FYI for women who don’t drive

amother

Wine

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:55 pm

Sorry, but I'm with OP, anon because I know I will get bashed.

I give rides to my Chassidish friends, and I'm not stopping soon, but I think that many times they are unrealistic as to what driving entails. This is not to speak negatively of Chassidish people, this is really about anyone who doesn't drive - and doesn't understand how hard it is, and that you are actually going out of your way, etc. It just happens that it's Chassidish women who don't drive - mostly.

So, I'm not sure what the op's point is, but my point is - if you are Chassidish, and you don't drive, and your friend is kind enough to give you a ride - please understand that it's a favor! And also, just because I drive doesn't mean that I can come to all your chasuna's in a different city - do you have any idea how it is for a woman to drive alone at night?

Anyways, I have no idea why I just posted this because no-one I know is actually going to read this. Just a vent I guess.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:58 pm

Op, you’re mossing the point.

It’s sad that people are rude to you when you do them a favor.
I’d stop doing favors for them too.

It’s also ok to come on here to spread awareness.

But it’s no important to specific which sect you gave rides to and got annoyed at.
Because it’s an insult and degrading to other Chassidish women like myself, who are always so careful with how we talk and act.

Stop with the lumping all Chassidish people into one.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 11:58 pm

amother wrote:

So, I'm not sure what the op's point is, but my point is - if you are Chassidish, and you don't drive, and your friend is kind enough to give you a ride - please understand that it's a favor! And also, just because I drive doesn't mean that I can come to all your chasuna's in a different city - do you have any idea how it is for a woman to drive alone at night?
.

OP here, my point was the same as yours. They don’t want to hear it because it makes them uncomfortable. Yes you will likely be bashed as well. Sorry!

amother

Linen

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:04 am

amother wrote:

Seriously, this is not a bash against Chassidish women! This is a bash against anyone who doesn't drive and doesn't understand how hard it can sometimes be (and they just happen to be Chassidish).

Take out the words Chassidish women and you wouldn’t have anyone bashing you.

I don’t like to be a attacked when I’d never act close to what you’ve described.

amother

Wine

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:07 am

amother wrote:

Take out the words Chassidish women and you wouldn’t have anyone bashing you.

I don’t like to be a attacked when I’d never act close to what you’ve described.

If you're not doing this, then why do you think we're talking to you? So kindly move over so the real culprits can read this. I'm sorry if you don't like this, but the truth hurts.

And I don't care if you are Indian or Chinese, it just so happens that it's Chassidish women who don't drive. Not saying that they are doing this on purpose, I think OP was just trying to raise awareness (and maybe vent a tiny drop).

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:10 am

amother wrote:

Take out the words Chassidish women and you wouldn’t have anyone bashing you.

I don’t like to be a attacked when I’d never act close to what you’ve described.

It only happened with Chassidishe women. Should I pretend otherwise?

But you all made me think... Are Chassidishe people really constantly bashed for being rude? If so many people say Chassidishe people are rude, and a Chassidishe person thinks she acts fine and so do all chassidshe people she knows act fine, then maybe her idea of fine is rude in other people’s opinions.

33055

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:10 am

There are societal norms that are not followed by people who are in insular groups that are considered rude in larger society.

Saying please and thank you does not negate other rude behavior. It is the very bottom of minimum standard behavior. It is bizarre that the amothers are touting this as proof they are courteous. Courtesy and respect extend way beyond perfunctory phrases.

I have been subject to similar behaviors that OP mentioned. I hear you OP.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:17 am

Look, I don't live in Monsey and don't give rides, but it's not hard for me to picture this happening.

I do not believe the women intend to be or even realize they are being rude. I believe they mean well.

I honestly don't know what it is. I assume it must be the insularity which creates a lack of awareness of how to behave in certain situations.

For example: I was at governor's island recently, relaxing in a hammock. The hammock area is generally quiet. Occasionally you'll have a couple of people in the same hammock chatting. There are many other areas of the island for being noisy and playing, yelling, laughing raucously.

A group of about 10-15 chassidishe women arrive in the hammock area and decided this would be the perfect area to play "camp" LOUDLY. (literally, they sat down and played broken telephone and a million other games).

Now, I am so happy for these women that they got away for the day. I am happy they got to spend time together. I am happy that they are happy and laughing and enjoying each others company.

And yet I watched as person after person got out of their hammock, and walked away, and eventually I did the same.

There were so many other places they could have chosen that would have been more appropriate. I do not believe they meant anything badly. It's just complete obliviousness and perhaps a touch of disregard. But what is it that creates that dynamic?

It seems to be the same dynamic at play here.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:18 am

One time I was at an amusement park on Chol Hamoed and my two little girls were with me waiting for the bathroom. A woman wearing a tichel and front walked to the front of the line with her little girl. I reminded her that there was a line. She truly did not understand the problem, and explained that her daughter needed the bathroom. I pointed out that my daughters also needed the bathroom. She stayed at the front of the line and refused to wait her turn. Clearly she thought this was okay behavior. She couldn’t undestand that her daughter’s needs were not more imirtant than mine, who were learning at a young age to wait their turn.

amother

Wine

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:21 am

amother wrote:

No, what I have experienced is not the same thing at all. These were not rude women, they are caring and nice and polite, its just that they genuinely don't understand. The women that I interact with are not rude people and they would never do what you have just described.

amother

Navy

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:23 am

If you notice, it's the chassidish lady drivers here that are bashing the chassidish ladies that take rides from them.
We call that "a self hating jew"
This post could've raised awareness and people would've accepted. Instead it's written with such hatred and disrespect that it causes it's readers to become defensive.
Imho op has got to work on respect for others as well.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:25 am

amother wrote:

Classic imamother

amother

Yellow

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

pretty sure you don't know what self-hating jew means

amother

Wine

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:29 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry but I don't see that at all. I thought op was just trying to raise awareness - and she's saying the truth. I'm not Chassidish myself, so I can be rightly accused of Chassidish bashing. But im really not. And neither is op. Oh well, people read things the way they want to read it.

amother

Linen

Mon, Jun 18 2018, 12:30 am

amother wrote:

Exactly my point