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amother




Royalblue


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:03 am
amother wrote:
It doesn't really matter if she is ready or not because you can't go backwards now. The thing to remember is that she is not ready to do this automatically. She needs reminders, she doesn't necessarily know what you want from her. If you keep this in mind, it will be much easier on you. It seems to me that part of the issue here is that you (rightly!) are feeling frustrated and fed up. So just keep in mind that this child is not 100% there yet.

I would never, ever refuse a drink to a thirsty child BUT I would try and push the drink time earlier. Try and make sure she is drinking more through the afternoon so that she doesn't need to drink a lot at bedtime.

When I was toilet training my eldest, a very experienced mother told me that as long as a child has an opportunity, whether by day or by night, to relax the control, it will be hard to make it automatic. I have since trained seven of my own and really found it true. I did have a couple still in diapers at night at age 5 but those were very deep sleepers and I did find that they were the ones who were more likely to have accidents through the day.

She may not be ready at night. On the other hand, she may be getting mixed messages. Not sure when yes, when no.

and it sounds ridiculous but have you tried talking to her about it?


Re reminders, it will have to be forced toilet trips because I often remind her or ask her if she needs and the answer is always no. Or yes and then changes her mind a second later because she so doesn’t want to go. She seems to really not like going to the toilet.
Do I wait for her to have a dry diaper in the morning before trying nighttime?
And what do you mean by talking about it? I give her a lot of praise when she’s dry or when she goes to the toilet, and I often reiterate that wees and poos belong in the toilet. She knows it well enough that she finishes my sentences.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:04 am
naomi2 wrote:
See if the receptionist at the Dr can keep an eye in her for 5 min in the waiting room while you explain to the Dr and then call her in

Great idea. Thanks!
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:06 am
proudmomma wrote:
Hug op it is so difficult! I'm in a similar situation with my daughter and can truly empathize! She'll also be 4 in October. She also doesn't care if her panty is wet and usually won't tell me. I was told not to worry about it until she's 4. Dealing with the almost daily accidents is driving me crazy!!!

I'm going to order the potty watch. It's a watch the kid wears that beeps at intervals that you set & reminds them to go to the bathroom. I'm hoping that the excitement of wearing a watch like a grown-up will work. Good luck! Remember deep breaths😁


Ooh that sounds good, I’ll look into it. Thanks and same to you!
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GetReal




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:17 am
I would either put her back in diapers for a few months or set an alarm for every fifteen minutes and have her try when it rings. If she puts up a fight about going then she needs diapers. Just keep repeating to her - big girls who wear underwear use the bathroom. After a week or two of no accidents try spacing the timer further.

You say she's strong willed but she can't have it both ways - underwear and accidents. If she wants underwear she needs to earn it. Just keep repeating that to her. Not struggles. Just facts and calmly repeat them.
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amother




Seafoam


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:34 am
We have a system that usually works.
Remove all underwear from drawer. Every morning you get her dressed and put one dry pair in her drawer. Tell her that one accident is ok but after that there are only diapers-no more underwear for that day.
Not a punishment and dont act upset. Its the reality. There is no more clean underwear. And follow through.
Most kids want the underwear and will try. If you see shes being more agreeable to the toilet but cant always make it, you could put a 2nd pair in her drawer.
The point being that she should choose between "wearing underwear like a big girl" and "bothering to use the toilet".
Anonymous because my mother uses this technique. And my sisters. And we talk about it.
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amother




Azure


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:41 am
Please take her to the doctor to rule out anything medical. We had the same exact story and it turned out to be a strep. Ten days of antibiotics took care of the problem. I watched as my son got his urge to pee back from one day to the next. He just wasn't feeling that he needed to go.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:49 am
amother wrote:
Please take her to the doctor to rule out anything medical. We had the same exact story and it turned out to be a strep. Ten days of antibiotics took care of the problem. I watched as my son got his urge to pee back from one day to the next. He just wasn't feeling that he needed to go.


Yes, take her to the doctor to rule out a medical issue.

If its not medical, then I would very matter of factly put her back in diapers. This is not a punishment. Do not shame her. Matter of fact. "I know you want to wear panties, but we're going to need to keep them until you can stay dry." Wait a week or two. Ask if she thinks she's ready. If she says yes, try. If it doesn't work, put her back in diapers.

