girl first, then a boy. I was a nervous wreck during his bris but I got through it, thank Gd. Then my last was a girl. But I never really had a real preference, if I think back to when I was first pregnant and wondered what the baby would be.

Raisin

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

I think you are right on... But why or why I have this psyche when I'm from eastern europe. I'm kind of sad I feel that way, I wish I can truly want a girl. Is this a reason to see a therapist?

It's possible some women connect with boys more. Who knows??? Or if you grew up in a culture or family where boys are preferred to girls, you want a boy. Like the red candies...all the kids want them because the other kids want them.

I personally prefer girls although I am very happy to have a mix of both bh. Both are adorable and lovable in their own ways, and each one unique from the other. I find it hard to relate to a frum boys yeshiva life since I never went through that. I would be sad for my husband but not for me if we only had girls but I would be devastated if I only had boys.

There was a recent tragic car accident where a chasan and kallah were killed and then I read that the kallah was the only girl in her family and to me that made it so much worse.

daagahminayin

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 5:14 pm

Wow - I’m surprised at the results so far (girls in the lead) - I thought I’d be in the minority for wanting them more. Before I had any kids I always hoped I’d have a girl first although would have been happy with either gender, and BH I got what I wanted. Now thank G-d I have more than one girl, so I “want” a boy to balance things out but also I find it harder to imagine how I’d relate to him since I’m used to girls lol. But I’d love the chance to find out IY”H - and I’d also love the chance to have another girly Smile

I will say that when I was becoming frum I did get a bit confused and felt I was supposed to want boys more than girls, that despite all the pro-women in Judaism classes I sat through, the culture and tradition does historically value boys over girls as the ones to bring Torah down into the world (just compare the blessings that are said when each gender is born).

But I’m at a place now where I’m comfortable wanting what I want and loving and valuing my amazing girls, and knowing how incredible it is to be female, no matter what anyone says.

(One thing though: when each of my girls were born I did feel a tinge of sadness thinking of the painful pregnancy and birth I’d just endured and knowing that was likely their lot to go through some day as women).

amother

White

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 5:26 pm

amother wrote:

The ideas of wanting boys is sephardic and comes from Arabs.

Actually it comes from the Gemara..
Gemara says (can find out exactly where) the world needs hide tanners (who have a bad smell) just like it needs diamond cutters, but good for the one who is in diamonds! The same is to genders, the world needs both but good for whoever is zoche to have the boys! (If you hug, it’s a Gemara not me)
There are also many Gemaras that mention segulos and davening for boys but never girls. I heard that someone with a bunch of boys once asked Rav Chaim Kanievsky if he can daven for a girl, and he said there is no such Tefillah.

But chin up ladies, the world still need us!! Smile

(ETA dh always says it’s a shvere Gemara (difficult to understand)- as for now we have only girls and loving every minute!!!)

happinessseeker

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 6:03 pm

amother wrote:

(ETA dh always says it’s a shvere Gemara (difficult to understand)- as for now we have only girls and loving every minute!!!)

There’s actually a tefillah for a girl that you can say while pregnant - the first 40 days or something like that.

amother

White

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 6:06 pm

happinessseeker wrote:

There’s actually a tefillah for a girl that you can say while pregnant - the first 40 days or something like that.

Who wrote that tefillah? I think he meant there is no credible tefillah for that.

happinessseeker

Mon, Apr 30 2018, 6:10 pm

amother wrote:

Who wrote that tefillah? I think he meant there is no credible tefillah for that.

I’m not sure but it’s in my “tefillas channah: prayers for the Jewish woman” book. Can’t imagine that it’s not “credible.”