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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Floralwhite
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 Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:21 pm
I live in Monsey and I drive. Most of the Chassidishe women don’t drive, and I am often asked for rides. I used to say yes every time because I truly like to help, but not anymore. Here’s why.
Let’s say it’s 90 degrees outside. Or raining. Or snowing. Even if the weather is nice, if I am driving you somewhere, I’m doing you a favor. If someone is doing you a favor, you should act accordingly.
In the past,recipients of my chessed have said to me:
*Criticized me for not keeping my car cleaner. (I have little kids. If you don’t like it, WALK.)
*Ordered me around on how best to drive. If you think you know a Better route, politely offer it. Don’t shout in my ear, “Why did you take this road? Don’t you know it takes longer? Turn left at the next corner!” (I am NOT a chauffeur or taxi driver, and you should be polite to them, too.)
*”Was this your Shabbos shopping? WHAT, you do your Shabbos shopping on Thursday?? That’s SO last minute! I do my shopping on Wednesday.”
* “Take me to the fish store and then eait, because I also need to go to the bank.” (Because having a car means I have nothing else to do?). When I told someone I can’t do that, she said “What’s the big deal? All you have to do is push your foot on the pedal.”)
I am going to preempt all the naysayers who are going to jump in and say, “Gosh, I’ve been giving rides for years and only had positive experiences!” You cannot deny my own experiences by tellng me about your own. (But I know you’ll still say it, because after all this is imamother...)
And no, not everyone was annoying to me, but it happened often enough that I no longer say yes when asked unless it is an old lady. I even stop for old ladies and offer rides.
What’s the point of this post? To educate young chassidishe women (or orhers who don’t drive) for thair own sake. (Not for my sake, as I no longer drive you snywhere.)
FYI: If you are rude to those who help you, fewer offers of help will come your way. I, for one, no longer drive you around Monsey. If more drivers refuse as well, you might not know why. So I’m telling you.
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amother
Linen
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:25 pm
Classic imamother Chassidish bashing.
I’m Chassidish and mostly interact with Chassidish women who don’t drive, and don’t know anybody who acts this way, sorry.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:28 pm
Yeah, because asking for recipients of a favor not to act rude and ungrateful is chassidish-bashing.
I mean, obviously.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:29 pm
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And for the record, I’m chassidish but I drive. That doesn’t give me or anyone license to be rude.
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amother
Linen
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:30 pm
| amother wrote: | Yeah, because asking for recipients of a favor not to act rude and ungrateful is chassidish-bashing.
I mean, obviously. |
The way you present your post, specifying more than once that you are speaking to CHASSIDISH women, speaks volumes about your stereotyping.
You could have posted the same rant by just saying how annoyed you are by anyone who takes a ride with you and speaks that way to you when you are doing them a favor.
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amother
Jade
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:31 pm
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most chassidish women take car service...By now, they don't have too many neighbors that drive...The schools have made sure NOT to accept children whose mom drives....besides that most chassidishe ladies are thankful and courteous....sorry...I also hope you have gotten some Chesed from Chassidisha people as well!!!!!
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:33 pm
| amother wrote: | The way you present your post, specifying more than once that you are speaking to CHASSIDISH women, speaks volumes about your stereotyping.
You could have posted the same rant by just saying how annoyed you are by anyone who takes a ride with you and speaks that way to you when you are doing them a favor. |
A) Who besides chassidishe women asks for rides?
B) I did say chassidishe women and others who don’t drive - read it
C) The above experiences I quoted were ALL with Chassidishe women.
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amother
Linen
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:35 pm
| amother wrote: | A) Who besides chassidishe women asks for rides?
B) I did say chassidishe women and others who don’t drive - read it
C) The above experiences I quoted were ALL with Chassidishe women. |
The bolded was totally unnecessary to write and is pure loshon hora.