Lots of kids don't train until 4. She'll get there.
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:55 am
My son started having accidents after being trained for six months. A friend mentioned to me that her daughter would have accidents when she had pinworms, with no other symptoms. I tried vermox ( I live in Israel), and the accidents stopped..this happened a couple of times (with two of my children). Each time the accidents stopped right after treating the pinworms. Might be a good idea to discuss with your pediatrician.
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Laiya




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 11:12 am
amother wrote:

I think the problems with her is that she:
1. Gets bored of the star chart/prize system very quickly, even though I change the prizes and rewards every day.
2. Has no internal motivation to be toilet trained. She has an extremely relaxed personality and doesn’t care at all to be soaking wet. She would rather stay in her wet underwear than change them!
To date, she has never made a poo in her underwear.


OP, I think when you have a child who is very relaxed, it can be very hard to bribe them. The key is to find the right bribe.

Most important, the bribe has to be immediate. I think sometimes the long term sticker charts don't work so well for younger kids. It's too hard for them to plan for a big prize tomorrow or next week or even for tonight.

What worked for one of my kids, who had been trained but started back sliding was, we bribed him with a special (jelly bean sized) candy that he loved, that is usually reserved for shabbos party. The catch was, he could only get the candy if he made on the toilet AND his underwear stayed dry. And then he got the candy right after washing his hands.

The accidents stopped in a day, which was about how long it took him to figure out how the new system worked.
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cozyblanket




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 11:36 am
About talking to the Dr without dd hearing, can you call ahead and tell them your concerns, they can make a note in her chart and then the Dr reads it either b4 they come in or right there with you, but dd won't know what he is reading?
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babysmum




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 12:23 pm
proudmomma wrote:
Hug op it is so difficult! I'm in a similar situation with my daughter and can truly empathize! She'll also be 4 in October. She also doesn't care if her panty is wet and usually won't tell me. I was told not to worry about it until she's 4. Dealing with the almost daily accidents is driving me crazy!!!

I'm going to order the potty watch. It's a watch the kid wears that beeps at intervals that you set & reminds them to go to the bathroom. I'm hoping that the excitement of wearing a watch like a grown-up will work. Good luck! Remember deep breaths😁



Can you post a link to this potty watch? Please
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amother




Jade


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 12:31 pm
Why don’t you keep her in the room when you discuss it with the dr. ? You’re not embarrassing her, you should all have a discussion about it to help her.
In general I think you have to be stronger with her.
It’s important to worry about her feelings, but the discussion doesn’t have to be shameful. I remember my dr. Discussing potty training with my daughter. She was fine with it. (This was in regards to no more bottles and drinks in bed. Dd wasn’t taking it from me, so I asked the dr. To explain it to her. It worked!!)
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Lydia




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Jun 11 2018, 10:50 pm
Another pediatrician idea: Write a note to the doctor. When you check in, give it to the receptionist and explain that you'd like the doctor to read it before he comes into the office.

I actually agree, though, with the previous poster who suggests that having a discussion with the doctor in front of her would help her. This could be immediately useful in your situation, but even more, models clear, healthy communication with a doctor, which is good for kids to see.

Since you're concerned about her feeling embarrassed, you can talk with her about it ahead of time so she's prepared. Something like this... "You've been working on potty training for awhile now, and even though you've been able to stay dry part of the time, you are still having accidents quite a bit. Sometimes when kids have accidents it's because something in there body isn't working right. I think it's time to talk with the doctor about your potty training. He'll let us know if he thinks that your accidents are because something isn't working right. He might need to have you do some tests to check that out. (You could describe the tests if you want.) Even if everything is working fine, the doctor might have some advice for you or for me about how we could get rid of the accidents." Ask her how she feels about it. Don't assume she'll feel embarrassed, though, or imply that she should be. After all, she doesn't mind walking around in wet clothes!
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proudmomma




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 1:09 am
babysmum wrote:
Can you post a link to this potty watch? Please



I'm sorry, I don't know how to do that. But it's sold everywhere from walmart to buy buy baby. Just search for potty watch, good luck!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 4:20 am
I agree that she should be in the doctor's office during discussion. Your health is not an embarassing issue, it's taking responsibillity for yourself. You don't want her ot think of this as being shameful. Just be matter of fact, like you are discussing the weather.

