Does ur baby girl have earrings?

amother

cornflower

Sun, May 27 2018, 5:44 pm

Back in the 60s they did it right in the hospital when newly born.
B”H, because if I needed to do them as an older child, I probably would not let them.
I was sad when I found out that hospitals don’t do this any more, when dd’s where born.
They got them done at 3-6 months.
I was so nervous, but I know that f I would wait they would be too scared.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, May 27 2018, 6:40 pm

I do think piercing a baby's ears is somewhat selfish. The baby has no say in the matter. I had my daughter's ears pierced when she was old enough to ask for it and want it. I wanted it to be something special. Even so, it's been a big headache and she keeps having oozing lumps in one ear.

amother

Slategray

Sun, May 27 2018, 7:52 pm

My grandmother a"h told me that in Poland, if the midwife saw that the baby was a girl, she took a piece of straw and put it through the earlobes and tied a knot. The earlobes were soft enough right after birth that the straw went right through and all newborn baby girls had little straw hoops dangling from their ears for a few months, until they got real earrings.

I had my ears pierced at age 3, when I finally asked for it and I remember crying from the pain.
For my first girl, I did it at 2.5 months and she screamed until I nursed her and then she got a bunch of infections until I realized that she can't wear stud earrings that touched her ears. She wears hoops or leverbacks now and it's fine.
For my second girl, I didn't want to go through the infections in a baby, so I did it as a reward for toilet training at age 2.5. She didn't cry at all! But she also got infections afterward until I switched her to hoops too.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, May 27 2018, 8:24 pm

amother wrote:

not sure why that's a problem.. given they aren't mandatory.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, May 27 2018, 8:41 pm

I grew up in a city where ear-piercing was done for free at birth in hospitals, and a particular low-income group all had their babies' ears pierced. I automatically associate earrings on babies with that ethnicity LOL

I waited until my girls asked (usually around 4-6) and I believed they were ready. And they really WERE the only ones in their classes who didn't have earrings at that point!

zaq

Sun, May 27 2018, 8:44 pm

This won’t make me popular in imamother circles but I consider piercing an infant’s ears a form of child abuse. I also think a baby needs any kind of jewelry like she needs another nose. Not to mention that jewelry on a baby poses hazards like ripped earlobes and choking on small parts.

How can anyone justify subjecting a baby to a painful and totally frivolous procedure that only serves the mother’s self-love? The baby hasn’t asked for it and certainly hasn’t given informed consent.

How would you feel if you woke up one day to discover that while you slept, dh had your belly button pierced because he thought it made you look prettier?

Might I suggest that rather than pump up your self esteem by torturing your baby, spend that money on some pampering for yourself? Maybe even a second piercing if you dare?

amother

Plum

Sun, May 27 2018, 9:53 pm

zaq wrote:

Steongnly worded, but I agree with your sentiment. Just because a mom thinks it "looks good," and thinks her baby isn't cute or pretty enough without earrings, she subjects her baby to pain, even momentarily? Why not at least let the child have a say in what happens to her own ears and when? It seems selfish to me! Spoken as a mother of no girls, admittedly

Teomima

Sun, May 27 2018, 11:41 pm

amother wrote:

The reason to have their ears pierced as babies is to make the whole thing a non-issue for them: No fear, no memory of the fear, no constant telling them to stop touching, no dealing with infections.

It's a non-memory and a non-issue.

Alternatively, if you wait until they are mature enough to make the decision for themselves, all these points still stand. My recently-pierced 9yo had no fear, understood not to touch, knows how to keep clean and so has had no infections...the only difference is that she has memory if it, which is a good thing. It was practically painless for her and she remembers it as a very exciting and happy day.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:00 am

Teomima wrote:

I'm the amother you were responding to. I think that with many parenting issues, we tend to want to either repeat the experiences we had that we liked, or not repeat what we feel were our parents' mistakes.

