Which gender you truly want

amother

Copper

Tue, May 01 2018, 9:48 am

amother wrote:

I always want girls. So far I have only boys. With my last pregnancy, I sobbed for a day when I found out it was another boy. Sometimes I wish for a daughter so much, I feel like it physically hurts.

I've done this too. and I cried every time someone else had a girl while I was expecting a boy. I love my son beyond words but I still keep wanting girls.

observer

Tue, May 01 2018, 9:53 am

amother wrote:

There’s a lot of overt and covert anti-girl themes in being frum. From shelo asani isha to more simchas for a boy (shalom zocher) I think girls internalize as they grow up they’re the second class citizens (at least I did). I’d never admit it in public but I’ve always wanted boys and when I try to pinpoint why I believe it’s from growing up with anti-girl themes in the Torah. Heck it’s even in the gemara that when a boy is born the world is full of peace and joy and when a girl is born it brings sadness. Unfortunately I came across that statement as a teenager and it does mess with how I perceive the genders in frum society.

I grew up frum and I never felt that at all. I am proud to be a girl/woman and although it's definitely "different" than boys/men, I never felt and still don't feel that it's second class or inferior in any way.

bigsis144

Tue, May 01 2018, 10:27 am

I have two boys and I love them!

One reason I hope to have a girl one day is because of kol isha. I am very musical, and have worked on numerous productions over the years. Although I know I shouldn’t project my interests into my child or force them into doing what I like instead of what they like, I have fond memories of my own mother and sisters singing together at the Shabbos table, going to see Broadway musicals and generally having a wider exposure to the world of music and the arts.

In a way, I am also scared to have a girl because I’m scared of projecting any of my issues onto her. For example, it is so awesome to have kids who don’t care about their clothes - between fashion and body image and healthy attitudes toward tznius, the thought of having to dress a daughter and teach her to make those decisions herself stresses me out. Or if she has strong opinions I disagree with, help.

amother

Taupe

Tue, May 01 2018, 11:03 am

amother wrote:

You may be correct about that being the reality in those times but in no way are the Gemaras statements “dated” or a reflection of any time specific “reality”. Whatever the meaning, the holy words of Chazal are timeless and are just as relevant now as they were 1500 years ago. In this particular area and in every other area.

This is apologetics. This response will not resonate to people with modern sensibilities. Yes, the time period when the gemara was codified is very important in understanding the blatant se-xist views written down.

yo'ma

Tue, May 01 2018, 12:18 pm

I didn't read the whole thread.

I wanted my first to be a boy because of all the mitzvos that you do with a bechor. My first was a girl and the rest are boys LOL

das

Tue, May 01 2018, 12:54 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sorry you feel that way. While there are definitely such statements in Gemara etc as a frum girl I NEVER got the impression that girls were less desirable. On the contrary, I got the impression that being female had way more perks.

dancingqueen

Tue, May 01 2018, 4:11 pm

das wrote:

Just pointing out that the sources that point to a baby girl being less desirable don’t contradict the idea that being female has more perks.

I mean really, compare the amount of parties for a boy boy to a girl in the frum world.

amother

White

Tue, May 01 2018, 4:35 pm

amother wrote:

I guess I don’t share these “modern sensibilities”. Unfortunately some of these “sensibilities” that viewed some of our most sacred writings as “outdated” and archaic have led to the founding of the reform and other “modern” and “enlightened” movements.

Raisin

Tue, May 01 2018, 4:38 pm

amother wrote:

And other such terrible institutions like Beis Yaakov. shock

(I am quite sure you would have been decrying Beis Yaakov when it began...)

amother

White

Tue, May 01 2018, 4:41 pm

Raisin wrote:

And other such terrible institutions like Beis Yaakov. shock

(I am quite sure you would have been decrying Beis Yaakov when it began...)

Sorry but ’m not seeing the connection at all. There is nothing in Gemara that would not support the fundamentals of the BY movement.

das

Tue, May 01 2018, 5:03 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

My point was that texts aside, in practical frum life that has not been my experience. Girls are not actually seen as less desirable today. I'm not denying what the texts say.

Raisin

Tue, May 01 2018, 5:54 pm

amother wrote:

Sorry but ’m not seeing the connection at all. There is nothing in Gemara that would not support the fundamentals of the BY movement.

But there was lots of opposition, with many believing it was against the Torah. Most rabbanim only approved her work after about 15 years.

https://www.thelehrhaus.com/sc.....acts/

gold21

Tue, May 01 2018, 6:14 pm

I think ideally at least two of each gender, I guess, cuz it's nice (usually) for kids to have same gender siblings.

I mean, whatever. Healthy babies first and foremost.

amother

Smokey

Tue, May 01 2018, 7:40 pm

amother wrote:

I always want girls. So far I have only boys. With my last pregnancy, I sobbed for a day when I found out it was another boy. Sometimes I wish for a daughter so much, I feel like it physically hurts.

Are you me??? How many boys do you have? I have three and when I think about not having a daughter I sometimes can’t breathe. I would DO ANYTHING.

amother

Yellow

Tue, May 01 2018, 8:50 pm

I happen to have both but I truly don't care which one I get. After having a full term stillbirth all I care and hope for is a healthy baby in my arms whether it's a boy or a girl. It's funny though cuz dh I think wants girls more than boys but he is also happy either one.