My DD had a huge setback after a long vacation and plane fllight, and I know it's super common when the potty training process gets interrupted. It will take a while to get her back on track.

I am a really big fan of candy bribes! One chocolate lentil can do wonders. I also kept kids books in a rack by the toilet. Sometimes I would sit and read with her, and sometimes she would look at the pictures by herself. Pretty soon she would forget that she was supposed to be "trying", and as soon as she relaxed she would do her business.

It's really easy to do this with an only child, because you don't have other kids clamoring for your attention, so take a few minutes to read to her while she's sitting. The extra attention will give her a more positive association with going to the bathroom. She may be bored in there, and not want to go because she'd rather be doing something more fun. Stay with her, read, and don't talk about peeing. Just take your time and let it happen. Then you pop a candy in her mouth and do a little potty dance. Very Happy
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amother




Red


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 7:19 am
Op, I dont have a solution, but I can empathize as my child also had this problem bc she didnt care about being wet. But, I just continued taking her and insisted she sit and make. I took her often to try. It took a while and a lot of patience. If she made in the toilet, I gave her a food treat. I dont think its a good idea to let her say no she doesnt have to go. She obviously has to make so I think you must insist she goes to try. Yes, it will be hard at the beg, but then shell get into routine that she must go to the toilet when u tell her.

After a while, she will go on her own, but you may have to do a lot of "reminding" since she doesnt mind being wet. I kept telling my child that you need to go to the bathroom when your tush says. I kept repeating that just like we have to eat...mwe also must go to the toilet. It took a long time and I had to keep repeating that going to the toilet is a must.

I think your friend's advice may be for a different type of child. Your child does need you to take her and does need to be forced....bc she is different as she doesnt mind being wet. Its not the same as a child who goes to the toilet to avoid getting soiled. Every child is different. Dont give up. Just keep insisting she go every x minutes and keep repeating that she cant ignore the urge. I explained to my child that u only hold it on a bus or car.....but dont hold it bc the tushy wont wait..bc the problem with holding it in is that shes avoiding going by holding it in, but her "holding method" causes the accident since wet will come out when she cant hold it anymore.

I just spent a lot of time explaining and repeating to my child how she cant hold it and she must listen right away when her tushy says so"". I tried to get her in this routine bc she had difficulty bc she held it in like ur dd.

Hatzlacha
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zigi




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:04 am
amother wrote:
For a while I did force her to use the toilet, and she remained dry. But then I was told by a friend to stop cos she is relying on me and so will never learn the skill of independence in going to toilet because she actually needs. So I stopped enforcing regular toilet breaks and just enforce it when we are about to leave the house. What do you think about that?
The other advice re cleaning accidents, I already do.
Thanks!

I would still take her at this point since she isn't really fully trained. iyh she will learn the skill on her own. same with the morah have bathroom breaks put her on the toilet and have her try to make.
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amother




Royalblue


Post  Thu, Jun 14 2018, 3:15 pm
OP here.
You have all been so helpful, thank you so much.
Just wanted to update: went to pedatrician and he said not to worry till she’s 4 seeing as she has managed to last a full day dry in the past. I did talk to him with her in the room.
I have taken all your advice on board and am making her go to the toilet every so often or when I see her wiggling.
So far so good, 2 days dry. I told her that if she wants to wear underwear then she has to go to toilet whenever I say so. I think she realised that it’s sort of an ultimatum and as a result has even started asking to go to toilet herself.
Thanks all!
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amother




Indigo


Post  Thu, Jun 14 2018, 8:56 pm
I was going to say to just let it go and try again when she’s 4 but since you are seeing progress may I make a few points:
1. Rewards must be as others said instant! She goes, give her a candy, jellybean etc right away.

2. Not a fan of the potty watch it never lasted for me longer than a week, and gets super annoying for the child.

3. Forget about the night, it’s oerfectly normal to still be wet.

4. Most importantly, whatever you do don’t let it become a struggle and a negative thing. If it’s not going, drop it and put her in diapers and pull ups and take a break.

Good luck!
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amother




Cerise


Post  Thu, Jun 14 2018, 9:31 pm
It might be a physiological issue. chronic or subacute strep can cause this, low level UTI can cause this, it can just be an autonomic system thing if she is deficient in b vitamins, and especially b12. good luck!
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