I was not permitted to have pierced ears until I was 12, because my mother viewed this as horrible mutilation, and didn't think a child below the age of 12 had the capacity to consent to such a thing.

I longed for earrings my entire childhood and counted down the days. In kindergarten, I wore my grandmother's clip on earrings for as long as I could tolerate the pain. When I finally pulled them off, my earlobes would be bright red from the pinching.

Yet, as my bas mitzvah approached, I got cold feet. I was terrified, but also determined. I had spent so many years imagining how painful this procedure could possibly be. Even though you *know* that the pain is very brief, kids with an active imagination can still build up the fear in their minds.

Finally, I had them pierced. I rotated them and cleaned as instructed, and never touched, but still dealt with infections.

Looking back, it seems like a whole lot of unnecessary drama.

But there is really no right or wrong here. As parents, we try to do what we each think is right.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:06 am

zaq wrote:

And what is the right age where a person has the mental capacity to make informed consent for mutilating their body?

My mother thought anything less than 12 was wrong. She thought she was being liberal, because *her* mother had said 16.

creditcards

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:06 am

I had mine done as an infant and it's the best gift my mother was able to give me. I would have been terrified to do it when I was older and I definitely want to be able to wear earings. I had one friend that her mother didn't believe in piercing infants. She got it done for bas mitzvah. I always felt bad for that friend. I would never want to make my girls go through this pain when they are big enough to be scared. Most girls want to be able to wear earings so why not do it for them when they are young enough not to be scared. All my baby girls got earings as infants. I think it's the biggest chesed I can do for them. I have one more friend that's too paranoid to get her ears pierced and she has such a hard time wearing clips. It's not easy for her. Girls don't like to be different. If everyone has earings, why shouldn't they?

creditcards

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:11 am

amother wrote:

This.
I agree this whole drama is unnecessary. That's why my girls get earings when they are newborns.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:18 am

creditcards wrote:

some girls actually like to be different

I hope your mother gave you more valuable gifts than this.

I had it when I was 10. Sure I was scared - it was the unknown and it involved a needle. It also gave me an opportunity to concur a fear (be brave!!). Those stick with you - and can be recalled as an example when bravery is needed in the moment.

as for the actual pain - as I recall - its like getting a hard pinch on the earlop. Its not so significant that it should done to a infant for the sole purpose of avoiding causing pain to an older child (but I think most mothers do this to their babies not for this reason - rather they like the look... heck there was a poster who basically said baby girls don't look right without it)

creditcards

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:21 am

amother wrote:

In my opinion the fear of the pain is much worse than the pain itself. If a person knows a needle is coming it's scarier than if she by mistake pricked herself.

amother

Magenta

Mon, May 28 2018, 12:32 am

amother wrote:

Interesting.

I was born in the 60s. They didn't pierce my ears in the hospital. I didn’t know anyone who had pierced ears until at least 5th grade. My parents made me wait until I was 12. No drama involved. They’re now triple pierced.

My girls got them around age 9. When they were old enough to know they really wanted them. Although 1 rarely wears earrings. No one of concern to us had any trouble figuring out they were girls. I hate the way earrings look on babies. Too Toddlers and Tiaras for my taste.

salt

Mon, May 28 2018, 1:13 am

yidisheh mama wrote:

Got dds ears pierced when she was a week old. She didn't really cry at all.
Earrings add so much to a face. I think young girls (not babies, but 3,4+) need to have earrings. It's a small thing that makes a huge difference.

That's a weird thing to say.
What do you mean "need". For what do they need it?
Nice, cute, makes them happy, maybe - even though I don't think it looks cute on babies, but "need to have earrings"??

amother

Mauve

Mon, May 28 2018, 2:23 am

zaq wrote:

I strongly disagree.
Growing up, I never met a single woman without ears pierced. In my world, it's a given. They will get pierced. Could care less about buying cutesy earrings for my daughter or showing her off. I want her to have pierced ears like the rest of society, and better to do it when she is 3 weeks old and cries for 5 minutes and forgets about it right after.