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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Blonde
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 Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:22 am
We were invited for shabbos at our Hasidic neighbors (and landlords) home this week.
The only other guest present was a man who works for a major halachic fertility organization.
We were married a couple of years until we had our first baby and our landlord helped us make contact with this fertility organization.
Now, this Shabbos right there at the table, he started telling to that other guest that we had consulted his fertility organization. They then even started talking about how many months it took us to have a baby after the wedding.
I was shocked and hurt and did not know what to say. Also, parts of the conversation was in Yiddish, a language I am not 100% familiar with. I definitely heard right.
Should I address this to the landlord and/or his wife the next time I see them? Was I too sensitive to be hurt?
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SuperWify
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:45 am
Totally NOT ok! Im shocked very that the head of such a confidential and sensitive type of organization doesn't have the sense to keep quiet!
ETA: I see I was mistaken and that he works/volunteers for this organization. Nevertheless, it still gives him no right to breach the confidentiality of a client. And yes, the landlord is absolutely wrong- no where did I say he is not- I’m just very shocked that somebody from the organization will talk about a client!
Last edited by SuperWify on Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Salmon
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:49 am
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I am so sorry, you must feel so exposed.
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:52 am
| SuperWify wrote: | | Totally NOT ok! Im shocked very that the head of such a confidential and sensitive type of organization doesn't have the sense to keep quiet! |
I think you misunderstood.
The landlord was gossiping with a man who works at the organization who helped the couple. (The guest probably didn't know the couple).
Still not acceptable.
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amother
Blonde
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:57 am
| amother wrote: | I think you misunderstood.
The landlord was gossiping with a man who works at the organization who helped the couple. (The guest probably didn't know the couple).
Still not acceptable. |
Right! Thank you!
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amother
Babyblue
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 9:58 am
Yes you could let her know in nice way that you were very uncomfortable to have your business discussed in that way and setting.
hugs and hatzlocha
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SuperWify
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 10:00 am
| amother wrote: | I think you misunderstood.
The landlord was gossiping with a man who works at the organization who helped the couple. (The guest probably didn't know the couple).
Still not acceptable. |
What did I misunderstand? So he’s not the head- but he works there- still he should definitely know better! He should have shut the landlord up.
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 10:37 am
| SuperWify wrote: | | What did I misunderstand? So he’s not the head- but he works there- still he should definitely know better! He should have shut the landlord up. |
(1) he's not the head (as you agreed to)
(2) Shutting up the landlord vs him contributing to the conversation (with sensitive information) are different things.
"doesn't have the sense to keep quiet"... he may very well have just sat there nodding his head not knowing what to do next. The head of the organization would have / should have behaved differently. A man who is perhaps a fundraiser - might have assumed the young couple was okay with conversation. Some women do stand up and tell their stories.
The fault here is primarily with the landlord.
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amother
Babyblue
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 10:57 am
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I also misunderstood. Yes I would say something in a calm way that we consider that confidential and please do not mention it. Very uncomfortable. Totally not okay. So sorry you had to deal with that! ugh
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amother
Babyblue
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:00 am
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You are not too sensitive and it was a breach of trust.
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zaq
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:03 am
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O.M.G. So wrong. And an illegal breach of medical confidentiality. There are no words to describe how wrong this is or on how many levels. Tell his boss begore he does this to someone else.
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:06 am
| zaq wrote: | | O.M.G. So wrong. And an illegal breach of medical confidentiality. There are no words to describe how wrong this is or on how many levels. Tell his boss begore he does this to someone else. |
OP didn't say anything about the guest talking about her medical history.
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greenfire
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:26 am
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beyond rude in more ways than one
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zaq
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:28 am
| amother wrote: | | OP didn't say anything about the guest talking about her medical history. |
The fact that you contacted a fertility institute pretty much lets the cat out of the bag. Why else would they be calling them—to write a term paper?
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amother
cornflower
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:29 am
| amother wrote: | | OP didn't say anything about the guest talking about her medical history. |
Yes she did.
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 11:45 am
| zaq wrote: | | The fact that you contacted a fertility institute pretty much lets the cat out of the bag. Why else would they be calling them—to write a term paper? |
I've been through the clinics. Random dude who is not my MD or a nurse wouldn't have access to my file. (to clarify - people dealing with insurance claims would to the extent they need to know what to charge through).
The OP (who wasn't using her pronouns clearly) said that the landlord told the 'the other guest' - who is affiliated with the fertility organization - all about the couples fertility struggles... Probably because landlord thought it would make 'other guest' feel great about the work he was doing.
She didn't say anything about 'other guest' chiming and adding in more details... (like 'oh yes, so nice to finally meet you young couple. Yes yes I've seen your ovaries- what a mess!)
Landlord should have said nothing.
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rmbg
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:16 pm
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I would call the organization and tell them!! This is a major breach of confidentiality.
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amother
Rose
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Sun, Jun 24 2018, 12:49 pm
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r they ur friends? have they ever crossed the line before?
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