Your post would have had the same effect if you skipped the Chassidish part.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:36 pm
| amother wrote: | | I also hope you have gotten some Chesed from Chassidisha people as well!!!!! |
Yes I have been a recipient of chessed and you can bet I didn’t repay anyone’s kindness with rudeness and disrespect, and I always thank people. And like I said I AM chassidish. But my having a heter to drive does not give anyone else a heter to be rude and ungrateful.
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amother
Red
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:37 pm
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Op clearly you have an attitude problem. Your post says alot about what type of person you are ( Im almost sure I know who you are).
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:40 pm
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I’m sitting here laughing because I knew that nobody would be able to say, “That’s horrible. Nobody’s should behave that way!” Or “Thanks for the headsup. I will make sure to ge polite when someone does me a favor.” That would take too much maturity. Oh well, I certainly hope that even if you call this “bashing” it will cause you to be ncer to the next person who drives you anywhere.
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amother
Tangerine
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:42 pm
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OP, what you are describing is really not typical, non chassidish women can be rude just as much as chassidish women can. Most are gracious & say thank you. Sounds like you're talking about the same women or your sisters/mother in all situations described above because normal women chassidish or not do not behave this way.
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amother
Red
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:43 pm
| amother wrote: | | I’m sitting here laughing because I knew that nobody would be able to say, “That’s horrible. Nobody’s should behave that way!” Or “Thanks for the headsup. I will make sure to ge polite when someone does me a favor.” That would take too much maturity. Oh well, I certainly hope that even if you call this “bashing” it will cause you to be ncer to the next person who drives you anywhere. |
I'm glade I was able to make you laugh  .
I hope next time you'll think before you post.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:47 pm
Why is everyone jumping on the OP?
The ONLY orthodox Jewish groups who have banned women from driving are chassidish. That is reality.
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amother
Linen
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:48 pm
| amother wrote: | | I’m sitting here laughing because I knew that nobody would be able to say, “That’s horrible. Nobody’s should behave that way!” Or “Thanks for the headsup. I will make sure to ge polite when someone does me a favor.” That would take too much maturity. Oh well, I certainly hope that even if you call this “bashing” it will cause you to be ncer to the next person who drives you anywhere. |
Oh I’m always nice, thankful, and cautious with what I say to people who do a favor to me.
And shocker! I’m chassidish!
Op, I hope this post will remind you next time, that every sect has good, kind people and rude, untactful people.
Please don’t lump all chassidish women into one rude speaking group next time.
Thank you!
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amother
Linen
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:50 pm
| amother wrote: | Why is everyone jumping on the OP?
The ONLY orthodox Jewish groups who have banned women from driving are chassidish. That is reality. |
It’s not necessary to point that out when you had some negative experiences.
This can happen anywhere.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:52 pm
| amother wrote: | [/b]
Oh I’m always nice, thankful, and cautious with what I say to people who do a favor to me.
And shocker! I’m chassidish!
Op, I hope this post will remind you next time, that every sect has good, kind people and rude, untactful people.
Please don’t lump all chassidish women into one rude speaking group next time.
Thank you! |
The point of my post, as I said, was to let people know that you should not be rude to those who offer you a ride. I have ONLY been asked for rides from Chassidishe women, and a high enough percentage were rude enough to make me stop. I don’t have to invite trouble into my car.
There’s a saying, don’t blame the messenger because you don’t like the message.
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amother
Tangerine
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:52 pm
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OP, I'll be very rude here, you don't sound like a very nice person. Don't give people rides, no one needs your favors.
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amother
Red
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:52 pm
| amother wrote: | Why is everyone jumping on the OP?
The ONLY orthodox Jewish groups who have banned women from driving are chassidish. That is reality. |
And.......
..
...........
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:54 pm
| amother wrote: | | OP, I'll be very rude here, you don't sound like a very nice person. Don't give people rides, no one needs your favors. |
Hmmm, I go out of my way to be nice to prople, who are rude to me in return. I stop doing the favors and offer advice to others not to be rude.
That makes me a very horrible person indeed!
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